Your Own Worst Enemy
by wildbats
Summary: Sequel to Fallen Down. Greg has been clean for several months but it has not been easy. Nick tries to keep him happy but it is not that easy. Things finally seem to be going Greg's way but then his past comes back to haunt him in more ways than one. It can be read alone but better to read Fallen Down. Tragedy
1. Chapter 1

_One of my New Year's Resolutions was to finally finish this sequel to Fallen Down that I started 2 years ago. It is going to get dark and possible character death. I say possible because I have not finished it yet but I think I know how it needs to end. Please review if you like._

The clock read 8:37am. He knew he would be coming home any minute now. He wondered how he would feel hearing the news that once again he still hadn't found a job. He knew he couldn't feel as horrible as he did. He didn't know where to go anymore. He knew he would be miserable if took some menial job like working a fast food joint.

He picked up his head from the kitchen table as he heard a key in the door. He tried to put on a somewhat happy looking expression on his face. He hoped it would work so he could avoid the questions.

Nick walked in the door after a long shift. He had been working with his partner, Jack Spires, on a new drug ring in town and trying to bring them down. It had not been going well. He walked in and saw the love of his life at the table looking up at him. He smiled when he saw him. He was so grateful that Greg had cleaned his life up and been off of drugs for seven months now.

He went over to him and gave him a kiss. He grabbed a chair and sat down. "I didn't expect to see you up when I got home."

Greg shrugged. "I couldn't sleep so I just decided to wait up for you."

Nick could see it now as he sat closer to him. His boyfriend was putting on a good face but he could see it in his eyes that he was depressed. "Still no luck on finding a job?" He asked even as he knew it to be true.

Greg shook his head and then immediately got up and walked away from the table, unable to face Nick. He hated that he was dependent on Nick and after seven months it was really getting to him.

He walked up to the patio door and looked outside at the back yard. "Will Larson made sure to smear my name and reputation in the mud as he was sent to jail. I don't think there is a person in Vegas that doesn't know I was a drug addict and that I was a male escort. He made sure I would never have a life again in this city." Even as he said it he felt a familiar want rise up in him and he knew he had to quash it down.

He didn't even hear Nick get up but felt his arms wrap around him. "Someday someone will give you a chance again but I know that doesn't help you now. Just remember I love you no matter what," he heard Nick tell him. Greg turned around in his arms and looked at him. "It's getting harder, Nick."

Nick was not sure he liked what he was saying. "What do you mean exactly?"

"It's getting harder to stay positive. And yes I am still taking my meds but when it has been almost six months looking for a job and people look at me and I can see when they recognize me. Then they suddenly say they have no openings. I don't know how much longer I can keep looking. I am ready to completely give up," he said to him honestly.

Nick didn't really realize how much this was getting to him. He guessed he was too wrapped up in his own work to really notice the toll it was taking on Greg. He remembered this was how he lost Greg last time. The situation was too similar and he was beginning to worry he might lose Greg again. "Look, I will ask around and see if anyone needs help, even if it is a temporary job. It would be something to keep you occupied for a little while at least. I don't want what happened last time to happen again; I don't want to lose you." He pulled Greg into a hug.

Greg rested his head on Nick's shoulder. "I don't want it to happen either. I'm just not sure what to do anymore." But even as he hugged Nick he felt like there was something that could help him more. He pulled away and gave Nick a weak smile.

"You look beat. Why don't you take a shower and get to bed. I'm going to go try looking again for a job during the day." He saw Nick frown. "Look, I know we said we wanted to try to work the same shifts so we could see each other more, but seriously, I can't limit myself to those hours."

Nick didn't like the idea but knew he was right. "I know. I just hope whatever happens we get to see each other once in a while."

"Well that's even if I get a day job. We will just have to see." Greg went back to the kitchen table and looking at the newspaper classifieds. He had been looking at the jobs in there when Nick came home.

"I'll let you to your job search. I have a good feeling something will come soon," Nick told him. He walked by him, stopped to kiss his head and then disappeared into their bedroom.

Greg looked down at the paper and sighed. "I wish I had your outlook," he mumbled to himself.

He looked at the want ads and nothing was anything he could really do. He saw some bartending jobs, which he was trying to avoid. He had bartended some when he was in college and when he first came back to Vegas. It was actually how he met Rocco who drew him into the escort business and the drugs. Plus he knew Nick would probably think the same thing he was; the best of people didn't always hang out in bars.

However that being said, this was Vegas and there was some upper class bars out there that didn't usually attract the scum. He saw an ad for a new place opening in a decent part of the strip. It sounded like it catered to the upper class. He probably had no chance but he had to try at least. He circled a couple other ads to go for before getting up.

He walked into the bedroom and saw that Nick was already in bed. He must have been really tired. He didn't even say goodnight to him. He watched him sleep and didn't feel worthy of such a good man. He turned away and grabbed a pair of black pants and a button down shirt to change into for applying for jobs.

He walked out of the bedroom without a glance again at Nick. He grabbed a Post-it Note and jotted that he was out job searching and would try to be home before he left for work.

A couple hours passed without any luck in even a nibble at a job. He went in to the places, doing the typical filling out the application and getting the typical response that they were receiving a lot of applications and he would be called if they were interested.

His last stop was the new place called Golden Ram. As he walked in he felt underdressed. All the men had on suits and neckties. He felt eyes following him as he walked up to the bar. "Um, I heard you were looking for bartenders," he asked a tall, skinny blonde good looking guy who was wiping down the bar. The guy looked him up and down. "Have you bartended before?"

"Yes but I will admit it has been a couple years. But I don't forget that kind of stuff. I used to be a chemistry major." He almost wanted to kick himself for saying the last part as the guy smirked at him. "Yeah well here is an application. You can grab a table and fill it out." The younger guy handed him the application.

Greg took it and looked for a table in a corner that was empty where he could fill it out in privacy. He still felt eyes on him as he filled out the application and it was weird. It was like everyone there was sizing him up. He glanced up and saw the bartender talking to an older man. He gestured in Greg's direction and Greg quickly put his head back down and kept filling out the application.

He was just signing the bottom of the application when the older man came up to his table. Greg looked up at him. He was probably in his fifties but was good looking. He had salt and pepper hair and sharp blue eyes. He held out his hand to Greg. "Hello, my name is Chad Athens. I am the owner of the Golden Ram. Can I see your application?"

Greg stood up quickly to shake his hand. "Hi, I am Greg Sanders." He noticed the man's eyes narrow ever so quickly at his name mention. Greg handed him the application but having seen that reaction before he was expecting Mr. Athens to give him the pleasant shove off any moment. But instead he surprised Greg by taking a seat at the table and gesturing Greg to do so also.

Mr. Athens studied the resume and frowned. "You worked for the LVPD in the Crime Lab for eight years? Why are you resorting to bartending with that kind of experience?" he asked Greg as he stared at him with his intense blue eyes.

Greg cleared his throat as he always seemed to do when he got this question. He hated his life when he had to answer this. "I was removed from my job after being found guilty of killing a man in self-defense on the job. It's more complicated but that's the gist of it. I've basically been blacklisted from the LVPD or any job in law enforcement."

"I see." The man looked down at his resume again. "And your last job bartending was over two years ago here in Vegas at Rocco's, I see." Mr. Athens picked up his head and seemed to be studying him.

"Uh, yes." Mr. Athens moved in closer to him. "I know who you are Mr. Sanders. I know all about you and what you did at Rocco's. I also know you were addicted to drugs." Greg's insides turned into a mess. He was pulling his leg the whole time, making him think he had a chance when he knew who he was all along.

Greg started to stand up. "Okay I know what is coming next; you would never hire someone like me. I've gotten it before. Nice meeting you," Greg said as he started to turn. He felt his arm grabbed suddenly.

"Sit down Mr. Sanders. I am not shutting you down yet." Greg looked at him and saw that he honestly wanted him to stay. He sat back down and sighed. "So what is it?"

Mr. Athens sat back in his chair. He looked around at his bar full of men, drinking and seemingly just enjoying each other's company. "You don't know what kind of bar this is, do you Mr. Sanders?"

Greg looked around and suddenly realized it was only men at this bar. Granted they were all professional looking but he still noticed many stealing glances his way. Greg turned back to Mr. Athens. "This is a men's only bar?"

Mr. Athens chuckled a little. "Something like that. It's quite similar to Rocco's except we do not allow scum here. It is only high class and professionals looking for a good time. You see I noticed the moment you walked in how many of the men were looking at you. There seems to be something about you that attracts other men. Now of course I know you have been in that business before."

But Greg started shaking his head right away. "No, I can't go back to that lifestyle. I have a serious relationship now and I can't jeopardize that."

"I never said you have to. I am still looking for just a bartender at this time and it helps having attractive bartenders that my clients enjoy looking at, even if it is only looking. You don't have to do anything more, if you don't want to. All what you see here is on the level. Now for those interested in something more, there is a secret sublevel to this bar that they can visit and find something more. Everyone is always welcome to go to that level and try what specialties are there. Basically, if you can still make me a Manhattan that I approve of, you have a job. Right now Brian is my day time Bartender, you met him. I have a couple part-timers for the evening but I am looking for a couple full-timers. If you can pass making the drinks I ask of you in a quick manner, you got the job."

Greg shook his head, not believing he was just offered a job. "Wait, wait. You mean all I will be doing is bartending. There won't be any funny stuff on the side."

Mr. Athens smiled, "Not unless you want the funny stuff on the side. Otherwise if anyone asks you, you can politely tell them you are JUST a bartender and nothing more. Now I do have to tell you, you might see some old clients in here, some have found our place since Rocco's had the police around and enjoy the classiness of the Golden Ram."

"I don't know. I feel like I might find myself getting into old habits," Greg said quietly, knowing he still had to fight his want to shoot up.

"If you are worried about drugs, we don't have any here on the premises. I do not allow it. And if you are caught on drugs, you would lose your job," Mr. Athens said adamantly.

"Okay that sounds good. I guess I should ask what the pay is like." Greg knew you should never ask about money but he was curious since was technically offered the job.

"Well it depends on how good your bartending skills are first," Mr. Athens smiled.

"I'm ready to show you, Mr. Athens." Greg smiled genuinely for the first time in ages.

"Please call me Chad."


	2. Chapter 2

Nick looked up from his iPad to see Greg actually looking happy as he walked in the door. "Did you find a job?" Nick asked him, hoping that was what brought on the smile.

Greg beamed at him. "Yes! Now it's not the greatest job but it pays pretty well and it is evenings."

Nick put down his iPad and patted the seat next to him on the sofa. "Come and tell me all about it."

Greg sat down next to him. "Well it is a bartending job at this new bar called Golden Ram. It's a bar that is mostly for business professionals to go to after a long day at work. It's pretty swanky inside. All dark woods and dark blue shades. It mostly caters towards business men looking to have a drink out with other guys without the distractions of women and such." Greg had thought about how to describe the place without making it sound like a gay bar for male professionals possibly looking for a one night stand.

"Yeah I think I heard of the place. It is supposed to be geared toward the richer guys I guess," Nick said, thinking he would have to do a little research on this place if his Greg was going to be working there. He wanted to make sure it was not some swanky place covering up drug trade.

"Yeah and he said he liked my clean cut look. Imagine a year or so ago he would have never thought that about me. So I guess I really do look like a normal human being again," Greg joked.

Nick didn't find it as funny. He remembered the first time he saw Greg again after all those years and hardly recognizing him due to the heavy drug usage and all the weight he had lost. He had looked on the verge of death. "Yes, well I hope to never see you look like that again."

The younger man could sense he hit a bad cord with the Texan. "This will be good for me Nick. I was about to give up hope in ever finding a job again. And this guy even knew about my history but said he thought everyone deserved a 2nd chance."

"Well I am happy for you, Greg." Nick noticed Greg looking at him skeptically. "Really, I am." And just to prove it he kissed Greg. He felt Greg wrap his arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

"I love you," Greg told Nick. Nick pulled his head back and looked at the big brown eyes of his lover. "I love you too." He earned a big crooked smile and he smiled back.

"So when do you start?" Nick asked him as Greg dropped his arms back at his side.

"I start tomorrow night." Nick smiled and pushed his hair back off his forehead. "So I guess that means we will both be working tomorrow night for a change."

"Yep and that means I will have to try to sleep during the day again. I guess I got used to sleeping at night when you were gone and job hunting during the day lately."

"Well keep yourself awake tonight and then you can sleep when I get home. Speaking of, I better get going to work. Jack and I have been busting our butts on this new drug ring pushing coke into the club scene again. If you hear about anything you will tell me, right?" Nick asked him.

Greg hesitated a moment before saying yes. He never had really done cocaine. Heroin was his thing but he knew he had become too dependent on it. In the beginning he took it occasionally and was actually able to get by well without anyone noticing. When he started using it more heavily was when it took its toll on him. But that was all in the past. He was going to stay clean this time around.

Nick noticed his slight hesitation but didn't say anything. He figured that Greg probably knew he was hoping he would never have to see him taking drugs again. He had gotten by seven months clean and he was proud of him. He had worried about him going back if the job situation did not improve soon but now he had more confidence things would stay good.

Nick stood up and went to grab his jacket. It was winter and it was going to be a cold night in Vegas. Nick didn't do the undercover thing as much anymore. They had some younger guys to do that but Jack and him still did the heavy footwork in tracking down sources and such off the streets.

"Stay warm and thanks for never stopping your faith in me. I really appreciate it," Greg told him. Nick walked up and pulled him to his feet so he could look him straight in the eyes.

"I could never give up on you. I love you and you've been through a lot in the past but that's slowly changing. First with you being clean for seven months and now finding a job finally. It might not be your dream job but I am sure it will be better than sitting around here all day."

"Yep, now I just have to refresh on some drink recipes. So heading to my laptop to study up," Greg grinned.

"Have fun doing that," Nick laughed before leaving Greg alone in their house.

Greg smiled. He was genuinely happy. Chad seemed to be a really nice guy and didn't seem to expect anything more than being some eye candy as he bartended. He could handle that. He did worry a little about some of his old clients possibly seeing him and asking for him. But he had Nick now and didn't need to worry about that. As long as he had Nick he would be good.

Greg fell asleep after a few hours of studying up on cocktail recipes. He was woken up later by Nick coming home.

"I thought you were going to try sleeping during the day," Nick said to him as he walked in, hanging his jacket on the coat rack. Greg rubbed his face and looked at the time. He looked up sheepishly at Nick. "I guess I fell asleep staring at this website all night. I suppose it will take me a week or two to adjust to new hours."

"Just don't overwork yourself that you end up being so tired and well, look to other ways to stay awake," Nick said with concern on his face.

Greg looked down a moment, unable to face Nick with what he was really saying to him. He thought of the phrase he used describing himself once; 'Once an addict, always an addict' and he knew it to be true. He had to be so careful to not get drawn in again. But it did help that Chad wanted to keep his place drug free.

He looked up at Nick again. "I know what you are thinking. I will do my best to stay clear of any bad situations. I don't want to fall down the rabbit hole again."

Nick walked over to him on the sofa and sat down next to him. He took his hands in his and gazed into his eyes. "I know you don't. I just don't want you to stress about anything."

Greg shrugged. "Finding a job has stopped a lot of the stress I was having. I think I will be good." He smiled at his partner in life.

"That's good to hear. Now I am going to take a shower and get some sleep. I suppose since you slept you some, you won't be joining me right away," Nick frowned.

A smirk grew on Greg's face. "I could perhaps join you in the shower though." He saw Nick's face light up. "I would love the company," he replied. He got up and started unbuttoning his shirt as he walked towards their bedroom. He threw it on the floor just before he went inside as more temptation for Greg.

Greg grinned and got up. It had been a while since they had been intimate. He supposed it was due to his lingering depression about not finding a job and feeling useless. At least now he felt more upbeat at find some kind of job.

He found his way to the bathroom, shedding his clothes on his way as his partner had. He saw Nick already in the shower and stopped a moment to just watch him. His body was perfect, nicely sculpted but not too big. He looked down at himself and realized he was still skinny. He had gained some weight but seemed to stop more recently. His body didn't know what muscle was, he was convinced.

Nick saw him staring at him and waved his hand at him to join him. Greg finally moved and opened the clear glass shower door. He stepped in and closed it behind him. Nick caught a look in his eyes that worried him a little. He picked up his chin and made him look him in the eyes. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing just being silly." But Nick could see it was something and he worried when Greg got into these moods where he didn't want to talk about something.

"Tell me," he said more forcefully. Greg looked into his eyes and placed his hands on his chest. "I was just thinking how lucky I was to have someone like you in my life. I know I would be dead right now if it was not for you."

Nick wondered what brought on this seriousness in him. He was playful only minutes ago, wanting to join him in the shower and now he was there and was all serious. His mood swings could be really crazy at times since he had been off drugs.

"Are you okay?" Nick asked again. Greg didn't want Nick trying to get into his mind right now. He just wanted to feel so he made the first move. He moved his hand down and wrapped it around Nick's penis. He smirked when Nick gasped. Then he went down on him. If there was one thing Greg knew how to do was give a man a mind blowing, blow job. He perfected his skills when he was selling himself. There was something about making a man weak with sex that gave him power and that was something he missed sometimes. Knowing someone was willing to pay you for an amazing blow job or fuck was very good for the ego at times. The times it was not was when they treated him like shit.

He heard Nick groaning more and more and knew he was about to come. He was ready when he did. His taste was delicious.

Nick braced himself against the tiled wall as Greg slowly got up with a satisfied grin on his face. Nick knew Greg used sex as a weapon to distract him from things. He hated it because it worked on him. He basically forgot that Greg had come into the shower looking sad. Now he just had a goofy grin on his face.

Greg proceeded to stick his head under the water and let it run over his head and down his body. He was about to grab the loofa to soap up when Nick grabbed it out of his hand. "Let me at least give you something," Nick said to him. Greg shrugged and let Nick take it and soak it with body wash. He turned Greg around so that he had his back to him. He brought his one arm around Greg's waist to hold him still and then used his right hand to rub the loofa over his back. He brushed lightly over the upper back scars he received so many years ago from the lab fire. As he moved lower down his back, he lightened the pressure again as he neared the newer scars on his lower back. He had not been around for him when those occurred but he knew the history of them now. He knew he had a metal rod in his back after the horrific car accident that killed Greg's parents and had him in a coma for a couple months. It made Nick sad thinking how lonely Greg had to be when he woke up to no one there and then to learn he lost his parents. Still to this day, the topic of his parents remained mostly off limits. Yes, Greg seemed to have come to terms with their deaths and not blaming himself but yet it still hurt him emotionally.

He felt Greg's hand grab his and move the loofa to the front of him, carefully placing it over his pelvic area. Nick got the hint. He dropped the loofa and moved his hand over Greg's slightly erect penis. He wrapped his hand around him and felt Greg lean back into him. Nick smiled as he knew he was also able to have some power over Greg when he allowed it.

Their relationship was different than it had been before Greg left Vegas and fell in love with another man. Greg was different but then again so was Nick. They both had taken different paths, Greg's being a very dark one but somehow they found their way back to each other but not without changes. It seemed Greg's life as an Escort changed his attitude about sex. He would give himself over to Nick but rarely let himself be pleased by him. At first it had not been that way when they became intimate again but over time it was like Greg was servicing Nick. Not that Nick minded much but it made him worry sometimes that Greg wasn't being as open with him as he should be.

Nick felt Greg rock against him as he came. He held him briefly until he turned around and looked at him. He looked pleased. He bent down and picked up the loofa. He stood back up and looked at Nick. "Now I think it is time we clean up."

They stepped out of the shower a few minutes later and dried off. Greg was running the towel over his hair as Nick slipped on his boxer-briefs. "So are you still going to stay up?" Nick asked him. Greg nodded as he placed the towel on the rack.

"Yes, not too tired yet but I will join you soon enough. I'm sure once I start working my sleeping pattern will even out."

"Okay, well goodnight then." Nick went over to him and kissed him. Greg smiled a little as the kiss broke off. "Good night," he said to Nick as they both went their separate ways, out of the bathroom.

Greg stepped into the living room and walked over to the patio door. He looked out at the sunny sky and hoped he could get some sleep soon. He really had not been sleeping well but was not letting on to Nick. He often faked sleeping when he really was not. He was always drinking lots of coffee and Red Bull to stay awake. Maybe not real drugs, but something to help him with energy levels especially when he went back to work was going to be needed.

After a few minutes he decided to go back inside. He walked into the bedroom and saw Nick sleeping. Once again he thought about his more recent past and wondered how great Nick had been to him. Greater than he deserved, that he still believed. If Nick only knew how close he came to turning back to drugs more recently with his depression over not getting work. At least things finally turned around and he didn't feel that need right now. Hopefully this job was going to keep him happy and confident enough.

He walked around to his side of the bed and crawled in. He turned on his side, away from Nick and tried to sleep again.

Review if you like...


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few weeks since Greg started working. Greg spent the first couple of days learning the ropes of bartending again. He caught on pretty fast but he always was quick on picking things up. Once he got used to the job's hours, he felt better about it. He had been having issues with sleeping but after working so much in a real job again, he found he got tired easily after work.

He came home one morning and saw Nick standing outside talking to a new neighbor that just moved into the house next to them. The man was the same height as Nick. He had curly, dark blond hair and was not bad looking. Greg didn't notice anyone else living with him yet.

Greg was tired so he was about to just go inside without saying hello but Nick called him over. He wasn't in the mood to meet anyone else today. At the bar, all he ever did was meet new people. Most of the time he felt they were sizing him up, yet he knew that was to be true as it was a bar mostly geared towards gay males.

He sighed and walked across the lawn to the new neighbor's house. Nick smiled at him and then looked at the new neighbor.

"Greg, this is Joe. He's our new neighbor. I was just telling him we both work nights and usually get home as the sun rises," Nick grinned at Joe.

Greg forced a smile at Joe and held out his hand. Joe took his hand and shook it. He got a better look at him and noticed he was really good looking. He had nice blue eyes but was not his type. He thought his smile seemed forced.

"Nice to meet you, Greg. Nick tells me you two are together," he said to him with his smile fading.

Greg glanced at Nick, wondering why he would tell this guy he barely knows so much already.

"Ah, yes we are," he replied. He felt something off about this guy but he didn't know what.

Nick seemed oblivious to it as he carried on the conversation. "Joe was jogging when I came home. I introduced myself. Joe just moved from Chicago here. He works for Hilton and will be working here now at the one on the Strip.

Greg just nodded and said "that's nice." He was really tired and just wanted to take a shower and go to sleep. He was not up for conversation, not even with Nick.

Nick gave him an angry glare, in which Greg responded with a frown. "Look it's nice to meet you but I'm really tired and just want to get to bed. If you want to keep chatting Nick, go ahead but I am heading inside." With that said Greg did just that. He walked away leaving Nick feeling a bit angry.

Ever since he started working, it seemed Greg was always tired and never wanted to do much. Nick often worried that he was back on drugs but that was not typically how his behavior was before. Greg didn't talk much about his job to Nick. He would simply say he was just serving drinks to people. Nick was starting to believe that he was not really happy with his job but took it just to have a job. He knew that to be partially true too. It was the first job offer he had since he had been clean.

Nick turned to Joe. "Look, I am sorry about him. Apparently he is just grumpy today. I promise he is usually friendlier than that." Nick felt stupid having to apologize for Greg's behavior.

Joe smiled at him though. "It's okay. I think your personality has made up for his. You have been just as kind as I heard Texan's can be." Nick smiled, feeling better already. "Well thanks for that. I guess we do kind of have a reputation."

"Yeah, just don't date guys from New Jersey. They can have major tempers at times," Joe said to him. Nick caught that he said guys and wondered. "Um, so you have firsthand experience with them, I assume."

"Yes, my last boyfriend was a total jackass to me. Luckily I left him behind in Chicago. But we had broken up prior to me getting the new job anyway," Joe told him.

Nick's eyes showed interest. "So you are gay also?" Joe laughed. "You sound so shocked. But yes I am. I guess you didn't expect to get a gay neighbor."

Nick shook his head. "No, not really. We are the only gay couple I know in this neighborhood."

Joe's smile remained. "Well now you have a new gay neighbor. Although I am not currently dating anyone since I am new in town. Hopefully you can tell me the places to hang out to find someone since you both seem to have lived here a long time."

"Sure, I can do that. There were several years there I had to do the scene before Greg came back into my life, so I know a few places," Nick told him. He didn't know why, but he felt really comfortable around Joe.

Joe noticed he said that Greg had come back into his life, so he assumed that meant they had dated previously and broke it off and got back together. He wondered what their story was. He liked Nick already but his first impression of Greg was very off putting. He guessed he could give him the benefit of the doubt by what Nick said and that he had a bad night at work. God knows he had some bad days at work and often came home grumpy.

But when it came to appearances, Nick was definitely more his type; dark hair, handsome and muscular. Greg was their height but he seemed rather skinny. Joe often wondered what others saw in their partners. So often they were so different looking together and yet they worked.

"Well I look forward to getting to hear what places to check out. In the meantime, I better get inside. I have a lot more unpacking to do," Joe told him.

"Good luck with that. I guess I will be seeing you around then. Perhaps we can have you over for drinks soon," Nick said to him. Joe smiled brightly. "I would like that. Get some sleep and have a good evening at work."

They waved goodbye before Nick headed back to his house. He walked inside and his mood turned when he remembered how rude Greg had been to their new neighbor. He tossed his jacket on the coat hook and walked into the bedroom, where Greg had just crawled into bed. He always took really quick showers. His hair was still damp. Knowing he was still awake, Nick decided to have a few choice words with him.

"What the hell was that back there? You were really rude to him. He was just trying to be nice," Nick laid into him. Greg sat up in bed and looked lazily at Nick.

"Come on, I was tired. I didn't expect to have to come home and be all nicey-nice to our new neighbor. I just wanted to get inside and get ready for bed. Can't we have this discussion when we wake up?" Greg groaned. He was not in the mood for an argument.

Nick came over closer to him and stared down at him. "What has gotten into you since you started this job? You've been moody and irritable. I would almost think you are on drugs again."

That angered Greg who was fighting so hard to stay clean all these months. He glared right back at Nick. "Fuck you, Nick. You just keep waiting for me to go back to drugs, don't you? I thought you had so much faith in me. I'm seeing otherwise now. You want me to pee in a cup? Go get me one and I will prove to you I have not taken anything."

Nick stepped back and closed his eyes. He knew he shouldn't have said anything about drugs. He knew it was not a smart move. He opened his eyes and saw Greg staring daggers at him. "Look, I believe you. I'm sorry, that was out of line. But I do want to know why you have been the way you have been lately."

Greg relaxed his posture and looked down. He couldn't bring himself to tell Nick the truth. "I just wish I had a job that was more satisfying I guess. Bartending is not my dream job. I lost that job years ago."

Nick sat down on the bed next to him. He softened up as he knew what he was talking about. "I know it's not but think of it as a stepping stone. If you can stick with this for a while perhaps something better will come along that is more of what you are truly capable of. I know you will never have your dream job again here but I am sure there is better than bartending in your future."

Greg felt a deep sadness inside of him surge that had not in some time. He knew his future was not bright anymore and tonight his past reared its ugly head. "Yeah…someday. Can I get some sleep now?"

Nick frowned but got up. "Sure, I'm going to hop in the shower and then I will join you in bed. We can talk more when we get up later about our new neighbor."

"Okay sounds good." Greg waited until Nick was in the bathroom before sinking under the sheets again and thinking back to work this evening.

 _He was serving drinks up when he heard his name called at the other end of the bar. He picked up his head and looked to who called him. When he recognized the face he felt a little sick. It was one of his old clients when he worked as an Escort and was heavily on drugs. He was the only bartender on duty, as his partner was on break so he could not ignore the customer. He moved down to that end of the bar and casually asked what he wanted to drink._

 _Frankie, as he knew him, shook his head. "My, it has been a long time since I have seen you. You look great G. Is this your 'new' job?" He asked him with a smirk. Greg leaned closer so only he could hear him. "Look I'm not into any of that shit anymore and I want it kept that way. I am just a simple bartender now." He leaned back. "So what do you want to drink?"_

 _Frankie grinned. "I would like a Blow Job." Greg cursed under his breath knowing perfectly well he didn't drink those and was using that as a metaphor. "Are you sure that is what you want, because I will make one for you." Greg asked him one more time, hoping he would get the hint._

 _"Fine, give me a Long Island Iced Tea," Frankie said with a slight pout. Greg turned his back on him as he set to prepare the drink. He was gritting his teeth the whole time. Frankie was one of his regular clients, one who was not always so nice to him. He liked to get rough at times, especially when he had been drinking too many Long Island Iced Teas or doing too much coke. He prayed he would just leave him alone._

 _He turned around and served him his drink. Frankie stayed there and took a sip right away. "Not bad but then I know things you are better at," he told him with a glint in his eyes. Greg, furious, leaned in one more time, "Leave me the fuck alone," he seethed._

 _Frankie finally backed off. "Chill man, I was just having some fun with you but I can clearly see you are not fun anymore. Must be that drug-free lifestyle making you all uptight. It must suck to be so unhappy." With that said he got up and left Greg alone._

 _Greg's mind was reeling and he needed a break. He was grateful when Terry came back so he could take his break. "I'm taking my break now." Terry just looked at him as he walked off._

 _Greg went out back of the bar and paced back and forth. He wanted so badly to punch someone, that or really wanted a hit of some heroin. He stopped pacing and leaned back against the wall. He closed his eyes a moment to try to calm down and focus on other positive thoughts like he was taught to do by his drug counselor._

 _"Greg?" He heard his name and it sounded like a familiar voice. He opened his eyes and saw yet another former client. He wanted to sink down into the earth and disappear this moment. It was not his night._

 _"Greg! I thought that was you at the bar, but I was not sure. You look good," said the well-dressed man. Greg looked at him and said thanks. Luckily this was one of his favorite regulars, someone who always treated him decently and paid well. His name was Shane Barnes. He was taller than Greg by a few inches and had a nice build on him. He had almost black hair that never looked quite in place and piercing blue eyes. He was about the same age as Greg and perhaps that was why he always treated him decently._

 _"So I have not seen you around. I guess you got your life straightened out then," Shane shrugged and then ran his hand through his hair to make it look even messier. Sometimes it was hard to believe this man was rich, except when he came from work because he wore a suit then. Greg was more familiar with his causal look because that was how he usually came when he was with him._

 _"Yes, I have and it's been tough trying to get back to a normal life. Finding a job was hard with my history and all," Greg said to him. He realized he was more relaxed around him already than he had been with Frankie. Perhaps it was because he had not come onto him immediately._

 _"Yeah, I saw that Will really pulled you down with him in the press," Shane said quietly. Greg looked at him more sternly. "You knew that creep?"_

 _Shane shrugged. "Yeah, only in business though. His tech company helped with one of my companies websites. We had some meetings and attended some of the same parties but I wasn't friends with him or anything, if that is what you mean. He was a jerk when I did work with him. But he knew his stuff when it came to work. Still can't believe he was a major drug dealer."_

 _"What about you? Are you clean now too?" Greg asked him, knowing Shane often hit up on heroin himself. He just smirked. "Nah but then again I know how to control my addiction. You lost your way with that. It's all about not overdoing it. You were totally overdoing it. But that made you fun too." He smiled._

 _Greg shrugged. "Perhaps I was overdoing it but I had a lot of shit on my mind that was driving it. I'm better now."_

 _"That's good to hear. Although I must say, I miss your company. You were always one of my faves. The others are not the same. You were smart and I liked that. Most are a bunch of dumbasses on top of being super doped up."_

 _Greg smiled. It was nice hearing one of his old clients tell him he appreciated him for being smart and not just the sex. "Thanks, I guess." He chuckled._

 _Shane smiled again. "Well I know you are out of the game but if you ever are wanting a fun time or looking to make some good money, here is my new number. You never know." Shane handed him a business card. Greg hesitated in taking it but then looked at Shane's gorgeous smile and figured why not. Maybe they could just hang out without having sex involved. He almost laughed to himself, knowing he had to be crazy to think that._

 _"I doubt it, but thanks anyway. I better head back inside. Nice seeing you," Greg said as he smiled before turning to go back inside. He noticed Shane did not follow him in._

 _Once back inside he was able to get back to work without thinking too much about Frankie and more about Shane instead._

Greg knew that if he told Nick he ran into two old clients of his in one night and the conversations they had, he would want him to quit immediately. But that would only put him into a deeper depression by having to look for a job again. Since nothing came of either conversation, he figured he was safe to keep them to himself.

He was almost asleep when he heard Nick crawl into bed. Nick often wrapped his arms around Greg but he didn't this time. He knew he was pissed at him for how he treated their new neighbor. The problem with Greg was that he was jealous Nick was able to make friends so easily, something Greg used to be very capable of but lately that was not the case. He guessed it was his lack of self-confidence that caused it, but ever since his past two years living life pretty much in the gutter, that changed his outlook.

He had stopped going to regular sessions with his counselor a month ago and only saw him now when he felt the need. With his recent moods, he knew he probably should schedule an appointment but had not. He tried not to think of all these things and get some sleep but once again his mind was too busy to let him sleep. But he stayed in bed, making it seem like he was sleeping so Nick would not get worried. Last thing he needed was Nick breathing down his neck again.

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	4. Chapter 4

Nick opened his eyes and saw the back of his lover's head. He remembered what happened earlier in the day when he came home and wondered why Greg reacted the way he did towards their new neighbor. Was he really that tired and grumpy or was it something more? He worried more about him since he started working, knowing he was in an environment that was not exactly the best one for a former drug addict to be in. Sure, the bar was upper class and frowned on drugs but nowadays there is always some, somewhere. He knew that, he was a narcotics officer. Sometimes the business man was the most frequent of users. They hid it the best until you heard about them dying from an overdose. Nick remembered when Greg came close to dying from one. He prayed he never had to see that happen to him again.

He reached out and put his arm around Greg. He felt Greg move into his touch with no sound. Had he been awake all this time, he wondered?

"You awake?" he asked. Greg turned over and looked sleepy. "I am now," he smiled a little. Nick studied him closer and noticed dark circles under his eyes.

"Did you sleep at all?" He asked him. Greg opened his eyes wider. "Yes, I did sleep some. Why?" he asked in return.

"You just look tired."

"Well I just woke up. You look tired too, did you sleep?" Greg asked back, trying to cover his own lack of sleep by making Nick look at himself.

"Yes, I slept great," Nick replied.

"Well, then I am not the only one who might not look like they slept well but they did," he told him. He was hoping to just have Nick let him be about sleeping.

"Okay fine. So since we are talking, what is up with you and your rudeness to Joe?" Nick asked him, not wanting Greg to forget his actions earlier.

Greg sighed. He really didn't feel like explaining himself to Nick but he knew he would have to say something. "Look, I said I was tired and yes, I was grumpy. I probably was rude and am sorry."

"Well you should be apologizing to him and not me," Nick said to him. Greg rolled his eyes. "Seriously? We just met the guy and you want me to apologize to him? What is up with that? Is he like your new best friend? Should I warn Jack that he has competition?"

Nick's eyes darkened. He knew that Jack, Nick's work partner, and Greg never have gotten on good terms but he was being ridiculous now. He sat up in bed and stared down at Greg. "What is your deal? Is work that bad that it's making you an ass again?"

Greg didn't like Nick staring down at him so he got up out of bed and stood so he gazed down at him. "I already told you it's not my dream job, but I am doing it to help with the bills. I know I still owe you a ton of money for what you paid to get me in that clinic. I know we are struggling with the bills and you try to deny it but I see your frustration, so I am working a job that pays minimal just to help a little. Give me a break, will you?" He then stormed off out of the bedroom.

Nick ran a hand through his hair with frustration. He threw back the sheets and jumped out of bed to go after Greg. He stood in front of the patio door, looking outside at the early evening sky. He walked over to him slowly and wrapped his arms around his waist. Greg pushed his arms off him though and stood off. "Don't coddle me," he scolded.

Nick grunted in anger and grabbed Greg by the arm and turned him around. "Look, I never asked you to help pay the bills. If you rather not work, then don't. I'll just pick up some extra shifts."

"Argh, see that is what I mean. You might not be asking me but by you saying you have to work extra shifts is pretty much saying I am a slacker and not helping out. So forget it, I will keep my job and just deal with it. It's not that bad. I just had a bad night was all," Greg said exasperated.

Nick just looked at him. "What is happening to us? Is it like before?"

Greg was confused. "What do you mean, like before?"

"Am I going to lose you because you are so unhappy again?" his eyes serious. Greg closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath. He opened them back up and took Nick's hands. "Look, I'm just having a bad week or two. I'm happy with you, I am. I guess it's me I am unhappy with."

Nick clutched his hands tighter. "Perhaps you need to see Dr. Fry again. When was the last time you saw him?"

Greg sighed. "Over a month, I guess." Nick scowled at him. "Greg, you need to talk to him if you are feeling this way, you know it."

Greg finally nodded. "Okay I will schedule an appointment."

"Good, that will make me feel better. Now how about we just make some dinner and forget all this other crap for now," Nick smiled, wanting to leave it all behind for now.

!

A couple hours later there was a knock at their door. They were catching up on watching some TV shows before heading to work. Nick got up to get the door. "Hey Jack, why are you here?" Nick said as his tall, blond haired partner came in.

"I thought I would pick you up tonight. Boss wants us to join a stakeout of a known drug house," he told Nick. He looked at Greg. "Hey Greg," he said to him. They were on friendlier terms but Greg still felt like Jack disliked him because of his past drug use.

"Hey," he just responded and went back to watching the program. Whenever Jack was around and talking about work with Nick, he felt like he was still an addict because they seemed to talk in code around him. They never said where they were going or what kinds of drugs were involved probably fearful he might hear and take off to get some. Maybe it was all in his mind but nonetheless it was how he felt when the two of them talked work.

They were talking off to the side for a couple minutes before Nick came over to Greg. "Look I have to leave early. So I will see you in the morning when we are both back from work." He leaned down and gave Greg a quick kiss on the lips. "Don't stress about work. Just take it easy," he told him. Greg just nodded and told him to be safe.

He watched Jack take Nick with him and out the door. He sat back and turned off the TV. He could never admit it to Nick that he was still incredibly jealous of him being able to work in a job he loved. Greg doubted he would never have that experience again.

He decided sitting around pouting was not getting him anywhere so he decided to get ready for work. He put on a blue button down shirt and black pants. He grabbed his jacket on the way out.

As he walked out the door, he saw their new neighbor Joe coming out of his garage. He decided he should probably say something to him to make Nick happy. He whistled over to get his attention. Joe turned and saw Greg walking towards him.

Greg noticed Joe stood rather firmly as he came over. "Hey, I just wanted to apologize for being a jerk earlier today. I was in a mood from work. I promise I'm not always that way." Greg said to him.

Joe seemed to gaze at him a moment before saying anything. "Yeah well I guess we can all have bad days. Apology accepted." He reached out his hand to shake Greg's. Greg smiled at him for accepting it.

"So did Nick already leave for work?" Joe asked. Greg nodded. "Yeah his partner picked him up earlier. They have a stakeout. Uh, I am assuming he told you what he did for a living." Greg suddenly said.

"Yes, he's a detective on LVPD. You must worry about him a lot, having a job like that," Joe said to him. Greg thought about it a moment and realized he really didn't ever worry much about him. He was always too wrapped up in his own issues to think about anything happening to Nick.

"Yeah I guess," he lied, realizing how self-absorbed he could be at times.

"I know I would freak out if he was my boyfriend, working a dangerous job like that," Joe said. Greg thought about it and realized something he had not before. Nick truly was in a more dangerous job but all he could think about was years ago when they were both CSI's and he was buried alive. He actually shivered at the memory.

"Yeah, there has been a moment in the past that was bad but he got through it," Greg said distantly, remembering how Nick had sort of distanced himself from Greg after that incident until Greg forced him to let him in.

"Well it was nice talking but I got to go. Fourth night on the job, don't want to come in late," Joe said to him.

"Oh you work evenings too?" Greg asked.

"Yes, mostly with a mid-shift on the weekend. I have weekdays off. Have a goodnight and say Hi to Nick for me if I don't see you all in the morning."

Greg smiled. "Will do." He watched him get into his Mercedes and drive off. Greg frowned as he got into his old beat up Volkswagen that he still drove. They definitely could not afford a new car with their money situation. He really wished he could make better money. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the business card of Shane Barnes and looked at it a moment. He thought of the money he made when he was selling himself but he blew most of it on drugs, but some of his clients paid well. Rocco of course took a cut of it but it was better than he made now. He put the card in his glove compartment as he shook his head of the thought even coming up. He would lose Nick if he did anything as stupid as that again.

At work Greg was luckily having a fairly uneventful night. None of his former clients came in and tried to get his services. He had a few guys flirt with him as he served drinks as was normal. He didn't mind that seeing as it was harmless.

He was helping Terry close up the bar when his cell phone went off. He looked and saw it was Jack, Nick's partner calling him. He thought that was odd, as he never called him. He walked off to the side to take the call away from Terry's ears.

"Hello?"

"Greg, its Jack. Nick's been shot. They are taking him to the ER at Desert Palms. When he was still conscious he asked me to call you."

Greg couldn't think for a moment. All he heard was Nick was shot. He thought of losing another loved one and knew he could not handle it.

"Greg, are you there?" He heard Jack ask again. "Yeah, yeah…where was he shot?" He had to know.

"In the chest, we didn't have vests on because we didn't expect anything to happen. I'm going to the hospital once I finish filling in the boss here. I'll see you there?" Jack asked him. He was not sure how Greg would handle the news, he only hoped he would not freak out and do something crazy.

"Okay, yeah okay, I will leave now," Greg said to him, not really completely knowing what he was saying. He just kept thinking Nick was shot in the chest and he could die. He disconnected the call and walked back into the back room where Terry was.

Terry looked at him, he looked pale. "Hey, everything okay?"

Greg shook his head. "No, Nick's been shot and is on the way to the ER. I…I need to go," he said, seemingly lost.

Terry waved him off. "Go, go be with him. I can finish closing up here. Just be sure to call me or Chad and let us know how he is. I know you are off the next two days so that you will have time to spend with him."

Greg just nodded and took off out the door.

He arrived at the hospital ER twenty minutes later. He rushed in and asked about Nick being brought in.

"Are you family?" the nurse asked him. "I'm…I'm his partner, Greg Sanders. Yes, I am family," Greg responded rapidly.

"I'm sorry but your name is not listed as his next of kin. I can't give you any information," the nurse told him.

"I live with him. We love each other! I don't care if he doesn't have me listed as next of kin. I want to know how he is!" Greg demanded as tears threatened.

"I'm sorry Sir. I can't give you any information on Detective Stokes," the nurse said to him.

"This is fucking ridiculous. No one knows him better than I do and I want to know if he is going to live," Greg shouted at her. He was so scared of losing another loved one that he didn't care if he made a scene.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun around and saw Jack. "Look, Nurse Richards, I am Detective Spires. Mr. Sanders here is telling the truth. Why don't you just tell us how Detective Stokes is doing," Jack told her.

The nurse sighed at seeing his badge. "He's still in surgery so honestly I don't know what his condition is at the moment. Now if you both would just have a seat, when he comes out of surgery you will be the first to know."

"Okay, thank you," Jack said to her. He then turned his attention to Greg who looked like a nervous wreck. He took pity upon him, knowing he really didn't have anyone other than Nick left in his life and it had to be tough.

With his hand still on his shoulder, he guided Greg to a row of seats in the waiting room. Greg seemed to be in some kind of a daze. Jack hoped it was just shock and not drugs. "You okay there, Greg?" Jack asked him.

Greg stared out towards the doors to the innards of the hospital. "It's so weird, I was talking to our new neighbor before work today and he asked if I ever worried about anything happening to Nick and I said I really didn't. I guess I've been absorbed in my own shit for so long, I have forgotten how dangerous of a job he has." Greg turned to Jack. "What happened?"

Jack could see that Greg was anguished and he now assumed he was in some shock. "Nothing was supposed to happen. We didn't have our vests on because we didn't expect anything. We were sitting outside this drug house, waiting to see if anyone came or went from the house. Once we saw something, we were going to call for backup. The thing is we were there for hours and we saw no one come or go when suddenly we heard a scream. Well, Nick being Nick said we had to go check it out. So he gets out of the car before I even get a chance to say something and runs up to the house. I run out and next thing I know I hear shots being fired and see Nick go down outside the front door. I rush up, firing at whoever was shooting and hit the person. It was some female Meth head who had been holed up in the house and must have seen us waiting outside."

"Anyway, I rushed to Nick and he was bleeding out. He was still conscious. I called it in and sat with him, putting pressure on his wound until the paramedics showed up. He told me to call you." Jack stopped a moment. Greg was wiping away tears that were falling. He never was a big fan of the ex-drug addict but he knew he loved Nick and Nick loved him. Nick said something more and he felt weird passing it on but seeing Greg right now he knew he had to.

"Hey, he also told me to tell you that he loved you," Jack said to him.

Greg buried his face in his hands. "I can't lose another one, I just can't." Jack felt really bad for him. He knew he had to say something to him.

"Look, Nick's a tough guy. He's been through bad stuff before and made it through it. He'll make it through his too."

Greg nodded as he pulled his hands away from his face. He gazed down at the carpeting. "Yeah he is tough. I mean he's a guy who survived being buried alive and being eaten alive by ants. I would have never lasted like he did through that." Jack didn't know Nick at the time but he knew exactly what Greg was talking about. He had heard about it on the news at first when it happened and then when Nick became his partner, it came up in conversation once. He remembered Nick telling him how important Greg had been to him at that time. Nick had given him the credit for pulling him through it.

"Yes, he's told me about that. He also told me it was you who helped him get through his recovery," Jack said to him. Greg snorted. "Yeah right, he pushed me away from him at first but I kept at him. He can be damn stubborn when he wants to be," Greg told him.

"I believe he says the same about you," Jack smirked.

Greg's expression hardly changed. "Yeah he probably does." Greg stood up and started pacing. "How long has he been in there? What's going on?" he asked at he looked towards the doors still.

Jack shrugged. "Look it's not really been that long. It's only been about an hour or so. Surgeries can take a while," Jack was trying to ease his mind but know he was not being that successful. He was worried too. Nick had been working with him for several years now. He cared about the guy in his own way too. He was not the best at dealing with these types of situations.

"Det. Spires, can we talk?" He looked up and saw his Captain standing there. "Yeah, just a moment," he said and looked at Greg who had stopped pacing. "I'll be back," he said to him. Greg just nodded as Jack left him alone in the waiting room.

He decided to sit back down. He looked around the room at people waiting on word about their own loved ones probably in surgery too. He was the only one sitting alone. He felt that same loneliness before after hearing his parents had died.

He wrapped his arms around himself and curled up in the chair. He was all alone again and unfortunately his first thought was how much he wanted to shoot up right that moment.

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	5. Chapter 5

Greg sat alone for several more minutes, becoming more on edge as each minute passed. He heard his name called and looked up when he heard the familiar voice. "Sara?!" He stood up and came up to him and hugged him.

"I heard about what happened and came over as soon as I could," she said as she held onto him.

He felt her warmth and it made him feel better to know there was still someone else out there who cared. He held onto her a moment before speaking. "How did you hear?"

She let go of him and pulled him down to sit down. "You should know that news of any cop being shot goes through the office fast. I heard it was Nick and came as soon as I can. Do we know how he is?"

Greg shook his head woefully. "No, and it's driving me crazy." He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

She looked at him and could see he was a nervous wreck. She knew his history and worried about him with a situation like this. "He's going to be okay, I am sure of it." She tired reassuring him.

He looked at her and frowned. "Where have you been? I have not seen you in months." She sighed and bowed her head.

"I've been out of town with Grissom. I am actually only in town for a couple of weeks right now. I have officially resigned from the lab here. I gave them my notice yesterday. I am going to be staying with Grissom in France where he has been teaching. I got a job there too now. I was going to stop by to visit you two tomorrow. Then I heard and had to come out here," she told him.

"So you are permanently leaving Las Vegas?" Greg asked her, feeling his world falling around him a little more.

She looked sadly at him. "Yes, I am in a couple of days. I know the timing sucks right now for you but I am sure Nick will be okay." She said to him.

He looked up and shook his head. He didn't say anything but what he was thinking was everyone leaves him. She reached out to him. "Hey, I will stay in contact, okay." He looked at her and nodded but he was feeling worse by the minute as time went by with no word on Nick.

She decided to keep him preoccupied until they heard about Nick. "So I hear you got a job finally."

He nodded. He was not in the mood to talk about himself but he understood what she was trying to do. "Yeah, it's nothing great. Just working at a new bar for more upscale cliental, mostly. It's called the Golden Ram."

"Oh yeah, I heard about the place. Sounds like a fairly nice place," she said to him.

He gazed at her. "You mean nicer than the place I used to work." Sara frowned. "I didn't mean it that way, Greg and you know it." But Greg was not paying attention to her anymore as he saw a doctor in scrubs coming out of the double doors he had been staring at for hours now.

"I'm looking for Detective Spires," he said aloud. Jack had been talking to other officers at a corner table when he stood up at his name. Greg popped up immediately and went over to the doctor.

"Is this about Nick Stokes?" He asked as he went over. The doctor ignored him and paid attention to Jack. "Dr. Reynolds," he said as he shook Jack's hand. Greg was on the verge of screaming if someone didn't say how he was.

Jack saw his edginess. "Dr. Reynolds, this is Greg Sanders. He is Nick's significant other. We are both eager to hear how he is." Greg gave a silent thank you to Jack for acknowledging him to the doctor.

"I'm sorry about that Mr. Sanders. Mr. Stokes is out of surgery. He is very lucky that the bullet narrowly missed his heart. He lost a lot of blood but he will be okay. He'll need to take it easy for a while but he should have a full recovery. He will be moved to a room soon and then he can have visitors," the doctor told them.

Greg breathed a sigh of relief at hearing he would be okay. "So he's really going to be okay?" He asked the doctor for reconfirmation. The doctor nodded. "I don't foresee any obstacles as long as he takes it easy for a while. Now I have to be on my way. A nurse will let you know his room number once he is settled in."

"Thank you," Greg said in unison with Jack. They both looked at each other and nodded in respect. Greg knew that Jack was close to Nick and he cared about him too, just in a totally different way. Jack was as straight as they come.

Sara came over to Greg and hugged him again. "See I told you he would be okay."

"Yeah you did. Thanks for staying positive. It's not always easy for me anymore," he said to her as he pulled out of her hug. She noticed he still looked so sad. "You aren't alone, Greg. You still have people who care about you."

"Very few, Sara, very few," he said somberly. She hated seeing him like this but he had been this way since he came back to Vegas. Of course he was better than he had been when she first saw him again but she was sad he still felt the way he did. She thought he was better.

"I want you to know you can contact me whenever you need to talk. I don't care what time it is where I am in the future. I will be there for you," she promised him. He smiled a little. "Thanks Sara, that means a lot."

"Look, when was the last time you had something to eat? Why don't we go to the cafeteria and grab something. I am sure by the time we get back you'll be able to see Nick," she said to him. He looked at Jack a moment who nodded to go ahead.

"Okay, fine," He agreed.

They came back up about 25 minutes later and Greg saw Jack still sitting there. "Still no word on when we can see him?" He asked his work partner. Jack actually gave him a small smile. "Well they just told me which room he was in, but I figured you needed to see him more than me. He can only have one visitor at a time. They said he was not awake yet but might be waking soon. He's in room 214."

Greg was taken aback by Jack's gesture. "Thanks, truly." He smiled at Jack and then at Sara, who just waved him to go ahead.

Greg's feet couldn't carry him there quickly enough but once he reached the door he stopped a moment. He remembered the last time he walked into a hospital room of a loved one and what that meant to him. This time was not going to be the last time he saw his loved one. He had to tell himself that. Nick was going to be okay.

He opened the door slowly and saw Nick looking pale but breathing. He could hear the heart monitor as he walked up closer and took a seat next to the bed. He took his hand and held it. He felt warm and he felt more relief.

"You can't scare me like this. I don't handle it well," Greg told him, knowing he probably could not hear him.

"Sorry," he barely heard Nick say. His eyes widened in shock as Nick cracked open his eyes. "You're awake!" he exclaimed. He smiled and said it again. "You're awake."

"Barely," Nick said with a grimace.

"The doctor said you are going to be okay but you will need some recovery time."

Nick looked at Greg and could see he looked like hell but then so did he probably. "Jack told you?"

Greg smiled. "Yeah, I love you too. Just don't ever scare me like this again. I seriously can't handle it."

Nick clutched his hand tighter. "You haven't done anything stupid," he asked him. That made Greg a little ticked off. Everyone seemed to think first thing he would do is run back to drugs. He let go of Nick's hand.

"No, I came straight here to the hospital after Jack called me. I had no time to do anything stupid but damned if everyone doesn't think I did." He got up and stood with his back to Nick, trying to calm his emotions.

Nick felt bad for jumping to conclusions. Obviously he had not been the only one. He knew Greg didn't need that. "I'm sorry. I should have known better. I'm just doped up and not thinking clearly. Please Greg." He saw Greg's shoulders slump and then turned around. His eyes were watery.

"I'm trying my damnedest to hold it together here for you. Please don't make it any more difficult," Greg pleaded with him. Nick waved him to come back to sit by him. He came over and sat down. Nick turned his hand over so Greg could take it. Greg chewed his bottom lip a moment before taking his hand. He lifted his eyes to look at Nick and felt guilty. He was getting mad at a man who just was shot in the chest and got out of surgery only hours ago.

"I'm sorry. Here you are lying in the hospital and again I am making it all about me. I'm so selfish," he said woefully as he looked down, shaking his head.

"Hey, stop that. You said the doctor's said I am going to be okay, let's just concentrate on that." Greg nodded. "Okay. You probably should get some more sleep. I'll be here when you wake up," Greg replied to him.

"Sure, remember I love you." Greg smiled. "I love you too, now sleep some more."

When Nick woke up later, Greg let Jack and others visit him. He stepped out of the room and went downstairs. He had held it together pretty well when sitting with Nick but now his nerves were jarred. He knew Nick was going to be okay but still how close he came to losing him made him realize just how dangerous a job Nick worked. It was actually far more dangerous than being a CSI was and yet they both had suffered when they were CSI's. He couldn't think of his life without Nick now. He remembered Nick saying to him a few months ago to let him be his drugs and he basically had been.

Greg knew he should probably try to get some sleep, but he couldn't sleep with his nerves. He stepped out of the hospital and went across the street to a convenience store there. He walked in and decided to try to keep himself awake then until his nerves calmed down. He bought a Red Bull and a bag of chips. He went to cash out and the clerk asked him if he wanted anything else. He eyed the cigarettes and chewed on his lower lip.

"Uh, yeah, a pack of 305's," he said and then grabbed a lighter that was on the counter to add to the bill. He put a $20 down and the clerk finished his transaction. He walked outside and went around to the side of the store. He opened the pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. He looked at it a moment, pondering what he was about to do but then he went ahead and put it in his mouth. He lit the lighter and lit up the cigarette. He took a long slow intake of it and then blew it out slowly.

After a couple puffs, he opened the Red Bull and drank it down in one take. Then he finished off the cigarette and started a second one. Once his hands stopped shaking he put the cigarette out. Something about the action of smoking calmed his nerves.

He looked back at the hospital and knew he should probably head back inside. He was walking back and realized he smelled like the cigarette. He couldn't go into Nick's room with that smell on him and alarm him. He tried to think of how to get rid of the smell without changing clothes, which he had none to change to. Then he remembered he used to have cologne in his glove compartment of his car for his 'dates'. He never wanted to go see a client smelling super bad. He wondered if he still had any in there. He went to the parking garage of the hospital to where his car was parked. He opened the passenger side door and looked in his glove compartment. He shuffled through some papers and then saw a small bottle. He smiled when he saw it still had some stuff in it. He sprayed it on. He stepped back a moment, trying to detect the cigarette smell. He only smelled the cologne now. He decided to put the cigarettes and lighter in the glove compartment too. If he needed a smoke, he could just come down to his car and have one.

He headed back upstairs to the hospital floor that Nick was on. He stopped momentarily outside the door to check that he didn't smell like smoke again. He felt like he passed his own test so we entered Nick's room.

Nick was sound asleep and he was glad for it. He sat back and watched him sleep. He looked at the heart monitor attached to him and realized he almost died. He knew if he lost Nick he would not make it himself. He knew the call of drugs would be too strong. He shook his head though because Nick was going to be fine. He didn't need to go down into the darkness as long as Nick was around. He could make it, he told himself. He had to keep those dark thoughts out of his head.

He knew he needed to stop this line of thinking and focus on something else. Since he just drank the Red Bull he knew sleeping would not be happening anytime soon. He pulled out his cell phone and started playing games on it while Nick slept.


	6. Chapter 6

Nick opened his eyes and saw Greg with his head down, focused on his cell phone. He figured he was playing a game on it by his focus. He cleared his throat to get his attention. Greg lifted his head and smiled at seeing Nick awake. Nick noticed his eyes looked a little blood shot.

"Hey, how long have you been sitting here playing games?" Nick asked him.

Greg looked down at his phone for the time and shrugged. "I don't know, about 2 hours I guess." Nick frowned some. He knew he had to not have slept in a good 24 hours.

"You should really try to get some sleep. I'm going to be fine. You don't need to watch over me."

Greg sighed. "Look, I nearly lost you. I really can't sleep with that thought in my head. I feel better sitting here with you. Besides I don't want to go home alone."

Nick was curious by his response. "And why don't you want to be home alone?" Greg shrugged. "I'm more likely to be able to sleep here than being home alone while worrying about you here."

"I'm going to be okay. I'm just really tired and sore but I'll be okay. You don't have to worry," Nick reassured him.

"I want to stay here, okay. I'm off work anyway the next couple days. I'll sleep when you sleep. The chair is fine for me." Greg was really hoping he would drop the subject.

Nick could see he was getting irritated. He took pity knowing he probably had been a worried sick when he heard he was shot. He knew that Greg was very dependent on him these days to keep him from making mistakes. "Okay I'll let it go for now. My parents are going to be coming soon, I heard for a short visit."

Greg nodded. "Yeah, your mom called me earlier and told me they will be here later today. They probably will just stay a couple of days just to make sure you are okay."

"Excuse me," a voice said from the doorway. Nick smiled seeing his work partner, Jack. "Hey come on in," Nick said to him. Jack walked in and nodded a hello to Greg. Greg gave a small smile in return.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. I was pretty worried about you back there for a while but not nearly as worried as this guy," he motioned towards Greg. Greg bowed his head in slight embarrassment. He wished everyone would just stop picking on him.

Nick looked over at him and smiled. "Yes, I know he was and still is."

Greg finally stood up. "I'm going to grab something to eat in the cafeteria, that way you all can talk about me behind my back instead," he said grumpily as he started to walk out.

"Greg, we aren't going to talk about you. I have to talk to Nick about the case," Jack said to him, feeling a little bad for him. Greg just waved him off and walked out.

"What's gotten into him?" Jack asked Nick. Nick sighed. "He has not been sleeping so he is just moody. I keep trying to get him to go home but he will not. Hopefully I won't have to stay here too long and we can go home. Then maybe he can get some sleep."

"Well I hope for your sake he does." Jack sat down where Greg has been sitting and began to discuss the case they had been working on when Nick was shot.

Xxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxx

A couple days later Nick was released from the hospital. Greg managed to get one of his co-workers to cover his shift that day but would have to work a double the next day to make up for it. He wanted to be home all day the first day Nick was.

Knowing Nick was going to be okay was helping Greg not be a nervous wreck, but now he worried about leaving him when he did have to work. The doctor had told Nick to take it easy and avoid as much stress or physical activity for at least two weeks. The bullet had been so close to his heart, he didn't want his taking any chances.

Nick worried some about Greg though. He had spent most of his time at the hospital and was hardly sleeping. On their drive home Greg had been very quiet and looked exhausted.

"Hey, once I am settled back at home, I want you to get some sleep," Nick said to him.

Greg stared straight ahead at the road. "Look, you are the one who was shot and needs rest, doctor's orders."

"You look like hell, Greg. Stop being a mule and admit you're tired. And all I've been doing is resting and sleeping the last few days," Nick told him. He earned an angry side glance from his boyfriend.

"Fine! Once you are resting, I will rest some too." Greg knew he probably should get some sleep but when he tried his mind would not let him. He just kept thinking about what would happen to him if he lost Nick. He had saved him from near death. He knew now that had Nick not found him when he did in that crappy motel room months ago, he would have eventually OD's from his drug use. He knew his frame of mind back then and how careless he was with his life. He hoped to never feel that way again.

Nick was satisfied with his answer. He would make sure Greg got some sleep somehow. When they got home, Greg helped Nick into the house. He was overly cautious of his condition. "Look, I'm not some fragile piece of glass. I can walk on my own," Nick finally scolded him once inside.

Greg backed off a little. "Okay. I just want to make sure you're okay," he frowned. If Nick only knew how bad his fears were, he thought to himself.

Nick sat down on the sofa and pulled Greg down next to him. He faced him to talk to him. "Hey, I love that you are so concerned for me but I am home now. I am going to be okay. I will take it easy and let you do all the hard work, like cleaning," he smirked.

His boyfriend sighed. "Okay, I get it. You're going to make a full recovery but you still need time. I just know you and you like to get back to work sooner than you should. Remember I was around when you were buried alive," he reminded him.

Nick slowly nodded his head, knowing what Greg was saying to him. "Yes, I did go back to work too soon after that and I tried to act like nothing happened. Then later I had the slight breakdown. This is not exactly the same. I am not traumatized from this shooting as I was from being buried alive and almost eaten alive by ants. That is the difference. But I promise you I will not go back this time until the doctor gives me his okay, if it makes you feel better."

Greg smiled. "It does. Thanks!" He stood up. "So before we try to get some sleep, how about some chow?" He walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer and pulled out some lasagna to heat up.

After they finished eating, Nick got into bed. Greg said he wanted to take a shower first and then he would go to bed. Nick was asleep by the time Greg got out of the shower. Greg slid into bed quietly beside him. He looked at him sleeping soundly and was satisfied.

He turned onto his back and looked up at the ceiling. He was tired and felt like he could actually sleep this time since he knew Nick was safe and sound next to him. He knew he needed to get some rest since he was going to have to work a double the next day since his co-worker was pulling one for him today.

He did just wonder if life would ever be simple again. The last time he felt like he was living a normal life was when he was with Matthew before he had gotten full blown AIDS.

Thinking about Matthew always made him melancholy. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the good days he had with Matthew. He opened his eyes again and looked over at Nick sleeping next to him. Most of his time back with Nick had its ups and downs. His being shot was definitely a down but at least he was going to have a full recovery.

He remembered the first time he walked into the Las Vegas Crime Lab and saw Nick Stokes. God, he was gorgeous with his smile and muscle toned body, he thought to himself. He wanted to get to know him more. He knew he sort of pestered him in the beginning more than anything but he knew he was growing on the Texan. They both talked of girlfriends and yet were hardly ever seen with one. Greg knew he was lying but he did wonder about Nick when he was almost arrested for killing Kristie. She had been a prostitute.

He shook his head. He only now realized that he was no better than her. In fact, he had been worse than her since he had also been so heavily into drugs. He glared at Nick. "How could you have been so stupid to want me back when you saw me like that?" he said quietly, not wanting to wake the sleeping man.

He sighed heavily and rubbed his hands over his face. He scolded himself for letting the dark thoughts into his mind. Nick would not be happy if he knew he had been having so many of them again lately. Perhaps it was time he scheduled an appointment with his psychiatrist again, Nick would definitely say and he would be right.

He finally shook his head and turned on his side away from Nick. It was time he tried to get some sleep and turn off his overthinking brain. He fell asleep within a few minutes from pure exhaustion.

Nick opened his eyes several hours later. He saw Greg's back to him. He was happy to know he was still in bed, hopefully getting some much needed sleep. He knew that in a few hours he would have to go to work and work for 16 hours. He hoped he would not overdo it. He knew he would worry about him all through his shift, but Nick knew he would be okay. He was going to take it easy. In all honesty, his getting shot scared him too. He had spent more than half of the last year worrying about Greg and never about himself really. He almost forgot what a dangerous job he did work in. He also realized more how much Greg relied on him. He remembered telling him months again to let him be his drug; well it seems he took that to heart.

Greg sleeping started to become a little restless. Nick could hear him moaning in his sleep. He seemed more agitated. He had not had a nightmare in a while. He started to wonder if this was not due to the shooting and the reason behind him hardly sleeping.

Greg suddenly woke up and groaned. He turned on his back. As he turned, he caught Nick looking at him. "How long have you been awake?" He asked Nick. Nick gave him a serious look. "How long have you been having nightmares again? Since I was shot?"

Greg sighed and looked away from him. He was hoping Nick had not noticed but of course, being the detective he was he did. "Yes, only since you were shot. I'm sure they will stop soon now that you are home and recovering."

"I wish you would talk to me about this stuff. You know Dr. Fry said not to hide things from me," he scolded his younger boyfriend.

"You were just shot! My little nightmares are nothing to worry about considering your condition. Damn it Nick, I'll be fine." Greg huffed and swung his legs out from under the sheets and sat up. He ran his hands through his hair and stood up to leave the room.

Nick sat up quickly and immediately regretted it as he groaned in pain. Greg turned around and scolded him. "See you are the one that needs to be worried about! Now just lay back down. I am fine but hungry so I am grabbing something to eat. Do you want anything?"

The Texan lay back down and shook his head. "I'll stay put as long as you just let me know if your nightmares get worse." Greg waved him off. "Fine!" He said loudly before storming out of the bedroom.

Nick knew he probably should not get on his case so much, but he was so worried he about how unhappy he seemed lately. He remembered Greg telling him shortly after his stay in the emotional health hospital that he would be okay as things stayed good in his life. He told him he couldn't guarantee how he would be in bad times but he would try to stay clean. He knew that right now he was really stressing out and he could only hope that he stayed away from any drug temptations.

As Greg made an omelet for himself, he tried to cool his temper and nerves. Cooking had become something of a soothing act for him in the recent months. He had been home so much since he could not find a job; he would sit in front of the TV watching cooking shows. He started to cook for Nick when he got home and had managed to impress his boyfriend. Prior he was not that great of a cook but that had changed.

He was just sitting down at the table to eat his meal when Nick slowly came out of the bedroom. Greg watched him take his time going to the sofa to sit down. "You sure you don't want an omelet or something?" The younger man asked him.

"No, I'm really not hungry. It's probably the medication making me not have much of an appetite." Greg lowered his head and played with his omelet. "Yeah I know how that can be."

Nick looked at him cautiously. He had been prescribed Oxycodone and knew that was what got Greg hooked in the first place on drugs. He tried to get the doctor to give him something else but his doctor told him this would be best. This was the other reason he was worried about Greg, having the drug in the house. Nick kept it in his pocket or on his bedside when he slept. He didn't want a temptation is his face.

Nick decided to change the subject instead. "When are you leaving for work?"

Greg took a piece of his meal before answering. "I have to leave in about two hours. I know Jack said he would stop in and check on you when I was at work today since I will be gone so long."

"I'll be fine. I mostly am going to be sleeping probably anyway. That or sitting here watching TV."

Greg shrugged. "As long as you take it easy, that is all I care about. No more almost giving me a heart attack. I can't deal with another scare like that right now."

Nick raised his hand like he was in court. "I promise to take it easy and not do anything to make you worry, I swear." Greg rolled his eyes at him. "Funny," he grunted before he finished off his omelet.

"If you don't mind, I am going to at least get dressed for work so I can leave when it is time. But I'll be back out here to watch some TV or play games or whatever you want to do before I leave."

Nick cracked a wicked smile and raised his eyebrow. Greg narrowed his eyes at him. "No, you are not well enough for any play time with me. No physical exertion your doctor said and that would require a lot of that from you, old man!"

Nick grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. "Hey now! I'm not that old yet," he pouted. Greg caught the pillow and just smirked knowing he got a little fun rise out of his boyfriend. He lightly tossed the pillow back to Nick. "Nice try, hot shot!" He turned his back to Nick and walked into the bedroom to get dressed.

Nick still was pouting a little but overall he was happy the fun side of Greg came out briefly for a visit.


	7. Chapter 7

At work, Greg looked down at the end of the bar at his former client getting another drink from his fellow bartender. Greg had asked Terry to take care of him and told him why. He told him that Frankie was one of his old clients. Yes, Greg had been open with a couple of his co-workers on his past life. Some already knew because they used to hang around the same scene.

Frankie kept eyeing Greg as he grabbed his 4th Long Island Iced Tea from Terry and took it back to his table with another man. Greg felt dirty just the way he looked at him. He didn't like when he was in the bar and wished he had never run into him again.

It was nearing closing time and Greg noticed that Frankie had left some time earlier. He was glad he never approached him. He was worried that the man would try to solicit his former services again. It was just after 5 am by the time Greg left the bar. He walked out the back alley to go to the parking lot across the way. He suddenly heard someone call his name. He turned around and saw it was Frankie. He had a bottle of whisky in his hand. He looked disheveled and hungry but not for food. He was walking closer to him. Greg tensed up seeing the man near him.

"What do you want, Frankie? I already told you I am not interested anymore in that line of work," Greg quickly said, glaring into his hazel eyes. Frankie just smirked at him. "You know what they say, once a druggie always a druggie. Goes the same for Whores too. You would be both."

Greg was trying to keep calm but finding it difficult with Frankie nearly on top of him, having backed him against the alley wall. "Look, I just want to go home and get some sleep. I have a BOYFRIEND waiting for me," he emphasized.

"Does he enjoy plunging into that candy ass of yours as much as I did? I bet not. I would pay you $100 right now to plunge into that ass of yours," Frankie slurred.

Greg took a deep breath trying to calm his jarred nerves at hearing his proposition. "I'm not for sale anymore. Now if you don't mind, I am going home." He turned around to leave and started walking off when he felt something hard hit his head, causing him to fall to the ground.

He laid on his side facing the alley wall. His head spun and throbbed. He felt something wet dripping from his head. It dripped into his mouth. It was a mixture of whisky and his blood. Suddenly he felt a hard kick at his back and he screamed out in pain as his old injury was aggravated.

"Little fucker think you can turn me down like that. You're a fucking whore. I won't take any shit from any fucking whore like you," he heard Frankie yell as another kick at his backside made him scream out in pain.

His world was spinning more as he heard shouting and yelling around him. His eyes were squeezed shut in pain as all hell seemed to break out in back of him. But all he could feel was the pain in his head with his back feeling like it was on fire. He felt momentarily paralyzed in trying to move. Fear registered in the back of his head as he lay completely still and yet in utter pain.

It seemed like a couple minutes before he heard someone saying his name. He felt someone touch his arm. He opened his eyes and saw a scared looking Terry kneeling down by his head. "Hey Greg, can you hear me? I'm going to call 911."

"No, no please don't. No cops I don't want any cops involved." Greg said as he reached up and felt a knot growing on his head. Terry shook his head, looking at him like he was crazy.

"This guy has been stalking you at the bar and now beat you up and you don't want the cops called on him? Are you crazy?" His coworker asked him.

"Please Terry, no cops. Remember I live with one that is enough." He tried to move and groaned in pain. "Well damn Greg, if anything I am taking you to the hospital." Terry looked off to the side and talked to someone else.

"Get that piece of trash out of here. And make sure he is never let near this place or Greg again," Terry commanded someone.

"Who's that?" Greg asked, not being able to see who he was talking to. Terry turned his attention back to Greg. "It's Jones, the custodial guy. He's the one who heard the commotion out here and came and got me. I came out here and saw you on the ground with that creep kicking you. I heard you scream out and I grabbed the fucker and threw him to the ground and kicked his own ass. I still think you should call the cops, even if you have your cop at home to tell."

Greg slowly shook his head and regretted even the little movement as his head spun. "No, I may be in love with a cop but since my past I rather stay clear of all others."

Terry sighed in resignation. "Fine, no cops. Now do you think you can sit up?"

Greg tried to move but felt a sharp pain go up his spine. "Fuck, give me a moment," he said to Terry as he worried about what kind of damage possibly happened to his back. "I should call Nick," Terry said. Greg reached out and grabbed Terry's arm.

"NO!" he said sharply. "He's still recovering from a gunshot. I'll get up and you can take me to the hospital to get checked out but I don't want Nick to know until I get home. Please!"

Terry shook his head again. "You are a weird guy, Greg but I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Thank you!" Greg cringed as he tried to move. He finally managed to sit up but with great pain in his back and head. He reached out his hand to Terry. "Help me up, please."

Terry stood up and then took his hand. Greg got up slowly and unsteadily. Terry helped steady him up. "You're in bad shape," Terry said to him.

"It's my back, my old injury he aggravated." Greg said to him. Terry helped him to his own SUV and helped him in. He got behind the wheel and looked at his passenger. Greg had his head back against the head rest. Blood dripped down the side of his head from where he was hit.

"Reach in my glove compartment. There is a towel there you can put to your head," Terry told him. Greg did as he said. "Thanks man," he said as he winced while putting the towel to the cut on his head.

A couple hours later Terry was dropping Greg off at home. Greg thanked him for all his help and waved goodbye to him. As Greg approached the front door to his home, he tried to think of how he was going to go in and deal with Nick. Maybe he would be lucky and Nick would still be asleep and not notice he was home a little later than normal. He felt the top of his head where he had received 12 stitches for the cut he received from the bottle that Frankie hit him with. That would not be that easy to hide but would be harder was the pain he was in from his back. The doctor told him he had a deep bruise that was swelling and gave him some 600MG ibuprofen, knowing he could not be given any narcotic with his past drug use.

He could hardly walk straight because of the pain he was in. He put his key in the door and opened it up. He walked in and locked it behind him. He walked slowly so he would not be in so much pain. He came into the living room and that's when he saw Nick. Nick was on the sofa seemingly waiting for him to come home.

"You think you could have called and told me you were going to be late?" Nick scolded him.

"I'm sorry. I had a bad night," he told him. He was hoping he could just take a shower and go to bed without much conversation.

Nick noticed he looked like hell and was walking sort of funny. "What's wrong with you? What made it a bad night?"

Greg now knew he would not let him go until he told him but he wasn't going to tell him the whole truth. He didn't need more worry from Nick if he knew the actual truth.

"I was trying to help break up a bar fight outside when I left when I sort of got in the middle of it in the wrong way," he shrugged. He stayed standing because he knew it would be more obvious if he sat down of the pain he was in.

Nick became concerned suddenly. "Were you hurt?" Greg lowered his head a little and pointed to where he had the stitches. Nick jumped up and looked more closely.

Greg lifted his head and saw the mix of emotions wash over Nick's face; shock, worry, hurt and anger. "You went to the hospital and didn't even bother to call me and let me know you were hurt?"

"Look, you just got home from the hospital a day ago. I really didn't want you to get worked up. I'm going to be okay. I'm just really tired and want to take a shower. Can we talk more about it when I wake up, please?" He tried giving his best puppy dog eyes to Nick.

It seemed to have worked. Nick softened up. "Does it hurt?"

"Yeah some but they gave me some prescription strength ibuprofen to take. I'm just really beat…um… no pun intended," he smirked. Nick smiled. "Take your shower. I'll meet you in bed."

Once in the bathroom, Greg gingerly removed his clothes, gritting his teeth from the pain in his back the whole time. He already took 2 ibuprofen but they didn't seem to be doing the job. He hoped maybe the shower would make him feel better with the warm water on his back.

It did feel slightly better as he stepped out of the shower. He put on his pajama bottoms and a t-shirt before walking out of the bathroom. He really didn't want Nick to know about his back problems. He knew it would be cause for concern and he would have every right to be concerned.

Greg walked out and saw Nick in bed. He also spied the OxyContin by his bedside. What he would give to have a couple of those in his system right now but that was how he got hooked in the first place. That's what also had him not trusting his self. The pull was strong with the pain he was enduring. Fortunately over the years he was good at hiding the pain most of the time.

He looked away from the pills and went to the bed, sitting down slowly on the side before pulling his legs under the covers. He gritted his teeth the whole time, trying not to let one peep of the pain he was in out. Lying on his back was not going to work, so he was on his side, away from Nick right away.

"You feel better after the shower?" Nick asked him quietly.

"Yes," he said through a yawn. He really was tired. He guessed it was the slight concussion he failed to mention he had that was causing it.

"Okay I get it. Get some sleep and we'll talk more in the morning," Nick chuckled a little. "I love you," he said to him before closing his eyes.

Greg closed his eyes and said "I love you too," back to him before he was out like a light.

Nick woke up and looked over at Greg. He was still sleeping. He was happy to see that for once he seemed to really be getting the sleep he needed. Although he did worry that it might have been due to the cut he took on the head. He really wished he would have had more details on what happened to him before he went to sleep. But at least he seemed to be okay and that made him happy.

He heard a little groan from Greg. He took that as a sign that he was waking up. He decided to snuggle closer to him and wrap his arms around his back.

"Aaaahhh, no," Greg yelled suddenly in pain and pulled Nick's arms off of him. Nick retreated back on the bed, alarmed at his scream in pain. It was not just his head that was injured he gathered now.

"Don't touch me! Fuck." Greg cursed as he waited for the pain to subside in his back. These pills were not working as well as he hoped.

"Well perhaps if you had told me before you went to sleep that your head is not the only part of you that got hurt, I would have hurt you," Nick yelled back. "You need to tell me everything."

Greg sighed heavily, knowing he would have to now or Nick would never let it go. But yet he would spin the truth his own way. He didn't turn around; he kept on his side with his back to Nick. "Fine, I'll tell you how it went down."

"I was trying to break up this fight between these really two drunk guys. One of them had a bottle of whisky in his hand. When I got between them, that guy hit me over the head with the bottle. I fell to the ground and he began to kick me. It was not until Terry and the custodial guy came out and got him off me. Terry had them taken care of before he came to me and took me to the hospital. He saw I was bleeding from my head and was in pain so he insisted I go."

Nick felt like he was missing something from the story but he could not be sure what. "So your ribs are bruised?" Nick asked him.

He saw Greg shake his head. Greg sighed and reached around his back and lifted his shirt for Nick to see. Nick gasped at the size of the bruise on his back. He knew it was where his scar was too. "Jesus, Greg! What did the doctor say? Did he re-injure anything seriously?"

Greg put his shirt back down. "No, just some swelling and bruising that should go away after a while."

Now Nick was concerned. "How bad does it hurt?"

"Not too bad except when someone touches me there," Greg pointed out.

"Well someone would not have touched you there had you said something prior to me. Why do you insist upon keeping secrets from me? It worries me when you do. It makes me think what else you might be hiding from me," Nick told him.

Greg finally turned over slowly onto his other side, with a slight grimace. He wanted to be able to talk to Nick face to face. "You are still recovering from a gunshot wound. I hardly think what happened to me is something you need to worry about while you are recovering."

"I wish you would let me make my own decisions on that stuff and not make them for me," Nick said angrily.

"I thought that for once I was putting your needs in front of my own. You don't need to be stressing out about me, I'll be fine."

"Yeah but you didn't sound fine when I touched you," Nick said to him.

"It's probably time to take more ibuprofen is all," he shrugged.

"You're not going to work tonight are you?"

"Yes, I am. I can't afford to miss another day." He saw the doubting look that Nick was giving him. "I've gotten through worse days."

Nick knew how he got through a lot of those days and it was with drugs. He was worried about him turning back down that path. He was worried even before this new incident. He knew he had been more depressed lately. It made him think.

"Have you been taking your Prozac?" Greg glared at him. "Yes, I have so this is not me talking without medication. I am medicated so don't worry."

"I love you Greg and I just thought once you started working things would get better but I am not seeing it."

"I already told you that just because I am working don't mean it's a job I want to be working. I mean how many times do we have to have the same conversation?" Frustrated he rolled back over slowly and sat up, trying to hide the pain he felt.

"Where are you going?" Nick asked him.

"Using the bathroom, do you mind?" he responded snidely. Nick backed off on him and decided to sit up himself. He hated dealing with Greg when he was so moody. He missed the fun, happy Greg days but they were long gone. He knew he should not expect them to return after everything that had happened since those days. He had changed too. He himself had grown more cynical to the world over the years. Seeing so many people die from drugs and shootings did it to a person after a while. His career was not always an easy one. Greg seemed to have forgotten what it was like to work with the acts of bad people always being in your face on a daily basis. He would almost trade a day of simple bartending with Greg just to live a simpler life.

The bathroom door opened and Greg came out. He looked at Nick sitting on the edge of the bed. "Do you want anything for breakfast?" he asked him. And just like that Greg had basically told Nick he no longer wanted talk about what they had been talking about.

"I'm going to take a shower first but then I would like whatever you are having." The younger man nodded and walked out of the bedroom. Nick ran a hand through his short hair. It could be so frustrating living with him at times. He went off into the bathroom to get ready to take a shower.

Greg was waiting for Nick to start the shower before he came back into the bedroom. He saw Nick left his pills on his bedside. He walked over there and picked up the bottle. It was still nearly full. The dosage prescribed to Nick was one pill every 8 hours. Greg looked nervously at the bathroom door. He needed something stronger for his pain and he knew he should not be taking them but he could control himself this time around, so he told himself.

He opened the bottle and grabbed a couple pills to get him through the day. He figured he would take one now and one during work. Nick probably wouldn't notice a couple missing. The doctor gave him more than he would need.

He closed the bottle and placed it where it had been. He took one pill into his mouth and swallowed without water, like he had done many times in the past. He pocketed the other one in his jeans pocket. He sighed heavily, hoping this would solve his pain issues without any harm.


	8. Chapter 8

They had argued but Greg ended off going to work as he said he would. He seemed to be feeling better so maybe it was going to be okay. Nick in the meantime, stayed home flipping through the TV channels until there was a knock at the front door. He got up gingerly as he still hurt a little in his chest but it was improving. He looked out the peephole and saw their new neighbor, Joe, standing there. He opened up the door to him.

"Hi Joe, come on in." He walked in, looking around the house he had never been in before. It was a pretty nice place for a cop he figured. He had a basket of fresh fruit with him. "So I heard you were shot and all. I figured some fresh fruit might be something you are able to have and can help you out," he said as he handed Nick the basket. Nick smiled at him and took it.

"Thanks! That was really thoughtful of you. I definitely will eat most of this. Why don't you take a seat?" Nick offered while he placed the basket of fruit on their coffee table.

Joe sat down and looked around more. "Nice place you got here. How long have you lived here?"

Nick took a seat too. "Wow, I don't know. I guess about 10 years at least now. I lived here a couple years before Greg moved in. We were together here about 4 years before we split. He just came back earlier this year to live with me again."

"So you two were apart for a few years it sounds like," Joe queried.

"Yeah, a lot of that was my fault. He had lost his job and I wasn't taking his feelings into consideration when I was still working and telling him all about work. Plus he had been really depressed about what happened." Nick thought back, realizing now that Greg's problems really did start back then. He says he was happy when Matthew was in his life but he never witnessed that. He supposed it was true but sometimes wondered how happy he really was.

"But I guess he found his way back to you after all that time," Joe said, hoping to learn more about the couple from Nick directly. He already knew a lot just by looking up Greg Sanders name on the internet. He had been shocked to learn that he been involved in drugs and prostitution in the recent years. They must have had a really strong bond for Nick to fight to get him straightened out, which he did seem to be now.

"Yeah it was a bit…rough for a while but we never really stopped loving each other and in the end I guess that is what won out."

"He always seems a little preoccupied when I see him, is that common?" Joe asked him. Nick was starting to wonder where all these questions about their relationship were coming from.

"Perhaps, but why so many questions about us?" Joe cleared his throat. "Uh, I guess I am just trying to get to know my neighbors better. And perhaps I am maybe a little jealous of your relationship. I've never been so lucky to have one last so long." He shrugged. "I'm sorry I guess I should be asking how you feel and if there is anything I could do for you."

Nick relaxed a bit more hearing Joe's apology. He guessed he never thought about how long they had been together, off and on. "I'm feeling okay. Still a bit sore but taking it easy so I can recover faster and get back to work."

"Yeah I bet. I go crazy if I am not working too many days. I get restless, especially since I have nothing going on outside of work right now."

"Have you tried going to any of the local clubs or bars at all yet?" Nick asked him, kind of feeling sorry for the newbie to Las Vegas.

"No, guess I have mostly been focused on my new job. I suppose one of these off days I will try going to one. I did hear there was a new bar for gay, professional men to enjoy each other's company at. I think it is called Golden Ram."

Nick coughed a little, hearing the name of Greg's work location. "Um, yeah funny you mentioned that place. That is where Greg works as a bartender."

Joe was genuinely surprised. "Really?! Oh I had no idea. That is kind of funny. Maybe not the place to go to then, I don't want to make him feel awkward serving me or anything."

"I doubt he would feel that way, besides you are new to town and that might be a good place for you to go to. Greg said it is decent just not his ideal place to work though."

"Well maybe I will someday. Anyway, right now, is there anything I can help you out with while I am here? I am a good handyman," he showed off his pearly whites at Nick.

Nick laughed. "No, I think we are okay for now. Say, do you play any video games? I get bored with playing by myself when Greg is gone."

Joe smiled again. "Yeah I love video games. Probably the only thing that keeps me busy when I am at home. What's your fave?"

They started talking about the video games they liked to play. They then started a game of Call of Duty.

Xxx xxx xxx xxx

Luckily Greg had an uneventful day at work. The OxyContin had done a much better job than the Ibuprofen was doing but his last pill was wearing off on his drive home from work. He was going to have to try to sneak another one from Nick's bottle when he got home.

He opened the door and surprised to see Nick sitting on the couch with their neighbor, Joe. Nick looked up at hearing the door open. He looked surprised. "Wow, is it that late already?"

Greg walked in feeling a little perturbed by the visitor being there at such a late hour. "Yeah it is that late already. Why is Joe here? Did something happen while I was gone?"

Joe stood up quickly and moved away from Nick. He had really enjoyed Nick's company and they got to playing games for hours and then just were talking about things in general the last hour or so. He didn't even realize it was as late as it was. "No, sorry. I just came by earlier to give Nick this fruit basket since I heard he was shot. I guess we got to talking and playing games and lost track of time."

Greg looked at Joe and saw he seemed a bit nervous. He then looked to Nick so seemed not too worried about anything. "Yes, exactly what he said. We were playing Call of Duty for a while and then moved to GTA and just been talking for a while now. I had no idea it was the time it is. How was work? You feel okay?"

Greg looked between the two of them and felt a little weird. Here were two great looking men, both gay, having a good time together in their house while he was not around. "Um, yeah I am fine. I'm just tired is all. Standing so many hours kind of has put a strain on my back, so I am going to shower and hit the sack. You two can keep doing whatever it is your doing."

Greg took off to the bedroom with hardly another word. He saw that Nick still had the pills on his nightstand. He looked back and saw Nick and Joe talking. It looked like Nick was going to walk him to the door to leave. Greg quickly grabbed the bottle and grabbed two more pills and placed it back before Nick came back into the room.

He managed to get into the bathroom and swallow down both pills. He really was in a lot of pain and two pills before sleeping would be okay, he told himself. He got in the shower and felt the warmth of the water wash over him. He was already feeling more relaxed with the pills that he didn't even hear Nick walk into the bathroom.

Nick stepped out of his clothes and joined Greg in the shower, causing the younger man to jump in surprise. "Geez, don't sneak up on someone like that."

"Well I would have thought you heard me come in. Must have a lot on your mind, I hope it's not about Joe," Nick said to him as he grabbed the loofah out of Greg's hands and started washing his back with it. He made sure to go lightly on his lower back area. He noticed the bruise looked almost worst today.

"Well I was a bit surprised to see him when I came home. I mean when you see your boyfriend with another gay man on your couch your mind might play tricks on you," he admitted.

Nick made him turn around to face him. He saw it now, the worry in his face. He reached up and touched his face. "Babe, you have nothing to worry about. I only want you." Greg frowned. "Yeah but he is really good looking."

Nick had to smile at him. He was just too adorable when he was jealous. "Yes, he is really good looking. But you are the hottest thing to walk this planet." Greg blushed some and for some reason he always felt he owed Nick when he complimented him. He placed his hand around Nick's penis and gave it a tug, causing the older man to gasp at the tease.

"You're pretty hot too. I bet I can make you even hotter," he said before going down on Nick. As the water washed over the top of his head, he licked the tip of Nick's penis before taking him fully in his mouth.

Nick's head fell back as Greg worked his magical mouth on him. He had to admit, he never grew tired of Greg sucking him off. He really was a pro at it. He just tried not to think of why he was such a pro at it.

"Oh Greg, holy fuck!" he called out as he came in his mouth. Greg swallowed all of him and retreated his mouth from his penis. He stayed kneeling for a little while. His knew he probably should not have knelt down with his back being the way it was.

Nick looked down at him not moving and realized he couldn't get himself up. He grabbed his hands in his own and Greg looked up. "I'll help pull you up." Greg nodded and on the count of three Nick helped him up. Greg moaned a little in pain as he stood up. Nick frowned at him. "You shouldn't have done that with your back hurting."

Greg hung his head. "Yeah, I realize that now."

"I loved it though. So let's finish up this shower and get to bed to get some sleep," Nick finally said to him. Greg just nodded. Nick never liked it when Greg got quiet, especially after sex. He often wondered if he thought back to his days as a prostitute. He knew he was often disgusted with himself for that time of his life but he rarely talked about it.

Nick sat on the side of his bed and picked up his pill bottle. He was still thinking about Greg that he didn't notice any pills noticing when he took his one. Greg had been eyeing him out of the side of his eyes trying to gage if he noticed anything. He was relieved when Nick took his pill and lay down in bed next to him.

Nick leaned over and kissed him on the lips. "Get some sleep, Babe. You need your rest too. It's not just me," Nick told him.

"I know. Good night Nick." Greg couldn't stay on his back so he turned on his side away from Nick and fell soon asleep.

Greg woke up hours later feeling on edge. Nick was still asleep. He looked at the pill bottle and wanted to grab a couple more but he couldn't with Nick right there. He could wake up and see him taking them. He had already taken four pills. He was going to notice soon if he kept taking two at a time but those were the only pills helping him with his pain. He knew something else that could help him even more. He shook the thought out of his head. He just had to manage to get a couple more pills from Nick's bottle. He needed Nick to wake up and at least use the bathroom. That would give him enough time to grab a few.

He purposely loudly stretched and turned over in bed to face Nick. Nick cracked open his eyes and saw his lover. "Good morning, sunshine," he said to him. Greg smiled but felt guilty doing it. "Sorry if I woke you," he said to him.

Nick waved his hand at him. "No worries, I think I slept long enough. I slept some more after you left yesterday anyway. I am getting more sleep than you. How did you sleep?"

"Fairly well, I guess. I just woke up myself."

Nick reached out and touched his head where the stitches were. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay, I haven't had any dizziness so that is good."

"That is good. I'll be right back." He got up and grabbed the pill bottle as he walked to the bathroom. Greg laid back his head in frustration. He wasn't going to get any pills this time.

Nick washed his hands and then opened his pill bottle to take one. He noticed it looked like there were fewer pills than should have been in it. He poured them out into his hand and started counting them. He thought about how many he had taken and knew there were less remaining than should have been. He kept them at his bedside or on him most of the time. But there were a few moments he left them on the nightstand when he was out of the room, but Greg was still there. He clutched his hand around the pills not wanting to think Greg had taken some but if he was in pain from his back, he knew there was a really good chance he had. He looked at himself in the mirror and took a deep breath before confronting Greg.

Greg was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling when Nick came out. "We need to talk," Nick started. Greg looked at him and realized he had figured out pills were missing. Now he had to figure out what to say.

"What do you want to talk about?" Greg said quietly. Nick held up the OxyContin bottle. "We need to talk about these. There are some missing. Did you take them?"

Greg sat up and glared at him. "Oh so your first thought is Greg, the former drug addict, had to have taken these pills. In no way could the pharmacy screwed up and not given enough pills." He got up and grimaced but stood to face him anyway. "Once an addict always an addict, isn't that what they say?" Even as he said it he knew they were right and he was lying to himself to think he didn't already want a stronger fix.

Nick didn't expect to him get quiet as agitated as he was. "So you are saying you didn't take them?"

"That's what I am saying. Now if you'll excuse me I need to use the bathroom too." He walked right past him and shut the door behind him as he entered the bathroom. He stopped at the sink and looked at himself. He knew Nick knew he was lying. He completely over-reacted. How was he going to save face with Nick? He wasn't really addicted yet. He only had 4 pills so far. It was not that much.

He knew he could not avoid Nick forever. He wasn't going anywhere. He had to face the music. He walked to the door and took the handle. He opened the door slowly and saw Nick sitting on the bed staring at him as he opened the door.

Greg moved to the side and leaned against the wall, folding his arms defensively. "Okay, I took 4 pills. Two yesterday and two the day before, that's all. No more than the normal daily dosage. My back was hurting me more than I let on. I won't take anymore. I'll stick with what the doctor gave to me," he told Nick.

Nick was actually surprised he fessed up to taking them so quickly. Perhaps he didn't need to worry about him as much as he thought. He stood up and approached Greg. He noticed Greg tensed up. "I'm proud of you confessing that you took them. I'm also glad to hear it was not too many. I did count and your numbers match what is missing."

"Okay so now what?" Greg asked, unsure of what Nick wanted from him. Nick took his hand and said to follow him.

He followed him into the kitchen. Nick pulled the bottle out of his pocket and proceeded to dump the contents into the sink. He started running the water and then the garbage disposal.

"Wait! Stop! You need those," Greg exclaimed.

Nick waited until the pills were all disposed of and then turned to face his boyfriend. "No I don't need them, not at the expense of you possibly taking them." That act made Greg feel incredibly guilt, so he turned away and walked into the living room.

Nick sighed. "Look I didn't mean it the way it came out. I'm not in that much pain anymore. I really can do without them. I can just take over the counter stuff."

Greg turned around, hurt evident in his eyes. "No, you meant you wanted to keep them away from your former drug addict boyfriend. You don't want me to get hooked again."

"Can you blame me? I mean really Greg. I saw you at your worst. I don't ever want to see that again."

Greg rubbed his hands over his face. "I know, I know." He finally sat down on the couch. Nick came and sat next to him. "I don't want you to feel bad about this because I know what that does to you. Like I said, I am proud you ended up telling me the truth. That is huge, Greg."

Greg was looking down at the ground. "It doesn't feel like it. It feels like I was caught red handed with my hand in the cookie jar. And now I am just waiting for my punishment."

Nick put his hand on his knee. "There isn't going to be any punishment. The drugs are gone. You said you are going to keep clean. It's just easier without any temptation around."

"Yes I guess," he frowned.

Nick grabbed his chin and made him face him. "It is. Just remember I am here if you need to talk." He gave him a lingering kiss.

"I love you, remember that," Nick said to him.

"I love you. I love you so much. I don't know what I did to deserve your faith in me."

"Let's not go down this road again. You deserve my love more than I deserve yours. Now let's get you out of this funk. Why don't you cook up some breakfast? I know it helps you to cook."

Greg smiled. He was right, it did. "Okay food coming right up."


	9. Chapter 9

Greg was wiping down the bar when Chad, the owner came up to him. "Can you go into the back and grab another case of Taittingers? I got a party downstairs that is asking for more." Greg nodded and went into the storage room to find the champagne. He found a box behind a couple other boxes. As he moved the boxes, he strained his back. He cursed as he stood up and tried to straighten himself out. His back had finally been getting better. A lot of the swelling had gone down but now it felt messed up again.

He had his hand on his back when Terry came into the storage room. He saw Greg seemingly in pain. "Dude, you should have asked me to help you get the box. You should not be trying to lift anything heavy with your back. You should have called the police on that guy's ass." Terry shook his head at him as he grabbed the box for him.

"You know, I didn't want to tell you but I probably should. I saw the asshole the other day hanging around outside. I saw him and told him next time I saw him I would call the cops immediately. He took off after that," Terry told him.

"Shit, that guy is crazy. Just what I don't need," Greg said as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Seriously, keep your eyes open for him. I think he had it in for you for some reason. Now I'll take this to Chad. You just grab that bottle of Grey Goose and take it to Jonny."

"Sure, thanks," Greg said as he took the bottle and walked out to the bar with it. Jonny was another bartender that worked part-time only. He was one of the ones who helped with the activities downstairs. Terry and Greg were probably the only two who stayed upstairs and took no part in the extracurricular activities that went on downstairs.

Greg's speed was slowed down by the pain going through his back now. He had no pain pills on him and standing was making it worse. His boss Chad had been eyeing him after Terry had informed him of his bad back. Chad finally pulled Greg to the side. "Listen, we aren't too busy upstairs here tonight. Why don't you go home early and rest that back of yours."

Greg felt guilty. "Nah, I will be fine." Chad shook his head. "No, you won't be. Now go before it gets worse and then I don't have you around for several days," Chad commanded him.

Greg grinned a little. "You're a good guy Chad. Thanks!" Chad just waved him off to leave already.

His nerves were a little on edge with the news of Frankie lurking around and his back cramping up. He was walking to his car when he heard his name called. He had a quick case of Deja view before turning around and being relieved at who he saw.

"Hey, I saw you leaving and wanted to see how you were doing before you left," said the handsome dark haired man.

"Hi Shane, you spooked me there for a moment. I thought you were someone else," Greg told him.

"And who would that be?" his former client asked him. "You remember Frankie?" Shane nodded. "Yeah, that jackass. Is he still harassing you?"

"You have no idea," Greg mumbled.

"What did he do this time to you?"

Greg often talked to Shane when they were together. Shane was probably the only client he had that actually sort of cared about him in his own way. Shane knew firsthand how violent Frankie could get. He saw the after effects on Greg one evening. Greg had bruises all over his body one night, given to him by Frankie. Shane had seen them and told Greg that evening all he wanted was a blow job after seeing how much abuse his body had taken the previous night from the creep.

"He came up to me after work one day and jumped me. He is pissed that I am out of the business and won't give him one more chance at me, I guess." Greg told him.

"What? Did you hurt you?" Shane asked with concern.

"Yeah I ended up getting 12 stitches in my head from a whisky bottle he wacked me with and he aggravated my back injury. Which today I aggravated again by picking up a box."

"Shit man. How are you coping?" Shane queried.

"Hmm, right now? Not that great. It's fucking killing me." Greg admitted.

"You got anything for it?" Shane asked with a raised eyebrow. Greg knew what he was implying.

"No, I just have to take some over the counter stuff." Shane scoffed. "And will that really work for you? I know you man."

Greg shook his head. "I can't go back to it. I can't."

"I told you, you just overdid it before. You have to ride it out as long as you can before taking another hit. You were taking hits at the first sign of withdrawals. You have to wait until you get to that point where you truly need your next hit and then you do it. I mean you overdosed once, didn't you?" Shane asked him.

Greg shrugged. "Yeah but it wasn't all my own doing."

"I have some good stuff. Stuff that won't make you feel all out of it like the shit you were taking. I mean look how I can function like a normal human being. You can do it too and be free of pain at the same time."

"You make it very tempting," Greg felt an old itch and was really thinking maybe Shane was right. He was a businessman and ran a huge company. He lived in a mansion and got through each day being an addict. He missed the initial high you felt when you had that needle first go into your vein. There was nothing like it. A few minutes of euphoria and relaxation and then just riding the wave as it slowly went out.

"Look, I got some stuff back in my suite," Shane told him. Greg gave him a questioning look. "Suite? Not your big old house?"

"I have a ton of renovations going on right now, so I have myself the penthouse suite at the Hilton for a month. I'm on my second week there. If you come with me, I can serve you up a nice little high and make that pain go away," Shane smirked at him.

Greg hesitated a moment and then shook his head. "No, I can't."

Shane shrugged. "Well if you change your mind, you still have my number, don't you?"

Greg had kept his business card in his wallet. "Yes, I do."

"Well good luck then. I am heading home, well to the penthouse anyway. Again, call me if you change your mind. I don't expect you to give me any favors, if you know what I mean. I like you, I told you that before. It doesn't have to be about sex, although you are damn sexy when you are being fucked," Shane chuckled. Greg smiled but was not sure it was a compliment or not.

He waited until Shane was gone before getting into his car. He sat in his car a few moments, pondering the offer. The pain was real and the need was real but he couldn't give in.

He was starting his car when suddenly he heard a pounding on his passenger side window. He looked over and was scared at who he saw. It was Frankie and he looked crazed. He didn't know what his deal was but it was becoming obsessive.

"You little fuck. I saw you with that other guy. He can get time with you but I can't? What makes him so great?" Frankie yelled at him.

Greg yelled back. "He's not bat shit crazy like you are. He never beat me. Go find some new whore who will satisfy your sick fantasies." Greg was not going to wait for his response. He put his car in drive and took off. He saw Frankie throw something at his car. He heard a thunk against it but kept driving. He got to a safe distance and pulled off into a strip mall parking lot. His was a nervous wreck after that encounter. He put his hands out and saw they were shaking. He couldn't go home a nervous wreck like this. Nick would worry again and ask questions. He still had not told Nick about Frankie basically stalking him. He was grateful he didn't seem to know where he lived.

He couldn't calm down. He thought about Shane's offer and it suddenly seemed like he needed that help after all. Nick was not expecting him home for a few hours anyway since he was let out of work early. He could get a hit and by the time he went home it would be still active.

He started up the car and started driving again. He parked his car and got out his wallet. He pulled out Shane's card and called his cell number he had on it. "Hey does your offer still stand?" He asked when the other man answered. "I'll be in the lobby if it does." He heard a "Hell yeah! I'll be down to get ya."

He put the cell phone in his pocket and left his car to meet Shane in the lobby. He was still slightly shaking when Shane met him. Shane noticed he looked jarred.

"Come on, I'll take care of you." He walked him into the elevator and put his key to the reader to get his access to the penthouse floor.

"What happened to you? You look like you saw a ghost," Shane asked him as the exited the elevator.

"Frankie happened," Greg said to him.

"What the fuck? How did that happen in the little time since I have seen you?" Shane opened the door to his penthouse. Greg walked in and looked around. It had been a while since he was in a place of such opulence. Shane was the only one who ever got them a nice hotel room when they were together in the past. Most of the others would just do it at the roach motel he was living in at the time.

He made Greg sit down on a plush sectional. He went to the kitchen area and grabbed a couple of beers. He handed one to Greg. "Relax and tell me what happened."

Greg didn't know what about Shane that he felt he could talk to more than he could Nick but perhaps it was that he knew what life being a drug addict was like. He knew Greg in his darkest times and still treated him like a human being.

He told him exactly what happened. Shane was flabbergasted. "I don't ever remember him being that crazed about anyone. I wonder if he isn't doing some kind of new drugs. There is a lot of new stuff out there that make you a little crazy. I know a lot of guys have tried to get me to mix my drugs but I know better than to do that. It's best to stick with what you know." Greg just nodded with him in agreement.

"Now, let's get you to relax some," Shane said to him. He pulled his coffee table closer to him. "I was just about to partake in my own hit when you called. I got extra syringes. I know how you are about not sharing syringes. Another reason I always thought you still had your smarts about you. Condoms and no sharing syringes equals smart escort. Some of those other guys just don't even care about their own safety." All the while he was talking, he was preparing the heroin in a spoon to heat.

Greg watched him prepare the poison. He knew that is what it was but he also knew how it made him feel and how it took his pain away. Right now he didn't care, he just wanted to feel that high that he had been missing for the last 9 months.

"You get first honors, my friend. You deserve it." Shane handed Greg an alcohol swab first to use. Then he gave him a new syringe and tourniquet. He held the spoon for him. Greg took the syringe and looked at it a moment. He still had a chance to put it down and not do it. Instead he tied the tourniquet around his upper arm. He then took off the cover of the syringe and placed the needle in the heated liquid. He pulled back the plunger and watched the drug fill the syringe. He then turned up the syringe and tapped it to get the bubbles out like he had done a hundred times before. He started making a fist with his left hand to find the vein. He put the needle against his vein and started injecting the drug into his vein.

Almost immediately he started feeling that high he was yearning for. He finished the injection and placed the needle down and took off the tourniquet. He leaned his head back and just let it flow through his veins.

Shane smiled seeing his relaxed state and started preparing his own hit. Minutes later they were both relaxed and laughing about how they used to do this in the past.

"No sex though…it's bad enough I'm breaking one rule. I won't break the other," Greg said to Shane as the rich man started placing his hand under his shirt. Greg removed the offending hand from him. "You promised no sex needed," Greg reminded him. Shane pouted but held back. He hoped maybe one day he might get at least a blow job from him again.

"Free on the house tonight but if you need more, it will cost you. I can probably give you the name of my dealer too. But I know he gives me a good price for being a customer for so long, so I can always ask for more and then sell to you. Unless you rather go directly through the dealer," Shane said to him.

Greg flailed his hand at him. "Nah, if you are cool with getting it for me, I am willing to stop by and pick it up from you." Greg didn't even realize he was committing to keep on the heroin habit again. In his current state how could he not want to keep taking it again? He wondered why he ever stopped.

They ended up talking for another hour or so before the high was over and Greg realized the time. "Shit, I need to go home. I don't want to get home too late and Nick wonders where I have been."

"Sure I understand. You are lucky you got a good man there. I haven't been lucky enough to find one myself. I guess always getting prostitutes doesn't help matters," Shane said to him.

Greg felt guilt creep in talking about Nick and how lucky he had to have him. He might have just blown a chance at having much more of a future with him. If he found out he was taking heroin again he was not sure how he would react. He knew a person only got so many chances. He had to have used most of his by now. The thought sobered him up.

Shane handed him a tiny baggie of power and a syringe. "For your need in a few hours, remember to wait it out until your withdrawal symptoms are almost noticeable."

Greg took it and thanked him. "Call me ahead of time if you are stopping by tomorrow to make sure I am here. I've been working from home, well here as usual lately. I only make appearances in the office like twice a week now."

"Nice. Thanks for saving me from my panic and pain. I'll have money for you tomorrow. At least I am working a regular job." Shane walked him to the elevator and said goodbye.

Greg was still fairly relaxed but as he drove home he became more nervous. He put the drugs and syringe in the glove compartment of his car before he pulled into the garage. He pulled out the cigarettes he had in there and pocketed them instead. He might need a smoke or two later to fight the withdrawals off a little. He could better explain the smoking cigs to Nick than heroin that was for sure.

He looked at his arm and there was not an obvious needle mark so he lucked out there. He knew after continued use he would have to start wearing long sleeves to hide them. He looked at himself in the mirror of his sunshade to see if he looked wrong. He looked like any other day he came home from work.

With more confidence he got out of his car and unlocked the garage door. He walked in and saw Nick asleep on the couch. The guilty feeling crawled over him again as he looked at him. What had he done? It was too late now. He already knew he was going to need that next hit later on.

He decided to let him keep sleeping and decided to take his shower. He might wake him up once he was done to have him move into bed. The nice thing about heroin was there was no smell since you injected it. There really were not obvious signs until after frequent use; the track marks being number one. And as long as he watched his behavior and withdrawals he could probably get by pretty well without being found out.

He stepped out of the shower in his PJ bottoms and t-shirt and saw Nick still sleeping. He knelt down in front of him and just watched him breathe in and out. He was so lucky he survived that bullet. He knew that if he had not, he would have been back on the drugs much sooner. Deep down he knew it was only a matter of time before he turned back to drugs. He had been feeling the pull more and more over time. The Frankie situation put him over the edge. He still wondered what the deal was with him. He hoped he would give up on him and find a current guy who was a prostitute to turn his needs to.

"Hey, you're home. Why didn't you wake me up?" Nick had woken up and saw Greg sort of in a daze. "Oh, I thought I would wait until I was ready for bed to wake you. And then I just saw you sleeping so peacefully here I didn't want to disturb you."

"Well, I'm awake now. Let's go to bed." Nick said as he sat up and yawned. "Let's do that."


	10. Chapter 10

Greg didn't sleep as well as he had been and he knew that was due to the heroin, one of the side effects of the drug that he would have to get used to covering up with Nick around. He woke up early and stepped out of the bedroom. He was starting to feel a little edgy, so he grabbed his cigarettes from his jeans pocket and stepped outside on the porch. He sat down at the table outside and lit up a cigarette. He was thinking about how he can get a chance to take his next hit when he heard the sliding glass door open.

"Since when did you start smoking again?" was the first question to come out of Nick's mouth. He looked a bit perturbed. He sat down across from Greg who was stubbing out his cigarette.

"The night you were shot. I was a nervous wreck and I ended up walking across the street to the 7-11 and got a pack. I think this is the first time I have smoked at home. I have smoked some while at work," he shrugged.

"So that is why you take a shower right away when you get home. You didn't want me to smell it on you. Why are you smoking one this morning? What's going on?" Nick was curious why suddenly he felt a need to have one.

"I don't know, I just didn't sleep as well last night so I guess I was a little edgy when I woke up and felt the need for one. I promise not to make it a first thing in the morning ritual," Greg told him.

"Well I rather you not be smoking at all. I'm going to be okay. I got my doctor's appointment today to see if I get clearance to go back to work."

"Maybe that is what is making me nervous, knowing you might be going back to work soon and being in danger again," Greg said to him, realizing himself that it was partially true. It had been nice knowing he was safe at home the last two weeks. Now he was probably going back in a day or two and he would be worried about him again.

"You know there has always been that danger. We both encountered danger on the job. You still have the scars on your back from the lab explosion," Nick reminded him.

Greg subconsciously reached over his shoulder and felt them on his upper back. "Yeah I guess, but they have faded a lot over the years. You're bound to have a scar on your chest from the bullet wound as a reminder."

"Scars are a part of life, Greg. We all have them. Some more than others," Nick said quietly. Greg knew he wasn't just talking about physical scars now. There were those emotional ones too and Greg had plenty of them, although they were more so demons to him.

Nick could see he had put Greg in a sober mood. He really didn't want him that way. It seemed the last two weeks he rarely saw him looking happy. It worried him that he was feeling down.

"Is it really just me being shot that has put you in the mood you have been in lately? Is there something you are not telling me?" Greg looked at him and shook his head. He was so good at lying and Nick still half the time never caught on.

"No, there is nothing I am not telling you. I just worry about you."

"Yeah, well I worry about you too, so we make quiet the pair," Nick chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I guess we do." He was starting to feel the withdrawals come on more. He had to think of something in order to get a chance to be alone for a few minutes.

"Say how about some omelets for breakfast?" He asked. He got up and looked in the refrigerator. He remembered not having gone grocery shopping recently and using the last egg the other day. He turned back to Nick and frowned. "I forgot we need some groceries. Look I can make a quick run to the grocery store and grab a few things that we need and then make breakfast."

"You don't have to do that right now. I am sure we have something we can scrounge up for breakfast," Nick said to him.

"Hey, you need to eat a healthy breakfast. You are still recovering. I won't be too long. Just grabbing a few necessities, I mean we need stuff anyway at some point." Greg really hoped he would just let him go.

"Fine, Chef. You can run to the grocery store. It just better be a damn good omelet if you are making the trip for it," Nick smirked.

"It'll be one of the best you ever had. Let me go put on some regular clothes real quick and I will leave," Greg told him.

He got dressed quickly. He decided he would go to the store first and buy the stuff. Then he would find a good place to pull over before going home where he could quickly prepare the heroin. It's not like he hadn't done it before in his car. He used to shoot up at all sorts of places.

He had to wait a few minutes to ride off the high before heading home after shooting up. His trip took a little longer but he could say the store was busy or he had trouble finding what he wanted.

He walked in and Nick was busy reading the newspaper. "Anything interesting going on?" Greg asked him as he brought in the couple of grocery bags and started unloading them in the kitchen.

"Yeah apparently there is possibly a new serial killer out there," he said to Greg. He looked at him seriously. "I'm grateful you have a regular job now."

Greg finally looked over at him and noticed he looked concerned. "Why do you say that?" Nick looked back down at the newspaper article. "Two dead male prostitutes in two weeks, both were killed in a similar manner with the same word written in blood on the wall of the motel rooms. 'Whore'"

Greg felt a chill go down his back. "Really? Is there, uh, names published?"

Nick only now realized that Greg might have known them. "Yes, one was James Roberson and the other was Mike Homberg." Greg ran a hand through his hair. "Shit!" He suddenly had to sit down. He sat across the table from Nick. "Can I see that?" He asked, pointing to the newspaper.

Nick handed him the newspaper. As he started reading the article, he spoke. "I knew Mike. We both worked at Rocco's. Stabbed five times both of them, damn."

"Yeah and apparently beaten pretty good too prior to the stabbings. Apparently the guy cleans up the scene pretty good otherwise, not leaving any evidence behind that can identify him it says. I bet Jack has more details on it," Nick added. "Are you going to be okay?"

Greg tore his eyes from the newspaper and looked at him. "Yeah it's just freaky, you know?" Nick reached out his hand and took Greg's. "Yes I know."

"Damn, I kind of lost my appetite now," Greg frowned.

"Say if you don't want to cook, no worries. I can make something for myself." Greg looked up at him as he stood up from the table. "Thanks."

Greg was glad he took a hit not long ago. Hearing that news would have really worked him up, this way he was a little calmer because of the heroin running through his veins. He wondered if this guy doing these killings was on the books. Usually if a 'date' was set up by Rocco, was recorded in his files. Granted Rocco no longer ran the place but someone else took over as he knew it was still in business. It could be this guy was a past customer of them and knew how to contact them outside the books. Greg had a few like that. Shane had been one of them. Frankie on the other hand was always on the books, as he wouldn't be with him unless Rocco arranged it. It was five times too many anyways to be with him.

Nick noticed he seemed deep in thought. "Hey, you sure you don't want anything to eat?" Greg looked to see what he was making. He had some waffles that he had bought too. He was a little hungry. "Okay, give me what you are having."

They ended up eating in silence, because Nick figured if Greg wanted to talk he would when he was ready about the situation. He was right. After Greg finished his waffles he sat back and sighed.

"Mike and I once got totally trashed together. It's amazing I can still remember it, honestly. And when I say trashed, it was mostly alcohol. Anyway, we got to talking about our former lives. He had gone to medical school and shortly after getting a residency at a hospital, he was in a freak accident that permanently damaged his right hand. He wasn't able to hold his medical instruments properly. They dropped his residency after his injury and he couldn't find a job anymore. That also meant he couldn't pay his student loans anymore. He had constant pain in his hand too. He started on heroin the same way I did, with the pain killers. To pay for his habit and his bills, he started selling himself for sex."

"Anyway we kind of bonded that night after realizing we both had fairly successful lives until painkillers got the better of us. I really didn't see him much after that night and I'm not really sure why," he looked away, soberly.

"I'm sorry you lost someone you knew," Nick said, not really being sure it was the right thing to say but felt he had to say something.

"I lose a lot of people," he replied quietly, still looking away.

Nick stood up and went around the table and knelt down so he could be at eye level with him. He noticed his eyes seemed watery. "You have not lost me."

Greg started trembling. "What if I screw up so bad one day you don't want me anymore?"

"That's never going to happen, Babe," Nick promised him. But Greg snorted. "You say that now but you might feel differently in the moment."

"Have I not seen you at your worst already, pretty much?" Nick asked him. Greg thought about it a moment and figured he might be right but that was not the same as being clean as long as he was and then ruining his sobriety after he promised he would not.

"I guess but I don't know…things happen," Greg said as he wiped away a tear that fled from his eye. "Things do happen, but we get past them and move forward again." Nick wondered if it was his recent slip with the OxyContin that made him feel this way. He wasn't going to say anything about it though at this time. He knew it was probably just realizing that his former friend died doing a job he had done less than a year ago.

Nick got up and grabbed Greg's empty plate and then his. "Come on; let's not dwell on this all day. I have a doctor's appointment to get to and you have work later on."

Greg's eyes suddenly lit up. "Oh by the way, I am going in a little earlier tonight. The newer part time guy needed today off so I am covering his shift."

"Oh, okay. Then I guess you won't be going with me to the doctor," Nick pouted.

"I'm sorry. I completely forgot when I offered I could," Greg lied. He had no shift earlier. He figured he would go see Shane before work to get his Smack and shoot up before working his normal shift.

"It's okay. I can handle going myself. So I guess we should clean up the dishes here. We can then catch up on a couple of episodes of Game of Thrones before we both have to go," Nick said to him.

"Sounds good to me."

x

Greg was pulling into the parking garage at the Hilton. He had called Shane once he pulled out of the driveway from home to see if he was around so he could get some more Heroin from him. Shane told him he was and to come right over. He would meet him downstairs in the lobby again to bring him up to his penthouse since he needed the special key on the elevator to get to that floor.

They weren't alone in the elevator so they did not say anything until they got off on their floor. Shane opened the door to his room and let Greg go in ahead. "You must have heard the news. You look a little shaken up."

Greg nodded and sat down on the sectional sofa. "Yeah, Nick saw it in the newspaper and told me about it. When I saw Mike's name it kind of hit a chord with me, you know?"

Shane nodded his head. "Yeah, I knew him too. The other guy's name didn't sound familiar. It's scary thinking there is a serial killer out there. I bet you are glad you are not doing that anymore." Shane had sat down and was preparing a syringe for himself. He had handed Greg his own stash to make his own syringe worth.

"Yes, like I said, going back to this is bad enough. I will not go back to doing that, especially hearing about this now. It was dangerous before with wackos like Frankie who just liked to smack you around for the fun of it." Greg started heating up the plastic spoon. "I really knew I needed this before work today. I know some of my co-workers who know about my past will probably be asking if I knew them. It was hard enough talking to Nick about it, but he witnessed me in those days. These guys at work didn't."

"Well glad I could help you with your need. We can just sit back and try to relax a little before you have to leave for work," Shane told him. Greg nodded as he tied off the tourniquet on his arm. He prepared his needle and shot up. He leaned back once he finished and let the drug make him feel better at least for a little while during that initial rush.

After a few minutes he spoke to Shane. "You're a decent guy, Shane. I don't know why you have not found an actual boyfriend. Or do you just prefer not having a steady guy?"

Shane shrugged. "I don't know. I've had boyfriends but I always run into them being gold diggers in the long run. They really just want me because I am rich. The one guy I really cared about years ago died in a car wreck. Since then I have kind of been a loner overall. I guess knowing I am paying for the guy upfront makes me feel in more control."

Greg couldn't help but giggle. "In control…I think more people who solicit a prostitute are out for that. Controlling who they want, what they want, how much they will pay for what they want, and how and when they want it."

Shane couldn't help but agree with him. "I suppose you are right. I mean you should know, you were on the other side. If you and Nick weren't a couple, would you ever get a prostitute?"

"Hell no! Knowing what I know as being one and seeing half the others, no. I would probably just stay high a lot more often," Greg laughed.

"Different strokes for different folks," Shane smirked.

They ended up talking a bit longer before Greg realized he had to leave to be to work on time. He said his goodbye and took his stash for the next few days to get him by.

Nick got home from the doctor's office after getting his approval to go back to work and was about to call Jack when there was a knock at the door. He looked out and it was their new neighbor, Joe. He opened the door and greeted him. "Hey, how you doing?" Nick asked him.

"Um, okay. Look, I need to talk to you about something. Can I come in?" Joe seemed rather serious about something.

"Yeah, sure come on in." Nick walked with him into the living room and they both took a seat. "What's up?" Nick asked.

"Well, it's something I had to think about a while before deciding to tell you what I saw." Joe said mysteriously.

"Did you see a crime?" Nick asked, thinking maybe he was nervous about going to the regular police but since he knew one personally he would ask him.

"Um , not really. Shit, I'm just going to tell you. I've seen Greg two days in a row now meeting one of our VIP guests in the hotel and going up to his room," Joe said quickly.

Nick's face suddenly became dark. "What exactly are you implying?"

"Look, I know about Greg's past. I mean it was all over the news here. And yes, I know I only moved here but I was curious about my neighbors. I do that kind of thing. It was not hard to find information on the net about you two and especially his past."

"So it is in his past, what makes you think he is doing something wrong?" Even as Nick asked it, he knew something was wrong. Greg never mentioned going anywhere but to work and being at work the last couple of days.

"Well I happen to know this guy is a local rich playboy who is staying in our penthouse suite while his mansion is renovated. I've seen him bring, um, escorts up to his room before," Joe said nervously.

Nick had to take a slow, calming breath hearing this news suddenly. "What makes you think Greg is having sex with him? Maybe he just knows him from the Bar he works at and is being friendly with him."

"I mean, I guess that is possible, but when I saw Greg leave yesterday, he looked damn relaxed and happy. He never seems to look as happy when I see him here."

Nick ran his hand through his hair. "Do you have the name of this guy?"

Joe shook his head. "I can't just give you that information. We do have to protect our guests' rights."

"So you saw Greg but he didn't see you?" Nick asked again.

"I was behind the front desk working. They never stopped there. Plus I don't think he remembered I worked there. Otherwise I don't think he would have been so obvious."

Nick finally stood up and started pacing. "It has to be something else. I can't see him cheating on me." Then Nick stopped suddenly. Greg had mentioned to him in the past who some of his 'clients' were. He remembered him saying one of his favorite was some rich guy that was nothing like Will had been. He was trying to remember if he mentioned a name. One finally dawned on him.

"Is this guy's name Shane?" Joe didn't even need to answer; Nick saw it register in his eyes. He waved his hand to stop when Joe was about to deny knowing him. "Never mind. Look I need to process this alone and deal with Greg on my own. Thanks for letting me know."

Joe nodded soberly and knew it was time for him to leave.

Once Nick closed the door after he left, he grabbed a small metal vase that was on the table and threw it at the wall. "Damn it!"


	11. Chapter 11

Greg pulled into the garage and sat in his car for a few minutes. He was still riding a little bit of a high after shooting up down the road in an empty parking lot before coming home from work. He looked down at his arms. He had shot up today in the other one just to try to hide the marks but he knew he would have to start wearing long sleeves soon. Luckily it was fall and the weather was getting cooler.

He wondered if Nick would be awake. Then he remembered that Nick had seen the doctor earlier today and should know if he would be able to go back to work or not. There was a part of him hoping his doctor was going to delay his going back to work.

He entered the house through the garage door. He walked in and saw Nick on the couch, wide awake. He looked tense. "Uh, hey! What did the doctor say today about you going back to work?" Greg asked him, thinking maybe he was not happy with what he had been told.

Nick stared at Greg, almost trying to see if he could tell if he had cheated on him or not. "I can go back to work whenever I want to. I was given the clear." Nick decided to wait a couple minutes before tearing into him.

Greg hesitated, not sure why he seemed to tense. "I thought you wanted to be able to go back to work. You look rather angry about something. Is there something else wrong?" Greg asked.

"Yeah there is. What have you been doing the last couple of days visiting one of your old 'clients' at the Hilton?" Nick watched as the shock registered on his partners face.

Greg felt his chest tighten up. "Uh, what do you mean? I've only been going to work." He didn't know how Nick could have got this information.

"Did you forget that our neighbor, Joe, works there? He saw you and I am sure he could get security camera footage to prove it, but seeing your reaction on your face I think he was right. So I guess sex with me is not good enough anymore that you felt the need to go back to selling yourself to the highest bidder!" Nick seethed.

Greg felt nauseated. "No, it's not what you think! We aren't having sex. I am not cheating on you. I wouldn't do that to you. He's just being nice and wanted some time to talk. We used to do that before. He said I was always one of his favorites because he felt he could always just talk to me if nothing else."

"You expect me to believe that you two are just spending time in his room, talking. Fuck you Greg! I am not an idiot!" Nick yelled, finally standing up and approaching Greg. Greg started to back away until he hit the wall. Tears were springing to his eyes.

"I swear to you I have not cheated on you. Do you know how many times I've had old clients approach me for sex lately? I hate it and I tell them I am not into that life anymore. I even told Shane in the beginning but then he said there didn't have to be sex. He just wanted a friend, someone to talk to who is not interested in sex," Greg tried explaining to him.

"Then why not tell me in the beginning? Why hide it and let me find out this way? I don't believe you. There has to be something more to it." Nick turned to walk away from him when Greg grabbed his arm.

"Please Nick, I can't lose you. I swear I am not cheating on you!" He cried out. Nick looked at the offending hand holding his arm and something caught his eye. He reversed the hold and was now the one holding onto Greg's arm. He saw a needle mark and his face dropped. "Please tell me that's not a needle mark." He looked up and saw the fear is Greg's eyes. "You're not cheating; you're going to him for drugs! That's it isn't it? You got the taste for them again when you took the OxyContin. I know that half of those guys who pay for escorts are drug addicts themselves. And if he is rich, he can afford to get you some. So is this another Will type relationship?"

Greg's head was spinning. He didn't know how to answer because he was right on most of it but one thing. "NO! This is not like it was with Will. I am not having sex of any type. You can even ask him."

Nick's face just looked so sad now. "But you're not denying being back on drugs, so I am right. How long, how long have you been lying to me?"

Greg shook his head, tears flowing freely. "It's not even been a whole week, I swear. I can stop. I'll stop cold turkey, just please don't leave me!"

Nick let go of his arm and turned his back on him. He couldn't look at him knowing he had turned back to drugs again. Perhaps he was telling the truth and he had only just started again but he just couldn't even deal with him right now.

"Nick, please talk to me. I need to know what you are thinking," Greg sobbed out. He saw Nick shake his head. "How many times have I asked you to talk to me and you never do. Why should I talk to you now when you don't give me the same courtesy?"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please just tell me something," Greg begged as he felt his whole world falling apart. He knew this was his own fault, he just was sure he could get by this time without getting caught.

"I can't deal with you right now. I think you should leave," Nick sighed heavily.

"You are kicking me out?" Greg asked, fear clutching his heart.

"I just need time to think, alone and I can't do that with you here. So I am asking you to leave, just for now," Nick tried to clarify. He did need time to think if he wanted to try to work on getting Greg clean again or just give up on him entirely. He didn't think the latter was possible but right now he was so mad and disappointed at the same time, he just didn't want him there.

Greg sniffled. "Fine, I'll leave but I'll keep my cell phone on. Please give me another chance, please. I know I screwed up but after that beating it just really screwed with me."

"Just go, Greg." Nick said finally.

Greg resigned to Nick's request. He was at the garage door with it opened when he told Nick he loved him. He hoped to hear Nick say it back, but when he didn't he felt his heart shatter even more. He walked out the door and closed it behind him. Once in his car he just started driving, not really heading nowhere in particular. Tears blurred his vision a lot of the time. He thought about what Nick said, he was not completely cutting him out of his life, at least yet.

He pulled into a parking lot at the far end and realized he had driven to the Hilton. His first thought was wanting to find Joe and rip his head off but then he knew he was not the problem. He was his own worst enemy. He brought this pain upon himself.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and thought about calling Nick to say he was sorry again but it hadn't been that long. He instead called Shane to see if he was in his penthouse. He needed someone to talk to, even though he was probably one of the worst choices if Nick knew. Still he called him.

"Shane, are you in? I need to talk, please," he tried keeping the emotions out of his voice.

"Yeah, I thought you would be home now but I'll come down and get you." Greg was so grateful that he had someone who he could go to.

"What's going on Greg? You look like hell," Shane asked him as he entered his penthouse.

"Nick found out. He made me leave," was all he said before he broke down. Shane knew Greg loved Nick but he never realized just how much until now seeing him a wreck.

"How did he find out?" Greg ended up telling him everything he knew. He explained how he first thought they were having sex but then he discovered the needle mark in his arm.

"Do you think he really believed you weren't having sex with me?" Shane asked.

"I think he did but I'm not completely sure. I fucked up. Why did I start on the drugs again? I should know they only ruin my life. Why am I so drawn to them?" Greg buried his face in his hands.

"I can't help you there. You are talking to another addict. I can't give them up no matter how hard I have tried in the past. Now they are just a part of my daily life."

Greg made a sad chuckle sound. "I can't believe I ran to you when you are the one who got me on them again. It really shows how messed up I am."

Shane sat back and sighed. "Yeah and now I feel like shit for even giving them to you. I should have known better, knowing you had been clean for so long. I am just as guilty for fucking up your life."

"A pair we make, huh," Greg sighed. He had cried himself out. He was just feeling exhausted and terrible. "I probably really shouldn't stick around here. Not the best idea considering all that happened."

"Where are you going to go?" Shane asked him. Greg shrugged, "Probably find some hotel room for the night."

"I can get you one here," Shane offered. Greg put his hand up. "No, another bad idea. I can find someplace for a night or two. I don't know how long or if he decides he wants me to move out…" he shook his head. He couldn't think of life without Nick now. He really was his other drug. He needed him and if he kicked him out he was not sure what he would do.

"Just don't do anything stupid out there. He said he had to think about it. It doesn't mean he has cut you out of his life yet," Shane told him.

Greg nodded. "I know. I think that is the only thing getting me through this knowing he just said he needed time to think. I just pray he gives me another chance."

"So I don't expect to see you again, I gather unless things turn from bad to worse," Shane assumed.

"Yeah, I need to prove to him I can get off them again and I need to just keep to work and home life. No more messing around," Greg said to himself more than to Shane. He wasn't overly addicted again. He could still give up the heroin. He just needed to get rid of the stash he still had in his glove compartment. He would trash it once he got to his car.

They said their goodbyes and Greg did thank Shane for being there when he did need him.

Greg walked outside. It had started raining outside. He was mad he parked so far away now. He ran to his car and was pulling out his car keys from his pocket when they fell on the ground. He bent down to pick them up. He suddenly felt a sharp prick at his neck. "Don't move or I inject all of this and it kills you right away."

Greg recognized the voice and felt a chill down his spine. "Frankie, leave me alone." Even as he said it he started to feel a bit woozy. "What did you give me?" He asked.

"Enough Ketamine with a mix of your fave, Smack. You'll be putty in my hands in moments." Frankie lifted Greg up under his arms and walked him away from his car. He walked him towards a black SUV.

Greg couldn't form a thought anymore, he just knew he was being dragged away in the rain from his car to another vehicle. His world eventually turned black. Frankie caught him as almost slipped out of his grip. He got his back door open and pushed him into the backseat. He knew he gave him enough that he would be out long enough for what he needed him to be out for.

Once he was inside the backseat, he got behind the wheel and drove off, leaving Greg's car sitting in the Hilton parking lot, still locked. Frankie was happy; he finally had his main target. The others had just been ways to work out his aggressions. He looked in the rear view mirror at the man in his back seat passed out cold. He couldn't wait to teach him a lesson on who he really was.

After Greg left, Nick felt exhausted. He didn't know what to think anymore. Was Greg really telling him the truth? Even though he was on drugs again, had he been faithful to him? He wanted to believe him but he just couldn't be sure since he was on drugs again. He knew drugs made him do weird things. But then he said he had only been taking heroin for just a few days, he supposed that could be true. It was only a few days ago he caught him taking the OxyContin. More than likely he went out right after and started on the heroin. He just wanted to know why he couldn't come to him and talk to him or even see Dr. Fry instead of just turning to the drugs for comfort. That was perhaps the part that irritated him the most; he just never seemed to trust him enough to get help from him. And now he begged him to give him another chance and he wondered if he should since he never listened to his advice. Would he ever?

But then the other side of him feared what Greg would do to himself if Nick did kick him out of his life completely. He knew that his self-destructive habits started with the drugs. He knew that if he didn't take him back, he would increase the drug use, possibly overdosing and killing himself for sure next time. That could not be the reason he took him back though. It had to be more and deep down he knew he was not ready to give up on him. He didn't seem strung out at all when he had seen him the last few days. If he had not seen the needle mark on his arm he would not have noticed, but a bruise had formed and he could not help but see it. Basically though he was not that far gone on drugs, not like when he saw him again for the first time in forever. He was completely a messed up drug addict then. No, he still had time to be saved. He could give him another chance. But first he wanted to talk to this Shane and straighten out what happened between Greg and him.

Nick was exhausted though. He had not slept since the night before. He needed to get at least a cat nap in before confronting Shane.

x

Grogginess was the first thing that Greg felt as he started to come to. His head hurt and so did his arms. Why did his arms hurt, he wondered. He felt a little cold too. He slowly opened his eyes. He tried to move his hands and realized he couldn't. He opened his eyes and noticed he was on his stomach on a bed. Panic kicked in when he realized why he couldn't move his hands or his feet. He was bound, naked to a bed. He began to scream when a large figure stepped over to him and slapped him across the face.

"Shut up or I'll gladly put a gag ball in your mouth." Greg looked up and saw the hulking figure of Frankie standing over him.

"So this is what you do when someone tells you no, you kidnap them and tie them up and force yourself on them?" Greg yelled out, not caring if he gagged him.

Frankie knelt down and grabbed his face. "You whores think you are something special but you are not. You think that because you put a dollar amount on having sex with you that you are special but you're not. You're just a cheap whore. But you are the worst of them all. You think because you had your hero cop come save you from your life of drugs and prostitution that you are some big shot now. You are still a whore! I've seen you going to Shane Barnes hotel room to fuck him! But you turn me down all the fucking time. Well I'm going to teach you a lesson one that you will always be a whore and deserve to die as a used up one."

"You've been stalking me, haven't you?" Greg was trying to act brave but deep down he was scared as hell. He knew the kind of hurt Frankie had put on him in the past. He only wondered if he would survive it this time.

"Yeah, I've been watching you go from your sweet little home with your cop to some fancy hotel digs that fucking rich boy puts you up in. I am sure he fucked you on some silk sheets or shit like that. But your last fucks will be in this shitty motel room, where one day soon your boyfriend will see that you were a whore who died a whore," Frankie sneered at him before slapping his face and getting up.

Greg felt his head spinning again before he was able to focus and see Frankie unzipping his pants and crawling on the foot of the bed with him. He knew this was the beginning of his end. This guy was going to kill him and he would never know if Nick forgave him or not.


	12. Chapter 12

Nick talked to Joe beforehand about trying to get access to Shane Barnes penthouse or at least seeing if he could get the guy to talk to him. Joe told Nick to come to the hotel and he would try to get him access. Nick pulled into the Hilton parking lot and was looking for a parking space when he saw Greg's car. He found a spot near it and parked. He got out and pulled his hood over his head as it was still raining. He walked up to the car and tried the door, it was locked. He looked up at the hotel and wondered if he was with Shane at this time. He wondered if he ran into his bed after Nick made him leave. He shook his head, nauseated by the thought.

He went into the hotel and asked for Joe at the Front Desk. A clerk went back to get him. Joe came out dressed in a suit, looking like the manager he was. "I can get you up to the Penthouse floor. You are on your own from there," Joe told him. Nick nodded and thanked him.

As they rode up the elevator he prayed he would not find Greg in the mist of having sex with his guy. He knew if that was the case he would not give him another chance. It would be over. He could not put up with outright cheating.

Luckily there was only one suite on that penthouse level so Nick knew he had the right door to knock on. He knocked and waited for a response.

"I didn't order any room service," a voice yelled through the door. "I'm not with the hotel. We need to talk about someone we know in common." Nick said through the door.

Shane looked out the peephole and saw the man. He recognized him right away since his face had recently been in the newspaper due to his being shot. He silently cursed but decided to bite the bullet and opened the door.

Nick had never seen the man before and as he saw him he wondered why he would resort to using escorts. The guy was younger than he expected and definitely a good looking man. He would think a guy with his looks could get any guy he wanted. And yet he probably did, he just bought them for the night. "Come in," Shane said to him.

"You know who I am, don't you," Nick said as he walked into the lavish suite. Yes, the guy definitely had to have money to afford that suite. No wonder why Greg liked being with him. It made Nick feel like a useless penny compared to a gold bullion.

"You're face has been in the papers recently and well, Greg talks of you often," Shane admitted to him. "Would you like a drink?" he offered the Texan.

"No thanks." Shane nodded to him. "Alright, if you don't mind I will need one for myself as I have a feeling this will be an interesting conversation." He went to his wet bar and started pouring himself a whisky.

Nick was looking around. "I thought Greg might be here with you now. I saw his car in the parking lot."

Shane came back to the couch where Nick had taken a seat and sat down with his drink. "Um, no he left several hours ago. I don't know why his car would still be here, unless he ended up getting a room here. I know he said he was going to find a room for the night at least since he knew you didn't want him to be around."

"So he was here and talked to you then?" Nick asked him, now curious to Greg's current whereabouts.

"Yes, he came very upset and told me everything. I have to admit, you can pretty much blame me for hooking him back up with drugs," Shane told him.

Nick glared at him. "You do know you just confessed to a narcotics detective that you gave drugs to another man. I could arrest you."

Shane's eyes lit up. "Shit, so you came here just to bust me for giving some of my own personal stash to your boyfriend? Had I known I would have never let you in."

Nick shook his head though. "No, I'm not interested in busting you. He would have found someone else, I know that. He started with the OxyContin and I should have known better than to believe he was not going to go any further. He was in pain and I knew he would try to fix it in some way."

"He wouldn't have been in that pain if that asshole, Frankie hadn't kicked the shit out of his back," Shane muttered. Nick's eyes narrowed. "What did you say?" Shane looked at him. "Frankie beat him up. Frankie is another former client of his but he likes to cause pain but usually never resorted to that kind of violence. Not that I know of anyway."

"Greg told me he broke up some bar fight," Nick told him. "He fucking tells you the truth but not his own boyfriend. He really doesn't trust or care about me at all." Nick suddenly got up and started pacing the floor.

Shane felt he had to make him understand Greg's frame of mind. "Hey, look. He didn't want you to know that he has had a lot of his former clients coming onto him at the Golden Ram. He's been trying to tell them all he is out of the business. I accepted it. I just said I was willing to be a friend if he needed one. I've always liked him. When he wasn't too wasted, I knew he was smart. Not many are."

Nick looked at him, trying to read him. He seemed to be telling the truth and so far what he said about himself jived with what Greg said about him. "So what about this Frankie?"

"Frankie approached him a couple of times I guess, previously at the bar and Greg told him to basically fuck off. Then I guess that one night when Greg was leaving the bar, he was cracked over the head by a drunken Frankie. Then he started kicking him and it was Terry who found them and got Frankie to get off of Greg. Greg told him not to call the cops. He didn't want you to know. See Greg figured if you knew he was having these kinds of issues at work, you would want him to quit. It was hard enough for him to find a job as it was. He's just lucky he applied for a job at a place I have partial ownership in. He just doesn't know that." Shane said with a sly smile.

"You co-own the Golden Ram? You knew he was applying and made sure he got the job?" Nick asked, rather surprised.

"I was in the back office when Greg came in. I was about to walk out with Chad, the other owner when I saw Greg filling out an application. I pulled Chad back in and said I knew him and he was a good guy and quickly filled him in on what had happened to him. Chad kind of already knew from the papers. I mean unfortunately for Greg, Will trashed his name big time to the media. I know he turned his life around and I thought he deserved a chance."

Nick was pleasantly surprised by Shane Barnes. He was a pretty decent guy after all, just a guy who happened to pay for sex with his boyfriend in the past and do drugs with him now. "So you can't tell me you don't secretly wish he would dump me and go back to that life or perhaps be with you?"

Shane chuckled. "You're a cop alright. Yeah I admit, there is a part of me that wishes he would let you go and I would take him in. I know he would but that guy is so in love with you. He was a fucking mess I tell you when he came to see me. He said he wasn't going to see me anymore. He was going to stop cold turkey with the heroin and pray that you gave him another chance. So is that why you are here, to find him to give him another chance or did you expect to see him and me together? Because I can tell you, I wanted to touch him even and he pushed my hands away. He said he would not cheat on you. He knew doing drugs again was bad enough but cheating would be an end all."

Nick sat down on the couch again. Greg really did not cheat on him but he did lie to him about the beating. That still bothered him some, that trust issue he had. He didn't know where it stemmed from. He looked up at Shane, who looked more serious now. "I believe you. I can't believe I am saying that but I do. Now I just got to find Greg."

"Have you tried calling him?"

"Going to right now." Nick pulled out his cell phone and called Greg. His cell phone went directly to voice mail. He left a message for him to call him right away. "No answer. So you said he might be here?"

"I mean if his car is still here, I don't know why else it would be. I thought he told me he couldn't afford this place. I even offered to pay for a room for him but he declined saying it was better to stay in a place away from me. Maybe he changed his mind. It was raining pretty hard when he left," Shane surmised. "Say, how did you get up here anyway?"

Nick smirked. "I have my connections, which I need to put to use now." He stood up and was getting ready to leave. "Look I guess I should kind of thank you for at least being a friend when Greg needed one, even though he should have talked to me about it. But he doesn't have really any friends anymore, so I guess you aren't a horrible one, except for the drugs factor," he laughed.

Shane was glad he could laugh about it because he felt really weird about it now. "Yeah, well I figure I won't be seeing him anymore. Take good care of him, he needs it."

"I plan to."

Nick said goodbye and then headed downstairs to meet with Joe again. Joe led him into his office in the back. "So was Greg with him?"

"No, but do you know if he took a room here for the night? His car is still in the parking lot." Nick told him.

"Really? That is odd. I will check who is in house," Joe said. He got on his computer and punched in a few things. A minute later, "I don't see him listed at all. Unless he is staying with someone else."

Nick didn't think so though. Something in his gut was telling him that something was off about all of this. "Say, you all have surveillance cameras out in your parking lot, don't you?"

"Yeah, we do. I can take you to security. They can let you know if he went to his car and came back in." Joe took him down a back hallway and through another doorway. Inside was the security office with tons of video screens all over the wall of various parts of the hotel, casino and parking lot. He told his security officers what he was looking for.

"We have face recognition software, so if he is on the casino floor we will spot him there too," the captain of security told Nick.

"Can you go back a few hours in the parking lot video and see if you see him going to his car?" Nick told him where in the parking lot and approximately when he might have left, based on information Shane had told him.

"There he is. Wait back up," Nick said. He thought he saw another man. "Can you go back to where he walks up to his car?" Nick watched as Greg ran to his car and seemed to have dropped something, probably his keys. Suddenly another man ran up behind him and ducked down with him. When Greg came back up the other man had his arm around his neck and seemed to be holding something to his back. Nick felt his heart speed up in fear.

"Can you zoom in by any chance and see the hooded guy's face or what he is holding to Greg's neck?" They zoomed in as much as they could. The other man's face was mostly hidden by the hood but it looked like he was holding something smaller than a gun.

"Is that a syringe?" The security officer asked. Nick thought the same thing. "Keep the video playing at regular pace to see where he goes." Nick watched as the man seemingly helped Greg walk away from his car to a black SUV two cars over. He watched as Greg almost slipped from the man's grip before the big guy heaved his body into the back seat. Nick's blood went cold as he saw the man get behind the wheel and drive off with Greg.

"Can you see the license plate?" Nick asked impatiently. The security captain zoomed in but it was still kind of blurry. "Can't really make it out."

"Fuck! Wait, can I take this to our crime lab? They might be able to make it out better with our equipment," Nick asked him. Joe was still there and nodded the go ahead. He had seen the video and knew what happened was not right.

"Wait, before you do that, can you try taking a still frame of the hooded guy? I want to show it to someone and see if they might know who it is." The security captain nodded.

Within a few minutes Nick was knocking back on Shane Barnes door. "Shane, it's Nick again. I need your help with something real quick."

Shane opened the door and saw the expression on Nick's face was full of worry. "What wrong? Did you find Greg?"

"Yes and no. Look at this photo and tell me if you recognize this guy at all." Nick shoved the grainy photo of the hooded man in Shane's face. You could at least see the muscular, large body build and profile of the man's face.

Shane was looking at the photo and then realized Greg was the other person in the photo who the guy's arm around his neck. "Wait? Is that Greg?"

Nick nodded. "Yes and this guy appears to have drugged him and taken him somewhere."

Shane suddenly knew who he looked like. "Oh fuck…I think that is Frankie Delano, the guy that beat Greg up."

"Tell me everything you know about this guy," Nick demanded. Shane ran a hand through his hair in worry. He could have used a shot right now but he knew it would have to wait with this development.

"He's a sadist. He pays for a BJ and fuck but usually ends up getting out a whip or paddle and beating his escorts. One of the reasons most will never go with him again. I think Greg said the first time he was with him was nothing. I know he told me the second time was rougher and he had a few welts to show from his time with Frankie. By the fifth time Greg said he would ever be with him. Greg told me once he started getting out the whip and using it on his back, he pushed back and threw the money at him, saying he never signed up for that shit and walked out. Previously I guess he would smack him around or treat him roughly. He came to me with bruises. Lucky for him, Frankie had not bound him yet. Lots of times he bound his escorts and then whipped them but they could not free themselves," Shane told him.

"What is this guy's obsession suddenly with Greg?" Nick asked him.

"I have no clue. Maybe he is mad that he keeps denying him, even though he should realize Greg is out of the escort business and has been for months. I mean otherwise I have no clue."

"Do you know where he lives? What he does for a living? Anything that can help me find him?" Nick asked rapidly. "No, man, sorry I don't. I only saw him at Rocco's or other bars and clubs we frequented. Mostly it was word of mouth that I know of him. I like to talk to my guys. It's not always about the sex. Lots of them felt comfortable with me telling me about these other pricks that take advantage of them. Frankie's name seemed to come up the most. He was blacklisted at Rocco's eventually."

Nick pulled out his wallet and handed him a business card. "If you can think of anything, anything at all to help me find him, call me."

"Will do." Nick left him and took off down to his truck. He had to get to the Crime Lab and see what they found on this Frankie Delano. He tried calling Greg's cell phone again, hoping maybe it was all just some weird drug thing and not anything worse. It still goes to his voice mail.

The guy had no record but there were uniforms going to his house, but Nick had a feeling they would not find him home. He just wondered what this guy's intentions were for Greg and knowing his propensity for sadism scared him for Greg's sake. If only he knew his true intentions, he would have been rushing even more.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Caution: graphic**_

Greg was still groggy but not as bad anymore. He had screamed some when Frankie took a whip to his back a few times, so he now had a gag ball in his mouth to suppress his screams. He watched as Frankie sat at the table in the musty smelling motel room and snorted lines of coke.

He turned his head and looked at the ropes that bound his hands together at the center of the headboard. He had already pulled them tighter than they had been originally and now they began to cut into his wrists.

"You won't be able to free yourself. The other two had tried to get free too but they never made it. They should count themselves lucky, well if they were still alive. I took their lives rather quickly after the sex." Frankie said to him. He had apparently finished his lines of coke and was now facing the dresser, looking back at Greg through the mirror.

Greg noticed he was looking at him as if expecting him to ask why, but he very well could not with the gag ball in his mouth.

"Oh I can see the questioning in your eyes. You are wondering what I am talking about. I am talking about this!" He turned around had a hunting knife in his hand. He walked over to Greg and made like he was about to stab him but instead he stabbed the bed next to him. Greg's whole body shook with mostly fear but unfortunately some was withdrawals happening when he was already a mess.

Frankie laughed maliciously. "Ahh, yes the others were still whores but they were at least honest about it. They knew they were always going to be whores. They didn't try to play house with their cop boyfriend and make-believe they were no longer a whore, like you!"

Greg realized he was the serial killer and when it came down to it, he had been the main target all along. The others were practice for him. He was nauseated and wanted to throw up but could not with the gag in his mouth. He started squirming more to try to free himself when he felt his ankles grabbed roughly. "Stop moving around or I will kill you right now." Greg obeyed for now, but not really sure why since he knew no one would find him in time.

"Now I need to turn you over. I'm going to undo your ankle ties for a minute, if you try to kick me or anything to fight me, I will cut off your toes, one by one," Frankie sneered. Greg knew he had just snorted some coke, so anything he said he would probably make due on. He didn't fight when Frankie turned him over onto his back. It hurt some from the whipping he took but he had no idea what pain was about to happen to him.

Frankie tied his ankles back to the bed posts. He tested the tightness of the ropes. "Good, don't want you squirming too much for this key part of the plan. See this is the part where after I am done everyone will know you were a whore. It will be written all over you," he said with an evil grin.

Greg remembered his other victims being stabbed to death and the word 'Whore' written in blood on the wall. Was he going to stab him and then write the word 'whore' in his own blood on his own body?

Frankie got on the bed and kneeled next to him. He looked at the knife in his hand. "I suppose you are wondering where I am going to stab you first? You see, that's later with you. No, I am going to carve the word 'whore' into your chest so nobody mistakes you're dead body for someone who deserves pity."

When Greg heard him say carve into him, he started moving and fighting with everything he could to free himself or get away from the man.

"Tisk, tisk. If you keep moving so much it will only make it messy and I will have to start over again. So you are best off not trying to fight it. You won't win," Frankie told him as he placed the edge of the knife blade against his upper chest.

Greg realized he was right now. If he moved, it would only probably cut deeper. He tried begging him, even though it was muffled through the gag ball. Tears rolled down his face but he saw nothing but malice in the eyes of his murderer.

He looked down and screamed as the blade cut through his skin as it went down in a line on his chest. Frankie completed the first letter within a minute; W. The cut was not horribly deep but it was enough that Greg was in severe pain and blood dripped down his upper chest.

Frankie leaned back and looked at his work. "Not bad for the first letter." He glared down at Greg. "Are you ready for letter H?" Greg couldn't do anything but cry from pain and panic as the blade slit down again against his chest to slowly create the letter H.

"Now for the letter O." He looked at Greg with his eyes squeezed shut from the pain. "You know this is a reminder for you before you die; once a Whore, always a Whore," Frankie smiled to himself, so happy with his work.

Frankie continued the process but went slower with each cut, making the pain that more searing for Greg to endure. He would occasionally look back on his work and smile proudly before carving the next letter into his skin. He would keep saying "Once a whore, always a whore" over and over again to Greg as he cut into him.

By the time Frankie finished the last letter, Greg was virtually unresponsive. The pain was one thing but the emotional torture was another. He kept hearing the phrase "Once a whore, always a whore" repeated over and over in his head and it had become his mantra. But the pain and loss of blood eventually won out and he gave into the darkness again.

Frankie got off the bed and stepped back to look at his work. He was a little upset that he was bleeding so much that it made the word blurry looking but he knew when he was a body in the morgue, it would show up so clearly. He hoped his boyfriend cop would enjoy seeing his whore displayed so vividly so everyone knew. He also wanted to destroy the heart of the man who supposedly loved Greg. He couldn't understand how a cop could want a drug addicted, whore but he would make him wish he never had. Then an additional idea came to him. "Oh to make it even more perfect, I will carve Cop's above the word Whore and then it will read Cop's Whore." He laughed gleefully but decided since his victim was passed out it was time he rested his wrist so the carving would be perfect.

Nick looked at the clock and figured Greg had been gone over 24 hours now. He could be anywhere and he could be dead. He only prayed that this Frankie was just messing around with him and would let him go eventually.

"Nick, I got something!" Nick spun around and Archie was running into the lab with a laptop. He placed the laptop down on the table in front of them. "The car was not registered under his name but there is a cell phone under his name. There is a GPS tracking on it. His phone is still on. I've got a location on it. 2102 S Boulder Hwy, Henderson. It's the address for a Body Motel."

"Do you have a phone number?" Nick asked.

"I already tried calling the guy's cell phone, there is no answer," Archie told him.

Nick shook his head. "No, I figured you would have tried that already otherwise you would not have done the tracking on it. I mean the motel. I want to call to see if they recognize the name."

"Ahh, yeah I got the number here." Archie pointed out the number on the screen. Nick punched it into his cell phone and waited for an answer. He let it ring and ring and no one picked up.

"Damn it! No answer. Probably not a full service motel I am assuming, open 24 hours. Anyways, thanks Archie. I think this is our best lead."

Nick walked over to find his partner. Jack had been filled in on everything that had gone down. Jack had searched on the internet and found a better photo of Franklin Delano, as was his formal name. He had buzzed cut brown hair and hazel eyes from what they could tell in the photo. It was a photo taken for work since it was on a Linked In site. He ended up finding a lot more information once he dug. He was an accountant with a local firm. He made about $50,000 a year and owned his own home that he inherited from his parents after their death. He was an only child and unmarried. He was 6'2" and liked to work out. He had a membership at Gold's Gym.

"Hey Nick, any news?" Jack asked him as he saw him.

"Yeah we have a possible location of where he is now. It's a drive though so we need to get going. It's way out in Henderson, on South Boulder Highway. Some ratty motel by the sounds of it, probably similar to the places I found Greg in during his prostitution days. It would make sense for this Frankie to go to one if it was about sex," Nick said to him. He was trying to be calm but inside he was anything but. The longer he had not heard back from Greg, the more he worried. He was not sure what this guy was capable of.

"Yeah well before we leave, I did some more checking and talked to an informant who was brought in. He works at Rocco's just like Greg did. I happened to show him Frankie's picture and he knew him. He said he saw him with one of our serial killer victim a couple nights before he disappeared. He said he seemed angry when he left with Mike," Jack told him.

Nick felt distressed hearing this news. "Are you thinking he could be the serial killer?"

"I don't know for sure but you said Greg knew Mike, so there is a connection between victim and who has Greg right now." Jack hated giving him that information.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! If he has Greg, he could be dead already! We have to leave now!" Nick started towards the exit. Jack followed after him. "I'm right behind you. I'm going to radio for backup."

Jack ended up driving because Nick had too many nerves to drive carefully. Jack was able to keep a level head and get them there in one piece.

Nick had been extremely quiet on the drive there. "He's going to be alive when we find him," Jack said, trying to give positive thoughts. "I mean we aren't sure this guy is the serial killer. We still have no actual evidence to say he is."

Nick was looking out the window as dusk set in on the cloudy evening. "This guy has been stalking Greg by the sounds of it. He drugged him and kidnapped him to do what? Just have sex with him? It didn't make sense to me at first but now and knowing his past violent tendencies. He has escalated to murder and Greg is his next victim," he said woefully.

"Nick, come on. Stop thinking so negatively. That's not like you. You've got to hold out some hope he is still alive," Jack tried to make him believe.

"It's been 32 hours since the last time anyone has seen him, that is plenty of time for this nut job to do whatever he wants to him." Nick knew it was not like him to lose hope but he had a feeling he was going to lose Greg this time around. He sighed heavily as he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

X x x

Frankie waited long enough for Greg to wake up again but he had not. He had brought some smelling salts with him and decided it was time to try them out. He wanted Greg awake when he started carving the final word onto his chest. He placed the smelling salts under Greg's nostrils and watched him start to stir. He smiled down at him in glee when he saw him awake.

"Oh I am so happy you are back. I wanted you to know the final addition I was going to make for your Cop to see when he finds your dead body. But first, I want you to see my work so far."

Greg was barely conscious but understood what he was telling him. He was not through carving into his body. He purposely woke him up to only suffer more as he cut into him again.

He saw Frankie step away and then come back a few seconds later. He held up a mirror in front of him. "Now look at what a wonderful job I have done. No one will mistake the word Whore on the whore."

Greg wanted to vomit at the sight of the bloody carving going down his chest in an angled manor, so it spanned most of it. W started on his upper right, near his shoulder and E ended up right above his upper left pelvic region. He started sobbing. He just wanted it all to end at this point. He wanted his death to come but Frankie was not done. He saw the excited smile on his face as he saw his own breakdown.

Frankie put the mirror on the side table and grabbed his knife again. He had wiped it clean from before. "Now, I am going to carve it smaller, but I think I will put the word Cop's right across your upper chest here." He showed Greg by taking his finger and making the action of cutting it his chest. "So when all is done, it will say Cop's Whore."

Greg 's eyes opened wider when he realized Nick would see that on his dead body and know it was directed at him. He was even going to torment Nick with what he would have carved on his body.

Greg wanted to scream so badly, he wanted to curse the motherfucker out, he wanted to kill him himself but he had no power or ability to do any of it. He was still gagged and far too weak to hardly fight what was to come. If anything he could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

Frankie started singing his favorite homemade tune, using the phrase he had sang over and over again during his previous carving session. "Once a Whore, always a whore… just a cop's whore now." He laughed out loud at his new addition to new song. He gazed into Greg's frightened eyes one last time before he broke new skin with the knife. Greg felt it briefly before the new pain brought on darkness again.

X x x x

"This is taking too long. How much further?" Nick asked even as he looked at the GPS which told them they were about 2 minutes away.

"We are almost there Nick. We still don't know which room he is in or if he is even there. You have to calm down or if he isn't dead yet, you might end up making him dead," Jack told him.

Nick knew he was right. He had to calm down. It was not a sure thing that Greg was there with him or that Frankie was even there. He could have left his phone behind.

They pulled up in front of the very small motel. It looked to have only about 10 rooms, all outdoor entrances of course. It was dark by the time they parked. There were lights on in a couple windows only. They first went to the front desk area. They walked up to the door and saw it was locked; however there was a guy behind a counter reading a book. They knocked on the glass door and showed their badges. The guy quickly stood up and came to the door to unlock it.

"Uh, what can I do for you officers?" The balding man asked. Nick held out a picture of Frankie and one of Greg. "Have you seen either of these two men here?" Nick watched as the guy hesitated.

"Are they both bad guys?" Jack quickly shook his head. "No, but we believe one is possibly responsible for a few crimes and the other one might be with him."

"Well I sold a room to this guy yesterday. He's told me he didn't want any disruptions until he checked out in a couple days. I told him not to worry as we only have weekly housekeeping or clean when someone checks out. This ain't no MGM Grand, you know," the motel owner laughed. He noticed the two cops were looking impatient.

"What room is he in?" Nick asked with edginess in his voice.

"105, down at the end. He said he wanted a room furthest away from the road and desk area."

"Do you have an extra key to the room?" Nick asked him urgently. "Uh, yeah but I can't just go giving it to you. I mean the guy has some rights, I believe."

"Well, I am sure you have a few health and building code violations at this dump that I can have county inspectors take a look at and shut you down too. How about that?" Nick seethed with no remorse.

"Uh, well I mean I guess I didn't see you guys take the keys. I mean they are right over there behind the desk. I guess if I walked away to use the bathroom or something without locking them up in the cabinet I can't be held responsible for what you do," said the push over of a motel owner. He walked away through a door in the back of the office area.

Nick ran around the desk and saw a cabinet that was unlocked with a few keys in it. He found one that had 105 carved into it and grabbed it. "Let's go," he said to Jack.

Jack grabbed his arm. "Hold on! Are you just going to unlock the door and enter?"

Nick pulled his arm out of his grip. "What if your sister had possibly been kidnapped by some serial killer and you know where the killer was? Would you give them the chance to know you are there and finish them off or run off?" Nick said to him with an accusing glare.

"Fine, fine. But let's just go first and see."

They walked down to the last door. Their backup was 5 minutes off. Nick could not wait. He was not expecting a shoot out anyway. This guy seemed to be a knife guy, so probably didn't have a gun on him. There was a dim light on through the drawn curtains, so it seemed to be occupied. He could hear some music playing inside. That would help muffle any sounds they made outside.

Nick quietly tried the handle first and it was locked. He nodded to Jack who gave him the go ahead in return. Jack had his gun ready, as did Nick when he placed the key in the door with his right hand. He slowly turned it and heard it click.

Inside the man heard the noise at the door. He was sitting at the table, snorting some coke at the time. He grabbed his knife and went over to the bed and looked down. "If I am going down, you are most definitely going down with me if you aren't already there." He held the knife ready to thrust into the body below him.


	14. Chapter 14

Nick threw open the door and saw the large, half naked man thrust a knife into a body he leaned over. "Stop or I'll shoot!" Nick yelled out. When he saw the man about to take another stab at the body below him, Nick and Jack both fired upon him. His hand fell open and the knife dropped to the brown carpet, blood covering it. The man slowly turned around before falling over, crashing on to the floor next to the bed.

That was when Nick saw the body and all the blood, his worst fears coming true as he ran over to the naked man covered in blood. "Greg, oh Jesus, no!" He quickly went to feel for his pulse at his neck when he saw that he was breathing.

He pulled the gag ball out of his mouth. He looked his body over and just saw blood streaked all over it with one major stab wound in his stomach area. "We need an ambulance now, Jack, Now!" He yelled out.

His partner was checking to see if Frankie Delano had a pulse. He was dead. He looked up and saw the blood all over Greg's body. He called for help as he ran to the bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels. He came back and held them against the major stab wound in Greg's chest. He looked around the room. It was hard to believe anyone ever actually rented these rooms out. It was disgusting. He noticed the table and saw some powder on it. "Looks like there are some drugs, probably Coke, over on the table there."

Nick looked over briefly to where Jack was talking. He looked at Greg's arms to see if there were new bruises or needle marks. He didn't see any but it didn't mean there weren't any drugs in his system.

Nick took out his knife and cut the rope that bound Greg's hands to the headboard. His wrists were raw from the rope he had to have been struggling against.

Jack cut the ropes that were around his ankles. He got a better look at his partner's boyfriend and realized with horror what the blood was actually from. "Nick, I know why he is so cut up," he said cryptically. Nick looked up at him standing at the foot of the bed. "Yeah because Frankie is a sick sadist."

Jack took a deep breath before telling him what he saw. "Nick, he cut words into Greg's chest." Nick's eyes opened wider and looked more closely at his boyfriend's cut up body. He stood up slightly to get a better look. He felt weak suddenly seeing what was written in Greg's own skin and blood on his chest.

"Oh God! Oh my God!" He suddenly felt nauseated and had to run to the bathroom to throw up. All he could picture was what he saw cut into Greg, _Cop's Whore_. It was aimed at him but taken out on Greg. Greg…the pain he had to suffer from that and the horror if he knew what was being done to him. At this time he was not sure if Greg was conscious during it or not but knowing Frankie was a sadist, he assumed Greg was conscious for it.

He looked up in the mirror and again thought of what was basically carved into Greg's body. He closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths to gather his wits. Greg was still alive, he had him still. He had to go out there and be there for him just in case he did wake up. He had to let him know he was going to be okay but he knew that would not be true. He knew that even if he did recover from the wounds, the damage was done if he was awake during all of that. Hell, he somehow prayed that he was in a drugged out haze and didn't know what was going on.

He went back into the room and saw Jack watching him as he was holding pressure against the larger bleeding wound on Greg. "I told them the extent of the injuries when you were away. The ambulance should be here any minute," Jack told him.

Nick nodded and went back to Greg. He noticed that Jack had also pulled up a blanket to cover the bottom half of his body to give him a little dignity. Nick refused to cry but it was getting harder at seeing Greg in the condition he was in. He now noticed his face was bruised and upper lip cut. He didn't even have a chance to see the welts on his back yet.

He looked at the bedding and noticed it was red from all his blood. "He's lost a lot of blood." His voice came out shaky. Jack looked at Nick now and could see he was barely holding on to his emotions. He couldn't blame him. He had grown to accept Greg but still had his doubts about him but he had tried to change his life around. He knew this was horrendous what was done to him.

"I can hear the sirens now. They'll be here any moment," Jack said as he heard them in the distance. Nick just nodded his head and gazed down at Greg's face. He really prayed that he was not awake for what was done to him.

The paramedics came in with a few additional officers. Nick and Jack's Captain came in and Jack went over to him right away while Nick talked to the paramedics about Greg's medical history as they worked on stopping his bleeding.

"Jack, is it as bad as it looks?" His Captain asked, seeing the blood all around. Jack shook his head. "No, it's worse." Jack filled in their Captain on the details. The Captain looked at Nick as he followed the paramedics out with Greg on the stretcher. He knew Nick since he was a CSI. He also knew Greg when he was a CSI. He couldn't believe the bad luck that seemed to follow those two. He did wonder if either one would get through this without no ill effects. He didn't think so.

Nick was going to ride in the ambulance with them to the hospital. He didn't want to leave Greg's side if he could help it. He heard the paramedics calling ahead to the hospital to advise them of the need for B negative blood, which Nick had told them was Greg's blood type. He looked down at Greg's pale face, which now was partially covered with an oxygen mask. They said the stab wound looked to be close to his lungs but seeing as his breathing was fairly unlabored, Frankie must have missed it. Still he had lost a lot of blood and they weren't sure if the knife had hit any other organs.

As he looked down on Greg, whose chest was mostly covered in gauze now, he thought about what he saw and what it said. Frankie obviously knew about their relationship and perhaps that was part of his anger. He almost wished they had not shot Frankie dead. He would have loved to torture him like he tortured Greg. He hoped so much that Greg was not conscious for most of the cutting into his skin because he didn't want to think about what effect that would have on him.

When they arrived at the ER, the medical team took him in immediately. Nick had to sit outside and wait. He realized Greg was probably already an emotion wreck when Frankie took him. He had to have been wondering if Nick would take him back and if he was going cold turkey off heroin, it would have made him a mess. Then this guy grabs him. He wondered if Greg knew that he was the serial killer. If he knew, he would have assumed he was going to be killed. "Oh jeez," Nick moaned aloud as he buried his hands in his face. He just prayed Greg lived and he would do whatever necessary to help him heal. He just didn't know what kind of real damage was done to his already fragile emotions.

Nick didn't know how long he had been sitting there waiting, the worst thoughts going through his head when he heard his name called. He looked up and saw it was Jack. Jack sat down next to him. "Hey buddy, have you heard any news on his condition?"

Nick shook his head. "No, the paramedics actually warned me it might be a while due to all the cuts. The doctors might do stitches or if they are worse, they would possibly have to do skin grafts."

"I would think skin grafts might be better to cover the cuts permanently and not leave that scarred onto him," Jack said to him. Nick had not even really thought of that, that the words could become scars on his body, something he would always see. Nick rubbed his hands over his face. "This is worse than any nightmare."

Jack placed his hand on Nick's shoulder for some kind of comfort. He didn't know what to say because he felt the same way. He knew if Greg had problems before, they would be multiplied ten times worse now.

A couple hours passed by before a doctor in scrubs came out looking for Nick. Nick stood up when he called his name. The doctor looked weary. "Mr. Stokes, I'm Dr. Williams. Mr. Sanders will be moved to a room in ICU soon. He lost a lot of blood and it took a long time to close up the lacerations to his chest. Some were deeper than others and required a little more work. I am sure in the future he might be interested in getting some skin grafts for some of those other ones. Luckily the major wound didn't hit a major organ, but it was deep. It took some time to stop the bleeding. We also saw some lesser lacerations on his back, but none of those required stitches."

"Was there anything else you noticed, I mean obvious signs of sexual assault," Nick asked even though he knew there had to have been seeing Frankie and Greg's history.

"Yes, there were indications of rough sex and a swollen throat. His toxicology results will be in soon to see what drugs might have been in his system still since you advised he was using heroin. I need to check in on other patients now. I have notified his Psychiatrist, Dr. Keyes about what happened. He will be coming by. He anticipates he will be needed once Greg wakes up."

"Thank you, Dr. Williams. I believe he will need Dr. Keyes too." The doctor advised Nick that a nurse would be by to notify him of what room Greg is in once he was able to have visitors. Nick sat back down, feeling a little better knowing Greg was going to live. Jack had to leave an hour earlier to file the report at the police station on their behalf. Nick knew he would have to give his statement too since there was an officer involved shooting but his Captain said it was not an urgent matter.

Jack had told him that when the CSI's searched Franklin Delano's SUV, they found blood in the back. They were sending samples to the lab to see if it was Greg's or one of the other victims. The knife was also being compared to the wounds made in the others. Nothing solidly connected the crimes yet, but they were pretty sure once the tests came back it would be confirmed that he killed the other two male prostitutes.

It was about 45 minutes later when a nurse saved Nick from going crazy and told him he could go see Greg now. He went to the room on the 4th floor and walked in. He looked better than he had back in the motel room. He had a little color in his face again, probably due to the blood transfusions. He was under the sheets and blanket and looked peaceful. Nick prayed he was at peace for a little while. He knew once he woke up that things might be very different. Actually he had no idea what to expect when Greg woke up. Would he even remember what happened to him? He kind of prayed he wouldn't but he knew there were no head injuries to cause memory loss.

He took the chair by the bed and pulled it up closer. He looked at his hand and saw that they had wrapped a bandage around his wrist that had bad rope burns on it from his struggles. Just seeing that made him realize he had to be fooling himself if he thought that Greg wasn't conscious during most of the hell he went through. Even his ankles had been chaffed from the ropes he remembered seeing. He looked at Greg's face and saw the bruised cheek and cut lip. The worst of the damage was hidden under sheets, hospital gown and bandages. He could see it again in his mind, the words 'Cop's Whore' cut into Greg's chest surrounded by blood.

He'd been holding it in but could not hold it in anymore. He cupped his hand over his mouth and started crying. Suddenly it just all came out and he couldn't stop. He was grateful Greg was still out of it. He didn't want him to see him such a wreck over him. He knew that Greg would read it wrong, somehow.

It was a few minutes before he gathered himself together again. Just in case Greg woke up soon, he didn't want him to see he had been crying. He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. The exhaustion from the last two days was finally taking its toll on him. He ended up falling asleep even though he didn't intend to.

x

Consciousness began to come to Greg. He slowly opened his eyes. He had no real thoughts in his mind except waking up. He looked straight ahead and saw a wall with a small TV up on it. He heard some beeping. He tried to move and that was his first sign that something was wrong. His whole body felt sore. He looked to his side and saw the sleeping man. Nick was there. His mind was foggy. He lifted his hand and saw a bandage around his wrist. Something started to flicker a panic in the back of his mind. He looked down at himself in the bed. He was all covered up but he could feel a dull pain all over his chest with each breath he took. With a rush all the memories came back to him. "Once a whore, always a whore," the chant repeating in his head. He looked over at Nick, his cop; _Cop's Whore_. He looked around wildly. _Was Frankie around to do more cutting?_ He was finding it hard to breathe and put his right hand to his chest as it felt like it was on fire.

Nick heard some noise and woke up. His eyes opened wide when he realized Greg was awake and seemed to be freaking out. He leaned closer to him. "Greg, you're safe. Frankie's dead. He can't hurt you anymore," he tried telling his panicked boyfriend. It was not working though. Greg only seemed to get more worked up as Nick moved to touch him. Greg tried to move away from him.

A nurse came running in. "Mr. Sanders, what's going on?" She came over to him and asked Nick to back away a moment. She looked at the patient. "You are having a panic attack Mr. Sanders. I need you to try to calm down. You are safe here in the hospital. Nothing can happen to you here." Greg didn't really hear her though. All that kept playing in his mind is the gleeful voice of Frankie and his chant as though he was right there again cutting him.

Nick looked on, feeling completely helpless once again. First was in that dingy motel room and now in the sterile hospital room. He couldn't do anything to help Greg. If anything he seemed to make him worse when he got close to him.

A man in a doctor's coat walked in the room. Nick recognized him immediately and hoped he could help Greg. He went over to the nurse and put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm glad I got here when I did," he said at first. He looked down at his patient who was looking back at him. "Greg, I think you know who I am. You need to try to calm down. We are here to help you. No one wants to hurt you here."

Greg stared up at the doctor. He did know his face and he knew he helped him before. Tears started to come to his eyes as he tried to calm down. Dr. Keyes could see he was starting to breathe more normally. He asked the nurse to leave them. He knew Nick was standing off in the corner of the room still and motioned for him to stay there while he tried to talk to Greg.

Greg was quietly sobbing, avoiding eye contact with either man in the room. Dr. Keyes took another moment before talking to him. "Greg, do you know what got you so upset?"

Greg was mumbling something as he looked off at nothing in particular. "What's he saying?" Nick asked Dr. Keyes. Dr. Keyes told him to be quiet as he leaned down closer to hear what Greg was saying. After listening for a few seconds and realizing Greg was in his own little world now, he stepped aside with Nick.

"What did he say?" Nick asked worriedly when he saw the grim look on Dr. Keyes face. The doctor sighed heavily. He had been filled in on all of what had happened and what was done to Greg.

"He keeps repeating the same phrase over and over again, 'Once a Whore, always a whore.' I'm going to step out and get some medication for him. I'm going to try to help him, Nick. I promise," he said when he saw Nick's face turn dreadful.

"No, no he's not. You're not Greg. You're not!" he said louder. Dr. Keyes stopped Nick from going closer to Greg. "Look, he's in his own world right now. I can see it in his eyes. I'm going to get him a sedative to sleep some and then try some new stronger anti-depressants for him. Just because he is like this now doesn't mean he will be this way later on. He just woke up after the traumatic events he went through. It's going to take some time. Just don't force anything from him. It might drive him to shut down more."

Nick looked lost. "Are you saying I shouldn't go near him?" Dr. Keyes shook his head. "No, just be there for him. Just let him know you are there, no questions." Nick nodded that he understood. Dr. Keyes could see Nick was a wreck too. "I'll help both of your through this."

"Thanks," Nick said to him before he left him alone in the room with Greg. He walked over and slowly sat down in the chair. Greg eyes were fixed on something he was not sure of. As he looked closer, he felt a chill at how empty those usually so expressive eyes were. He also heard the almost whisper of the chant that broke his heart.

"I'm here Greg. I'm not leaving you. You're not a whore, you're not a whore," he told him as tears fell from his own eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

He woke up with a start. He looked around his room and no one was there. He felt on edge but not the same as before. He didn't remember what happened after he woke up before. He just knew that he had remembered being in the hospital and seeing Nick. Where was Nick now? Then it came to him again, what was carved into his chest. Nick probably left him due to that, knowing it was true. He wished he had died in that horrible motel room. He wished Frankie hadn't taken so much time in trying to kill him and then perhaps he would have gotten his wish.

He moved to try to get up and didn't realize now much he still hurt and was weak. _Everyone will know you were a Whore when they see your dead body carved with the word._ He remembered Frankie telling him this. The only problem was he was not dead and everyone still would know. _Cop's Whore_ , he barely remembered the final addition as the pain had overcome him. But he couldn't forget the chant, the chant that drilled itself into his head. _Once a Whore, always a Whore._ It repeated in his head again, becoming his sole focus.

"Greg? Greg!" He turned his head startled at his name being called. It was his Psychiatrist, Dr. Keyes. His face seemed concerned.

"Greg, you can hear me?" asked the doctor as he came closer to the bed. Greg looked at him and nodded his head.

Dr. Keyes smiled. "That's good. Are you cold? You are shaking some." Greg hadn't even noticed he was shaking but he was not cold. He shook his head. Dr. Keyes took a seat. "So you are not cold?" Greg shook his head again.

Dr. Keyes noticed he was making no effort to talk. "Is there a reason you can't speak to me, Greg?" Greg glanced at his doctor and then out the window. "Jaw hurts," was all he said. He was embarrassed to say more since his jaw was mostly hurting due to having the gag ball in his mouth for so long.

"Okay I'll try to keep the questions easy. Do you remember everything that happened?"

Greg kept his gaze towards the window, which was small but he could see it was a sunny day out. He nodded his head in response. Dr. Keyes was pleased that the pills seemed to be helping him stay a bit calmer this time around, knowing he remembered everything and had not freaked out again.

"You know the cops are going to want to talk to you about what happened; ask questions," Dr. Keyes informed him. Greg looked at him and shook his head. "No, no cops…none," he said while showing some angst.

"Not even Nick?" Dr. Keyes wondered. One thing he knew that Greg had not noticed was that Nick was standing outside the door, listening in. He had stopped Nick from going in before him and told him to let him talk to him alone. He said he would tell him to come in if he felt Greg was ready.

Greg shook his head vigorously this time. "NO! Definitely not Nick," he said, sounding more upset with each word.

"Okay, but is it because of what was cut into you; what it said?"

Tears started to fall, so Greg closed his eyes. He nodded. "I'm a whore," he said through sobs. Dr. Keyes saw Nick outside make a move to come in and he quickly shook his head for him to stay away.

Nick wanted so badly to tell Greg he wasn't, that he didn't think that of him. He just wanted him to know that he loved him and he did nothing wrong. It killed him to hear him say it with such agony.

"You're not. I happen to know that Nick does not think you are one. He loves you and wants you to be well. What you did in your past he forgave you for months ago. Don't you remember? You didn't deserve what happened to you." Dr. Keyes remembered the sessions he had with Greg back in the emotional health facility, trying to get him to move on with his past and start anew.

"I lied to him," Greg sobbed out.

"What did you lie to him about?" the doctor asked, curious to what he was referring to.

"I didn't tell him about Frankie. I didn't tell him about Shane. I didn't tell him about being on drugs again. I am a lying whore. Frankie was right; once a whore, always a whore," he cried out in torment. He covered his face with his hands, not wanting want anyone to see how disgusting he was.

Dr. Keyes glanced at Nick, who stood outside with tears in his eyes. He knew he wanted to come in so badly but he might make Greg close himself off completely again if he did.

"Frankie was a horrible, miserable man. What he did to you in that motel room does not make you a whore. He took you against your will and tortured you. He wanted you to suffer. He wanted you to feel more miserable than he did." Dr. Keyes wasn't sure he would get through to him this early on but he had to try to start somewhere.

"He was going to kill me. I wish he had," Greg said quietly as he pulled his hands away from his face and looked at the doctor with a broken look.

That is what Dr. Keyes was afraid of, saying what he just had. That he wished he was dead. Greg had been suicidal before and he had no doubts these events would make him that way again. "Do you want to kill yourself?" he asked bluntly.

Greg kept his gaze on him. He didn't answer. The doctor knew anyway.

"You know I'll have to put you under a suicide watch," Dr. Keyes told him. Greg didn't seem to care anymore. He shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I can hardly move without pain right now anyway, so not much I could do here." Greg looked away and out the window again. He didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted the man to leave.

Dr. Keyes could read his patient well. He stood up and pulled a needle out of his coat pocket. "I'm going to give you a sedative to help you sleep some. We will talk more later on."

Greg didn't even care when he stuck him with the needle. He had tuned out the world around him. He decided he shouldn't have said anything about wanting to die but he was too emotional at the time.

Dr. Keyes walked out to see Nick sitting on a bench outside with his hands covering his face. He had been through a lot in the past few months living with Greg and he knew this had to top all of it. He knew that Nick felt guilty about what happened to Greg. They had not talked much about it but he knew.

He sat down next to Nick. Nick looked up at him. He looked almost as miserable as Greg did. "He thinks I think he deserved this. I have to be able to tell him that he is wrong," Nick said to him woefully.

"He doesn't think that, Nick. He's confused because of what was done to him and said to him but deep down I think he knows the truth. It's just going to be hard to get to that part of him. All he sees right now is everything on the surface, especially those cuts. Those will be the hardest to try to get him to look past."

"I just want to see him, talk to him," Nick sighed heavily. "You will get your chance, just be patient." He heard the doctor but it was hard to be.

"It's not your fault either, Nick. You are not responsible for what that man did to him. I know you are blaming yourself," Dr. Keyes finally said to him after a few moments of silence. He knew it was what he was thinking.

"If I had never made him leave, he would not have been where he was to get taken by him," Nick said to him.

"That maybe but if Frankie was determined to get Greg at some point, he would have. You already know he had approached him at work a few times. He could have just as easily grabbed him after work."

Nick knew he was right. Frankie had him as his main target and he would have found some way to capture him. He wished he could get more details from Greg on Frankie and their previous encounters that he failed to tell him about.

"Look Nick, try to go home and get some sleep. You can't do anything for now. Maybe later on Greg will be open to seeing you. You want to be there for him 100%, don't you?" Nick nodded that he did. "Then get some rest and come back so you can help him."

Nick didn't want to leave but he knew the doctor was correct. He had been up for countless hours and was ready to collapse.

"You'll take good care of him?" He asked for reassurance from Dr. Keyes.

"Yes, I will. You just take care of yourself," the doctor said as he patted Nick on the back as they both stood up. He took two pills out of his pocket. "These will help you sleep better, take them." Nick nodded before saying goodbye and heading home.

Once he was home, he looked around his house and walked over to the bookshelf. He picked up a photo of him and Greg that they took on their time in California, after he had been released from The Desert Emotional Health Center. They were standing on the beach together with the sunset behind them. Greg looked so happy and well in that photo. Life had been good the first couple of months after his release from there. Then things started to turn some, him becoming a little more depressed after looking for jobs and having no luck. Even though he had a job, recently he still seemed kind of unhappy. He was obviously unhappier than he admitted if he had turned to drugs again, but he remembered Shane mentioning Frankie causing Greg some stress. Frankie really was to blame for that probably but Nick should have paid better attention to his boyfriend, the man he loved. Then none of this would have happened to Greg. He had failed him.

He sighed and looked at the two pills the doctor gave him. He figured he would never sleep without some help so he grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took the pills.

Several hours later Nick had woken up feeling fairly refreshed. He took a shower and ate something before heading to the hospital. He was going to try to see if Greg would talk to him today. He was determined to get through to him.

Greg was not having a good morning. He had to have his bandages changed. It was his first time seeing the damage done to him after his ordeal. It was also rather painful. Dr. Keyes had given him a sedative to calm him down before as he started showing signs of a panic attack.

When Greg saw the stitches over some of the cuts, he could still see the words. He would always see the words, even if the future skin grafts covered them. He would always know what was done to him and those words would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He was very quiet when they finished. Dr. Keyes tried to talk to him but he was not in the mood to talk. Dr. Keyes said he would try again later in the day. He figured he was dealing with some pain.

Greg laid in silence in his room. His mind was thinking back on that motel room and what happened. He was startled when he heard the door open. He saw Nick walk in. He felt mixed emotions when he walked in the door.

"I told them I didn't want to see you," he said to Nick. Nick came over and sat down. He didn't care. He wanted to talk to him and see why he didn't want to see him.

"So I have heard. I want to know why you don't want to see me. Do you think I can't handle what happened to you? Do you think I don't still care for you? Well I do," Nick told him. He noticed Greg started glaring at him.

"You put me here. It's your fault," Greg seethed. Nick was taken back a little by what he said. "Was it because I kicked you out after I found out you were on drugs again?"

Greg shook his head. Nick just didn't get it. "You saved me. You saved me again when I didn't want to be saved!" Nick's mouth was agape. It was not what he was expecting at all. "I don't understand."

Greg's anger turned to weariness. "I was waiting for him to finish me off. I never wanted to live after what he did to me, that's what I mean. I wanted to die but you had to come in again and save me. Stop saving me, just stop. I don't want you here because you remind me that I have to somehow live with myself now and it is your fault."

If Nick felt good before he didn't anymore. Greg would rather be dead. He didn't want him around because he saved his life. He never dreamed that was the reason. He didn't know how to respond.

Greg saw Nick at a loss for words. "Now you should probably leave," he said quietly before turning his head away from him.

Nick had to think of something to say. Then he remembered what he overheard Greg say previously with Dr. Keyes. He needed to get him to talk to him. "You're not a whore, Greg. You are definitely not my whore. My love for you is real and I know yours for me is also."

"You're wrong. There were times I just was there to please you. I was nothing more than a whore; a cop's whore," Greg said timidly.

Nick saw the cycle beginning again. He worried Greg might go back into some zoned out state. "Talk to me, tell me how he grabbed you. I know you didn't go willingly. I saw the security footage."

Greg turned and looked at him, questioning. "There was security footage, where?"

"The Hilton had some in their parking lot. Joe helped us see it. I also knew you were there because I had talked to Shane," Nick told him. He noticed changing the subject some seemed to gain his interest.

"You talked to Shane? What did you do to him?" Greg asked. He figured Nick probably would have loved to beat him up for getting him on drugs again.

"I just questioned him. I could have arrested him, no, I should have arrested him for giving you drugs but crazy enough, I kind of liked the guy. I guess I could see why you felt safe going to him but I hate that you trusted him and not me," Nick said to him, hoping to get him to talk some more.

Greg looked away from him again. "He understands the pull of the drug. You don't, you just think you do."

"Well maybe if you had talked to me about it, I could have tried to understand, but you chose not to."

"It doesn't matter now anyway. Nothing matters now," Greg said in a distant sounding voice. Nick felt a chill from the tone of his voice. It scared him. He didn't know what to say. He could tell him he loved him, but he was not sure that mattered to him at this time.

"Greg, you matter. You matter to me. I don't care what he said you are. It's not what I believe. I know you didn't cheat on me. Shane told me how he made a pass at you and you told him no. He told me that he thought you were lucky because you had me. And you still have me. I will be here for you, whatever it takes," Nick told him as tears came to his eyes. He wanted Greg to understand, he needed him to understand that the scars would not matter to him.

"Your scars, those that he put on you, I don't care what they say. I know it is not true. Please don't let him do this to us." He noticed Greg starting to shake his head, as tears came to his eyes.

"I can't…I just can't," he said with anguish in his voice. Nick was not going to let him give up.

"Yes you can. You just have to believe me and TRUST me. Please, Greg, this doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you."

But Greg couldn't handle anything he was saying. All he knew was he would never be good enough for anyone anymore. Deep down he knew that a long time ago, he knew one day he would go back to drugs. Frankie had been right he would always be a whore, if not for sex, for the drugs. "Just go away, Nick. Just go away. I don't want you here anymore."

Nick shook his head. "No, I am not leaving. I'll never leave your side."

Greg suddenly turned his head. His eyes were red rimmed and his face wet with tears, but his expression was angered. "Leave! Just leave! I hate you! Just leave. You did this to me. I hate you!" His body shook as he yelled. He was in pain as he yelled but he didn't care. He couldn't stand to see his face or hear his voice anymore. He would say anything to make him leave.

Nick was taken back by his sudden outburst and words. "How can you say I did this to you?"

"Fucking leave, Nick," Greg yelled with all his might.

A nurse rushed in the door and saw the patient all worked up. "Sir, I need you to leave, please," she said to Nick. Nick just looked stunned as he turned from her to Greg, who looked like he was in a lot of pain, but being defiant.

Nick feeling exhausted himself, held his hands up in surrender and walked out the door, crushed and bewildered.

The nurse looked at Greg, who was slowly calming down. She noticed he was gritting his teeth in pain. "I'll get you some more pain medication."

Greg laid back and closed his eyes. He couldn't take it much longer, none of it.


	16. Chapter 16

Nick ran to Dr. Keyes office. "I just talked to Greg. He's blaming me for saving him. He said he hates me." Dr. Keyes was just hanging up the phone as Nick barged in. The nurse had just filled him in on Greg's outburst.

"Nick, please take a seat." He waited for the upset Texan to sit down before saying any more. "I told you to stay away from Greg until I had more time to talk to him."

"Did he tell you that he hates me because I saved him? He wanted Frankie to kill him," Nick said in anguish.

"Nick, we've known that Greg has been suicidal before. We also know that he doesn't think he deserves you and with what happened now, that has to be multiplied by 1000. I will be trying several different techniques to try to make him feel better about himself, but in all honesty, it will be a struggle. What happened to him has to have caused deeply psychological problems that may never surface. He may eventually get over blaming you for saving him and maybe even seem to be on the road to recovery but there could be a trigger for him that we won't know about until it is too late. I just want to warn you. He may have to be institutionalized again for some time."

Nick whole body slumped in the chair with this news. He knew it was possible but didn't realize Dr. Keyes was already thinking that. "Are you trying to say you think that if he is left unwatched, he will take his life?"

The Doctor sighed heavily. "Yes, Nick, that is what I think. But we are getting ahead of ourselves. I have only just begun giving him a different set of medication. Soon I will try to talk to him more and see where it goes. I don't want you to give up all hope but I also want to be realistic about this. He was never completely repaired before this. He still had many, many doubts and I know he kept them from you. He tried to keep them from me in our sessions but I can see when my patients are lying to me."

Nick closed his eyes. "I'm not sure I am as strong as I thought I was. I'm trying so hard to be there for him, but if he keeps like this, I'm afraid I might blow up at him."

"Nick, there is only so much you can do and take. I understand that. But you need to be careful, if you are feeling this way. Blowing up at him could trigger an unpleasant reaction from him." Nick just buried his face in his hands.

"Nick, go home and get some rest. Give him time. It hasn't been that long since everything happened. He needs time," Dr. Keyes said to him.

Nick knew he was right. He needed to give Greg more time. So he decided to go by the doctor's orders and went home.

X

He stared up at the ceiling. He was never going to be able to go home if he didn't cooperate and keep control over his emotions. He wished so much he had some heroin to assist him in his task. He just needed to be able to get out of the hospital and be on his own for enough time to finally take care of it all.

He had not tried to move much. He decided to try to sit up. He slowly moved his legs over to the side and began to bend his torso to sit up. He gritted his teeth as the pain from the horrible name carved into his chest began to throb. He managed to completely sit up with his legs over the side of the bed. He sat still as he tried to deal with the pain he was in. He'd been in a lot of pain before but he didn't think it was ever like this. He didn't have a morphine drip to control himself, due to his addiction. He was given shots or pills to control his pain, none of which he had in the last few hours. He was determined to test his ability to move though. He had to get out of this hospital sooner than later.

He placed one foot on the ground and placed his weight on it. He braced himself with his hands on the side of the bed, as he planted his other foot on the ground. He put all of his weight on his feet and legs, which was not as bad as he thought it might be. Then again, his legs were not injured. He was just weak from lying down in bed so many days now. He still had the catheter attached so he knew he had could not move far. Luckily it was on that side of the bed.

He took a small step forward and was proud of his ability to stay upright. He was about to take another step when his door opened up and a nurse came in. She rushed over to him as he almost lost his balance after being surprised with her entrance.

"Mr. Sanders! What are you doing out of your bed? You need to get back into the bed. You are not ready to be walking around yet," she glared at him as she helped him sit back down on the bed.

"I'm tired of being in bed all day. I wanted to see if I could walk at all," he whined some as she made him get back into the bed and lay down.

"Aren't you in pain?" She huffed at him once he was laying down again.

"Yes, but it was worth it. I don't like feeling like I can't escape, I mean after what happened to me," he said to her, trying to play her some to lighten up. He might as well play to what they want to hear if he ever wanted to get out of there.

Her eyes softened some, understanding what he meant. "I'll talk to your doctor to see if we can get your catheter removed so you can perhaps start using the bathroom on your own. That way you get to get out of bed some."

He gave her a small smile. "Thank you!"

"I'll be right back with some pain medication for you," she said to him before leaving him alone for a little while.

He left out a deep sigh when she left. He had not been letting on just how much pain he had been in. Each breath he took hurt in some way. He was covered with bandages and a blanket and yet he could see the words on his chest. He knew what was there causing his pain. It would always cause him pain in some way, no matter what.

His mind briefly betrayed him and let the chorus seep into his head again. _Once a whore, always a whore…_ He brought his hands up to forehead and squeezed it in frustration. "Stop it! Just stop it! You have to stay in control of your emotions," he told himself. He rubbed his hands over his face to compose himself before someone saw him. He wanted to cry but he would not allow himself to. The nurse or doctor might be in soon. He had to seem like he was doing better. They would never let him leave if he didn't.

XxXXX XXXX XXXX

Greg managed to keep himself together when others came in the room for the next few days. It was easier to do since Nick didn't seem to come by for a visit. Maybe he finally listened for him to stay away for a while. He knew that eventually he would have to talk to him. He lived with him, after all. He needed to be able to go home one day soon.

It had been three and a half days since Greg saw his door open and Nick show his face through it. Nick looked tired and weary, like he had not been sleeping well. Greg felt some guilt eat at him for that. He knew when he told him he hated him that had to have affected him.

He stepped inside. "Do you want me to leave?" Nick asked him. Greg looked at him and shook his head a little. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I want to talk to you Greg. That's all I want," Nick said as he slowly walked into the room and took a chair next to his bed. He noticed Greg had more color in his face and looked better than he had before.

"You're looking better," the Texan told him.

Deep down Greg didn't feel any better but he had gotten better about his façade. "Yes, I feel better too. They finally removed my catheter so I can get up and use the bathroom on my own now. I walked around the halls today."

Nick smiled. "That's great, Greg! I guess Dr. Keyes was right in saying you needed a little more time on your own. He told me you seem to be in a little better spirits."

"I'm trying, I am. Some moments are harder than others. Mostly the nightmares get me." That last part had been very true. The nightmares pulled him back in and he would awake and hear his voice saying his mantra again. He was learning to focus on getting out of the hospital to achieve his ultimate goal to wipe the mantra away temporarily. It always managed to linger back in when he was alone in his room. But now Nick was there, so he couldn't let it escape its room for now.

"I'm sure. I'm just glad to hear your focusing on the positive," Nick said to him. Greg had been playing Dr. Keyes very well the last two days. He believed he was saying everything he needed to say in order to eventually get released from the hospital without issues. Greg was almost sure he would get his release soon.

"Yeah, it's not easy, but the doctor visited and told me all about the skin grafts that I can get if I want to get rid of the scarring, eventually. I think that has helped," he told Nick. Greg didn't plan on being around long after he got home to need any skin grafts.

Actually he couldn't believe how much his focus on wanting to get home to then be free to finally free himself from this wretched life motivated his ability to play the part.

"Well I'm really happy to hear that. Dr. Keyes was worried about you a few days ago but I guess my being around hindered you're getting better. I hope I don't mess it up for you now," Nick frowned.

"No, I'm sorry I said those things before. I was angry with everyone in the world. All I want to do now is go home and be with you. I just want to try to get past all this crap that happened."

"What about your drug craving?" Nick asked, cautiously.

Greg thought about that a moment, he really had not thought about them much in the last day due to being so focused on his other goal. "I haven't felt a need, really, at all. It sort of surprises even me. Maybe it is because it is why I got in the situation in the first place."

"Yeah, well you don't have to worry. Frankie is dead and will never hurt you again." Nick noticed a slight shiver come from Greg when he said his name.

Upon hearing his name, Greg had a brief flash of Frankie standing over him with the knife, saying his mantra. He had to shake it out of his head before it manifested. "Yeah, yeah he's gone. Let's not talk about that. Let's just talk about what you have been doing the last few days. You haven't been sleeping much, it looks like." Greg had to change the subject.

Nick didn't realize it was that obvious that he had not been sleeping. He ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah, I have not been sleeping well. I guess it's worrying about you."

Greg shook his head. "Don't. I'll get out of here soon, you'll see and we can be together." Even as the words came out of his mouth, he felt guilty since he knew he would not be there for him long. But he had already convinced himself in the long run this would be the best for Nick. Greg knew he would not be able to keep away from drugs for long, once he got out of the hospital. He knew his deep hatred for himself, for who he was, for how he was marked with it, would drive him back to the drugs. He would just keep disappointing him.

"Well I hope that happens soon. I miss you." Greg just smiled back at him. "Yeah, me too."

Nick looked at the time and sighed. "Look, I have to report into work today for a little bit, but I can come back later, if you want."

Greg shook his head. "No, I don't want you to lose more sleep. I'll be fine. You work and then get some sleep. Then you can come by and visit. Maybe by then there will be good news about me being able to go home soon."

Nick tentatively reached out to hold Greg's hand. Greg looked at it a moment before taking it. "I hope so. You take care. I love you, you know that, right?"

Greg nodded. If there was one thing he did know was that; Nick Stokes loved him, perhaps too much and that was the problem.


	17. Chapter 17

Dr. Keyes walked into Greg's room and saw him looking up at the ceiling, seemingly mumbling something to his self. He walked up closer and ended up startling Greg.

"Hey, Doc. I didn't hear you come in. You scared me," he chuckled a little.

"Yes, you seemed very focused on something up there." He had pointed up to the ceiling.

Greg chuckled again lightly. "Yeah, that. I was thinking why hospitals always have to have such white ceilings and walls. It really is depressing. They need to liven it up," he told him. It was a complete lie. He had been thinking more seriously how he was going to end his life. He had thought about cutting his wrists when he got home, but Nick could walk in on him before he had bled to death. He had thought about getting Nick's gun, but he knew he locked them away and he didn't know the code on the lock. Nick did that on purpose. He could try overdosing on pills, but again he risked the chance of still living if he didn't do it right. Plus he had to find a way to do any of this without Nick being around. It was going to require more planning once he got home.

Dr. Keyes looked up and figured Greg had a good point. "I do suppose some brighter colors might do some good but white is easier to clean up or paint over."

"True, I guess," Greg smiled some.

"So Greg, what do you think about going home tomorrow?" Dr. Keyes asked him. Greg's smile got bigger. "Really? Do you think I can? I really want to."

Dr. Keyes had been impressed with how well Greg was dealing with things since his breakdown over a week ago. He seemed to have a change of heart. He just hoped sending him home was the right move. Unfortunately, he didn't give him any reason in the last week to think otherwise.

"Yes, I do. So what are your plans when you get home" the doctor asked Greg. Greg knew his real plans were going to be kept to himself.

"I guess I am going to try to get acclimated to life again after everything that has happened. I know I still get the nightmares but I've been working through them better. I think it helps knowing he is dead. That and I can get the skin grafts done."

"Yes, but Dr. Meadows said you wanted to hold off a little on those. Why?"

"Um, I guess I want to see how it really looks when it is more healed up. Maybe it won't be so bad. I just am not thrilled with the idea of skin grafts, so I rather hold off until I know for sure I want it done." Greg said to him. He had thought about it a little and he was not completely lying but overall he knew he would not be around long enough to need them.

"Well, I will expect to see you once a week for sure. Plus check in by phone two more times a week with me as an agreement to your release. You seem to be doing well with the medications you are on, but things can change, as we already know. If you miss any of the check-ins for no valid reason, I might have to reconsider things," Dr. Keyes warned him.

"Reconsider things, how so?" Greg asked feeling a little worried suddenly.

"Reconsider how you are really doing and if you have buried your feelings deep down that suddenly one day, you might lose it all together."

Greg swallowed because he knew in a way that was the case. He was barely able to keep up the façade with him right now. But the thought of being closer to his ultimate goal pulled him through.

"I get it but you will see that is not the case. I know exactly where my head is right now and how I feel. Life sucks but you gotta keep moving on. Nick being there for me always helps."

"Yes, I do believe he is your rock. Just know this has not been easy on him either. Even rocks can get cracks in them."

Greg nodded, again feeling some guilt surge in him. "I know."

"Okay, well I think I will get started on getting you released tomorrow. You can call Nick and let him know."

Greg actually felt happy to know he was going home. He knew that soon he would be able to finally find his peace, because that is all he really wanted.

The next day Nick was driving to the hospital to pick up Greg. He was happy and yet he was on edge some. He worried about how Greg would be when he was home with him all the time. Well most of the time anyway. He tried to get more time off of work, but pretty soon he would not have a job if he took off more time than he already had. Jack had covered for him so much, but even Jack was tired of going without his partner. Nick had told him he just needed to make sure Greg seemed to be doing well enough to be left home alone for any length of time.

Nick pulled up to the hospital pick up area. He had called ahead and advised them he would be there soon. They would bring Greg down in a wheelchair, since that was hospital procedure.

He parked the car temporarily and walked in to see if he was ready. He saw a nurse wheeling him out of the elevator just as he walked in. He couldn't believe that Greg actually looked happy. Maybe he would be okay after all. Maybe all of Nick's own worries were getting the best of him.

The nurse stopped at the nurse's station with Greg. Nick came over to them. "I need to have you sign off that you are picking him up and then you can be on your way. Mr. Sanders has his medication ready for pick-up at your pharmacy."

Nick signed the paper work. He looked down at Greg then. "Are you ready?" Greg said yes. He was eager to get home so he could figure out how he was going to achieve his final task without problems. He was not going to be rescued this time around. It would be final.

Nick took him in the wheelchair just outside the entrance. Greg looked around for Nick's car and then saw his car. "Why are you in my car?" Greg asked him. Nick shrugged. "My car is at the shop right now, getting new tires, since I had a flat last night. So I took yours since it's been sitting in the garage."

"Oh," Greg said. He looked at his car and had a brief flash back to when he was grabbed from behind before being dragged off by Frankie. Nick saw him frown a moment and kicked himself, realizing that Greg had last seen his car just before he was taken.

"Sorry, I didn't think. Are you going to be okay?" Nick asked him. Greg took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Yeah, I mean nothing actually happened in the car, so yeah I am going to be okay. I just want to get home."

"I know. First we stop and pick up your prescriptions and then we can go home." Nick saw him nod and proceeded to help him stand up. He knew he was still sore and in some pain from his chest, but it had subsided a lot.

He opened the passenger door for Greg and helped him get in. Then he went around and got in and started the engine. "Ready to roll?" Nick asked him.

"Yes, let's go." Greg looked out at the rather dreary day as they drove. He thought it was sort of fitting his real mood.

They pulled up to Walgreens to pick up his pills. "I can go in and get them for you, if you don't want to go in. Do you want anything else while I am in there?" Nick asked him.

Greg pondered a moment and realized he was a bit hungry. "Maybe something to munch on, I didn't eat much today."

"Okay, will you be okay out here if I leave you here without the keys?" Nick didn't trust him alone with a car with keys in it at that moment.

"Uh, yeah sure, let me crack down the windows some just for a little air. You won't be long."

"No, no time at all. Be right back!" Nick took the keys with him and locked the car once he left. Greg frowned, thinking he could still get out if he wanted to, if that was Nick's reason for locking it.

Greg looked around and it was off hours, so the parking lot was fairly empty. He looked at his dashboard, which was not in the best of condition, and suddenly remembered something. He looked at the glove compartment and opened the door. He could not believe his eyes or his luck. Nick never looked at his glove compartment. Nick never saw the heroin he had put in there that he got from Shane before he was taken. He quickly grabbed it and put the stuff in his hoodie pockets, which luckily had zippers on them. He zipped them up and quickly closed the compartment.

Suddenly his plan came into focus. Drugs had always been the answer for him in the last few years and this time they would answer his final need. It was just a matter of when now. He had to find enough time in the next couple of days to either get away from Nick to use the heroin or hope Nick left him alone for enough time to do it. At least now he had his way to reach his peace.

He was so deep in thought that when Nick opened the locks on the door, he jumped a little. "Hey, sorry, didn't mean to spook you," Nick said to him as he slid in the driver's seat. He tossed him the bag from the store. "What were you thinking about?" Nick asked him, seeing he seemed to have a worried look on his face suddenly.

"Oh I guess just freaking myself out some, since it is so quiet here and it is beginning to rain. Reminded me some of that day…" Greg lied, but even as he said it he realized it really did.

"Well, we will be home soon and you can be tucked up in your own bed, feeling safe."

Greg smiled. He did like that idea. "Yes, sounds good."

Greg remained surprisingly calm, seeing as he had about 500mg of heroin in his pocket. He realized he had to find a good hiding spot for it inside the house where Nick would not discover it before he needed it.

When they entered the house, Nick walked in ahead of him. As Greg stepped in, he remembered the last time he had been in there. It was when Nick had found out he was on drugs again. He made him leave; which led him to seeing Shane and then being kidnapped by Frankie. His hand went to his chest, his mind starting to replay that mantra. He felt himself start to quiver as the memory of having the word whore carved into his chest came back to him.

Nick turned around and saw that Greg had his hand on his chest and seemed to be in a slight daze. He wondered if his coming home was cracking his emotional block he seemed to have put up. "Hey, are you going to be okay?"

Greg suddenly realized he had started to go back to that moment. He was glad Nick spoke to him or he was afraid he might have cracked. He had worked so hard to block it out and stay focused on holding it in until he could make it home. He reminded himself it was only a matter of days, maybe even hours before he could find his peace. He shook his head and lowered his hand back down to his side.

"Yes, I will be fine. I just had a moment, being here at home again, thinking of the last time I was here. You found out I was on drugs again," he said to Nick.

Nick nodded, sadly. "Yes, I remember. I made you leave and then…" he paused a moment, thinking of what happened to Greg after that. "…well we know what happened."

Greg looked down. "Yes." He rubbed his hands over his face. He felt a little off.

"I need to use the bathroom," he said and then headed towards the guest bathroom, since it was closest. He shut the door behind him and looked at himself in the mirror. He realized he looked like hell still but it fit his mood. He turned on the faucet to let the water run. He splashed water onto his face. He wiped his face off with a towel but kept the water running to cover any sound. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the drugs and paraphernalia. He opened the cabinet below and looked through it. He found some first aid tape. He had an idea.

He knew Nick hardly ever used that bathroom, so anything should be safe in there, especially if he taped his stuff to the back, underside of the sink. He rolled the tape and tore it off piece by piece until he was sure the drug stuff would stay put and not fall off. He stood back and couldn't see any of it at all. He put the tape back and then turned off the water. He felt better know the drugs weren't on him anymore and they were safely stored until he had his final plan made.

He opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom. He looked down the hall at the bedroom he shared with Nick. He couldn't be with him. He couldn't get his hopes up too much, knowing what he would be doing to him soon.

Yes, there was a part of him that knew he would be destroying Nick but then he also knew that with time he would move on. He did when he left him before. He knew it was be ten times harder this time but Nick was strong and he would move on.

He looked back the other direction and saw Nick sitting on the sofa, looking at him.

"Are you okay?" Nick finally asked him.

"Yeah, well I guess I am kind of tired. I think I might just go to bed early," he shrugged. Nick stood up and walked towards him.

"I'm kind of tired too. Haven't been sleeping well, if you know what I mean," Nick frowned. Nick stopped right by him and then motioned his hands to go ahead towards their bedroom.

Greg shook his head. "I'm…I'm going to use the guest bedroom for now."

Nick sighed. "Come on, it's just sleeping. We can share our king bed."

Greg shook his head more vehemently. "Please Nick, don't argue with me. I just need to be in my own room for a few nights."

Nick saw the pleading in his eyes and couldn't fault him. He still didn't really know what he was thinking. Heck, Greg never even really told the full story of what happened in that room between him and Frankie. He hoped one day he would feel comfortable enough to really talk to him about it. That was the one thing that Dr. Keyes still was leery of about him, that he had not totally come to terms with what happened to him. Dr. Keyes had told Nick privately that he hoped if Greg was home, feeling more comfortable, he would start to talk about it more.

"Okay, but there are no sheets on the bed, let me at least make it for you," Nick said to him. Greg nodded. "Yeah, okay probably better since I'm still sore overall. Speaking of, I'll just go in the kitchen and grab something to drink to take my pills with."

Greg gave Nick a couple minutes, after grabbing a couple things out of their bedroom that he needed and came into the guest bedroom. Nick was just finishing putting on the final pillowcase. Greg felt a rush of guilt come over him, seeing Nick do all this for him when he knew he didn't plan on being around for him much longer.

Nick turned around. "Done, it looks like you got what you need. Just holler if you need anything else. You know where to find me."

Greg nodded slowly. "Yes, thanks." He didn't know what else to say to him. He just wanted him gone so he wouldn't feel so bad.

Nick could see he was done with talking so he said goodnight and left to go to his bedroom.

Greg shut the door after him and started to change his clothes. When he caught of glimpse of his chest in the dresser mirror, the guilt left him completely. He walked up closer and could see the huge word cut into his chest. And then he could see the smaller one above it. That one was more difficult to make out, luckily. His mind started the evil mantra on repeat. That was all he needed to know he was making the right decision. He couldn't handle knowing he was forever marked in such a horrid way. He felt like a whore and he thought he would pretty much die like one also.

He quickly pulled on a t-shirt and PJ pants to cover himself up. He felt an overwhelming disgust and hatred with himself. He wanted so bad to make it all stop permanently now but he knew Nick was only a room away and might 'save' him again. When he did it this time, he was going to make sure he would not be found in enough time to be saved. He was not going to mess it up like he messed up the rest of his life.

He crawled into bed and stared into the darkness. He started to figure out how he could accomplish his goal sooner rather than later. He refused to live with his deep bedded emotional pain much longer.


	18. Chapter 18

_This is the 2nd to last chapter...be warned._

Nick woke up and saw that it was already after 8 am. He got out of bed and walked out of the bedroom, noticing right away that the second bedroom's door was open. He walked down the hall and saw Greg sitting on their sofa, looking out the window in what seemed to be deep thought.

"Hey, how long have you been up?" Nick asked him as he walked over. Greg turned his head and seemed rather dour.

"I don't know; a little while I guess," he shrugged.

"You've just been staring out the window, here in silence?" Nick asked as he carefully watched him for any show of emotions.

"Yeah, I have been. I enjoy the quiet," he told him with a distant look in his eyes.

"That's new. You used to never be able to sit with no background noise around." Nick always thought Greg had to have some kind of white noise going on.

"Yeah, well I've changed a lot, in case you have forgotten," he said with a terse reply.

"No, I haven't. I'm sorry. Look, have you eaten? I can make us something," Nick offered, not wanting to anger or upset him.

Greg turned his head away and looked out the window again. "I ate a bagel before. I'm good." He didn't eat anything; he just was not in the mood for food. He only wanted to do one thing but still didn't know how it was going to happen. He knew Nick didn't plan to leave his side for a few days, if at all. Greg knew he was going to have to figure out a way to get him to leave. The other option was finding enough time to run away from the house. He figured maybe he could try when Nick took a shower, but sometimes Nick was really quick with them and it may not give him enough time to get far enough away.

He had been thinking he would need enough time to grab his drugs and stuff and leave the house. He could not take his car, since he knew that could be tracked by GPS. He knew a bus stop was not far down the road but timing of getting the bus to come by when he could break away was not promising. He could call a cab but that could also take a while. The easiest way was to get Nick out of the house where he knew he would be gone for over an hour at least. Then he would have the time to just do it at home. There was a part of him that didn't want to do it there, though. He didn't want to be that cruel to Nick and kill himself in their home. So he kept going back to trying to get away even if Nick left, he would have more time to get away from the house and accomplish his final goal.

"Okay, I'll just get myself a bowl of cereal," Nick said to him, breaking him out of his thoughts. Greg decided to ask him what his plans were for the day.

"So, what's it going to be like for the next few days or weeks; you and I sitting at home all day? You watching me like a hawk, waiting for me to break and me, going stir crazy?" he asked, snidely.

Nick turned around and looked at him, wondering where this was coming from. Greg seemed to look annoyed. "You've hardly been home 24 hours and you are already going stir crazy?"

"Well, not yet but I am sure in another day I will be. I know how you like to coddle me and I'm not in a coddling mood."

"And here I thought you were thrilled to be coming home. It seems you were just wanting out of the hospital," he frowned and went back to pouring his milk in his cereal bowl.

"Yes, I was ready to get out of the hospital. But I didn't want to go from one dreary place to another dreary place," Greg told him.

Nick walked over to the table and placed his bowl of cereal down first and then he shook his head at Greg. "If you really want dreary, you could have been sent to Desert Emotional Health Center again."

Greg narrowed his eyes at him. "You wish I was there and not here, so you would not have to put up with me."

Nick smacked his spoon down on the table. "Stop putting words into my mouth. I don't want that at all. I want you here. Tell me what you want me to do."

Greg realized this was not how he wanted things to go. He leaned forward, looking down at the ground. "I don't know, Nick. I just…I just don't like feeling that you don't trust me."

Nick sighed. "It's not that I don't trust you. I am just worried about you. You've had so much happen and can you tell me that you trust yourself?"

Greg closed his eyes, knowing he didn't trust himself and knowing he had to tell Nick that also, because he would never believe him otherwise. "Perhaps I don't at times. Gosh, I don't know. I think I just need some fresh air." He suddenly stood up and walked to the patio door. "I'm just going to sit on the patio for a little while, okay?"

Greg glanced back in Nick's direction. Nick nodded to him. "Sure, go ahead."

Once outside and out of Nick's view, he berated himself for his stupid conversation he just had with Nick. "Way to make him watch you even more, whore."

Greg sat out in a chair, thinking about new ways to get away. Maybe he could get out of the house with Nick, get him to take him to the movies. Suddenly his mind had a terrific idea and this might have been the answer he needed. He pulled out his cell phone that Nick had given him back yesterday. He pulled up movie listings, since he had no idea what was even playing. He found a few that sounded interesting playing at the movie theater right on the strip. If you ever wanted to get lost quickly, go out on the Las Vegas strip and run in the masses of crowds during the evening. Yes, it would have to be an evening show they saw. His plan was all coming together now. He could see his end was near and it actually made him happy.

It was evening and Greg had managed to get out of the house. He managed to convince Nick that what he needed was just to see a good movie, picking a comedy, saying it would cheer him up. Nick had been hesitant at first, but seeing as Greg had taken a nap during the day, he guessed going out might do some good. He could keep his eyes on him and was not really too worried as Greg seemed to be better after their conversation in the morning.

Greg had grabbed his hoodie again since it was cooler outside. He grabbed his stuff from behind the bottom of the sink and stuffed it all in his pocket. It really was not much overall, so Nick didn't even notice anything out of the ordinary, which is how Greg needed it.

He grew nervous as the approached the movie theater. Still, he had no doubts about what he was going to do. He was so tired of acting like he was feeling okay with everything when he was not at all. It was getting harder and harder for him to hold it together. He had to pull this off tonight. If he somehow failed, he didn't think he could hold on to the last bit of control he had over his emotions. He knew if he let it all out in front of Nick or anyone that knew him, they would worry about him and definitely make him go back to the mental rehabilitation center. He knew he could never be rehabilitated anymore. Too much emotional pain lived inside him after Frankie finished with him. All he wanted was his death and hopefully by the end of that night, he would be successful.

When they walked inside the theater, Nick asked Greg if he wanted anything from the concessions. Greg told him he was not in the mood for anything right then. Nick was not really hungry, so he skipped anything too. Greg was glad because his plan was during the beginning of the movie to change his mind and try to go get something. He only hoped he could convince Nick he could go alone. Nick still seemed to want to be with him nearly every minute.

They took their seats in the theater and Greg made a point of talking a bit excitedly about the movie they were about to see. Nick seemed happy to see him happy. Greg looked at Nick in the light from the pre-movie show and knew he was going to destroy Nick's emotions soon enough. He did feel some guilt about it but not enough to make him change his mind. Overall Greg was convinced that Nick would eventually move on with his life. He knew he would grieve over him for some time but Nick was stronger than he was. He would move on.

"Nick, thank you for everything you have done for me. You're a wonderful man. I love you, never forget that," Greg said to him suddenly. Nick looked at him, curious as to why he was suddenly saying this, but thought it was probably because he was letting him get out into the world and enjoy something.

"I love you too, Greg. And you are welcome but I am the one who is thankful you came back into my life," Nick said to him. Greg was finding it really hard to keep his smile on his face now. He lowered his head and looked away from him. "I know, you keep saying that," he replied.

"It's true. Now just relax and enjoy the movie," Nick said to him. Nick wanted to put his arm around him but knew Greg didn't want to be touched like that right now.

Greg saw that the previews were about to start. This was when he planned to make his move. He looked at Nick, with a little bit of a cringing smile. "Don't be mad at me, but I am a little hungry. Can I get some money for some popcorn and a soda maybe?"

Nick shook his head but with a smile. "I'll get it. What do you want?"

"No, don't bother. I mean I can get it. After all I need to use the bathroom too. I'll use the bathroom then buy the stuff and be right back," he told him, knowing that was far from the truth.

Nick frowned a little but could see Greg seemed a bit jittery so maybe he did need to go to the bathroom. "Okay, get a large popcorn that we can share and a large soda. Think you can handle all that?" he asked as he pulled a $50 out of his wallet. Greg's eyes widened, not expecting anything more than a $20. "Yeah, I sure can." He took the $50 bill from Nick's hand. He was about to get up and go but decided to do one last thing. He grabbed Nick's face and turned it towards him so he could give him a kiss goodbye. Nick deserved that much. Nick looked totally shocked when Greg finally broke the kiss. "I do love you. Thank you!" Greg said to him. He then added "Be right back," to cover any suspicions Nick might have had.

Greg took off with the money and walked all the way out of the theater, going out onto the street. Since they were at the theater on the Strip, taxis were all over the place. He flagged one down quickly. He got in and told the driver to take him to Hollywood Regional Park. He sat back. He was glad he was given the $50 because he could go farther away than he initially planned. He sat back and watched the city go by, taking in the views for the last time. He would miss Las Vegas in some regards but truly it didn't matter because he would be dead soon enough and here would be nothing to miss.

Vegas brought him his first and last love, but it also brought him some painful memories, the worst being the word carved into his flesh. All in all though, the last few years of his life had been some of the worst and he knew it was his fault. Now he was able to finally make amends by ending his miserable life, so Nick would not have to save him again and again.

The weird part was, this was the calmest and most at peace he had felt in ages. He knew that soon he would be at his chosen location to end his life. He wasn't going to die in some roach infested motel room. He was going to go out breathing in the outside, night air one last time. It would be a peaceful ending. At least Nick would not have to find him in some horrible location. It was better this way.

The taxi driver pulled up to the entrance of the park. The park itself closed a half hour prior. He was not there to go into the park he was there to be out in the desert next to it, with a view of Vegas behind him.

Greg handed the $50 to the driver and told him to keep the change. Once the driver was gone, he started walking further away from the road and into the darkness of the desert, with Vegas at his back. He stopped a few hundred feet out by some random bushes. He sat down cross-legged and unzipped the pocket that held his death weapon of choice.

He pulled out the spoon and syringe and carefully placed them in his lap. He took the rubber tourniquet and placed it around his left arm. He opened a baggie of the heroin and put some in the spoon. He took his lighter and started heating the spoon, watching as the powder turned into liquid. He had done this so many times in the past it was like eating to him. Once he was satisfied, he took the syringe and collected the heroin from the spoon. He looked at it in the syringe and tapped it. Then he placed it to his arm and made his first injection. He then took more powder and started heating it, even as he started feeling the first hit. He was going to make sure he overdosed and died. He was going to keep pumping it into himself until he passed out.

Before injecting the second dose, he picked up his cell phone and turned it on. There was no signal out there at the time, as he suspected. He turned on the video camera and started filming himself.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N-I've had this written for awhile but finally got around to getting it uploaded. You might need some hankies for this final chapter._

Nick started to wonder what was taking Greg so long when the previews had all finished and the movie was beginning. He pulled out his cell phone, much to the chagrin of those around him and quickly texted Greg. When he didn't receive a response or see Greg after a few more minutes he began to worry. He got up and walked out of the theater. He went out to the concessions and didn't see him. He went over to the closest restrooms and looked for him there and didn't see him. He called his name and no answer. He decided to try calling Greg and it went straight to voice mail, almost like his phone was turned off.

Nick had installed a tracking app for Greg's phone on his own. He pulled up the app and got no response from Greg's phone. He became more worried and thought of that kiss. He had never expected Greg to kiss him like he did, after saying he needed his distance. Now the more he thought about it, the more it felt like a goodbye kiss. He felt nauseous suddenly, thinking that perhaps Greg had been playing him all this time.

He went over to the concessions stand and showed Greg's picture around, asking if anyone saw him. They all shook their heads. He walked up to the box office and asked them there. A girl finally said she saw him leave in a taxi. Nick realized he gave him $50. He could go anywhere in the city to get lost with that amount of money.

"Do you remember the taxi company?" Nick asked her. She shook her head. Nick knew it could take forever for him to track down what taxi company he took with all the ones in that city. The movie theater didn't have cameras out front, so nothing to help track him that way.

He realized Greg had to know what he was doing. He had to have planned this. He had practically begged him to go to the movies tonight. Nick was furious with himself. He had no idea where Greg was and what he was going to do. Nick stood there, at a loss of what to do. He couldn't really put him as a missing person since he was gone only a half hour. He tried Greg's phone again and it went to voice mail. He tried the tracker again and looked at where it last placed him. It placed him right there at the movie theater. Then he remembered seeing Greg turn off his phone completely before the movie. Nick told him he only needed to put it on silent but Greg just shrugged and kept it off anyway. Greg probably knew he had the tracer on his cell phone but knew it was only activated when on.

Nick stood out on the sidewalk, looking all around but clueless as to where he could have gone. He decided to call Jack.

"Hey Jack, you have not by any chance heard from Greg?" Nick asked him, knowing the answer already.

"Greg? No why? Did he disappear on you?" Nick sighed heavily and replied. "I'm scared. He planned this. I had no idea but he planned this escape from me. He turned off his phone. I gave him cash and he took off in a taxi, which no one can tell me which company or anything."

"How long has he been missing?" Jack asked him.

"About 45 minutes now and I know that does not seem long, but that might be all he needs to do something drastic," Nick told him. He heard his partner sigh.

"I can at least put the word out amongst the guys here that he is missing and you are worried. Heck, I know what's he been through recently and I know why you are worried."

"Thanks Jack. Anything you can do will be appreciated. I'm just going to drive around to places I think he may have gone and see if he tries to contact me."

"Good Luck!" Jack said to him.

Nick knew he was going to need it. He went to his car and got in it. He started driving to the seedier part of town, where he first found him again almost a year ago.

It was about 30 minutes later when he had just reached the first motel he found him in when he heard a beep on his phone. He looked at it and it was the location app. It had pinged Greg's cell phone for a moment. Nick quickly tried to call him. This time it rang a few times before going to voice mail. He left a message for Greg to call him. He then looked at where the ping was coming from. It was not where he had expected. It was at least another 40-50 minute drive from where he was now. It was dark out and he knew that the park was closed at this hour.

He realized it didn't matter. He had to go there. He had to follow the ping and pray he was still there.

As he drove out there, he wondered why Greg ran. Did he run to get drugs again? He didn't know why else he would go to a park, unless he was meeting a drug dealer there. Nick couldn't see him going to some weird location like that for anything else.

He drove by Las Vegas High School, which was just down the street from the park. He drove up to the gates of the park and saw it was all locked up for the night. There were some street lights and lights from the high school and nearby neighborhoods that lit up the area a little bit. Nick didn't see anyone around. He grabbed a flashlight out of his truck and brought it with him. It was a cool night already and he knew it would get colder, so he had to move quicker.

He took out his cell phone and tried calling Greg's phone again. He heard a tune play in the distance. He knew it was Greg's ring tone. He kept it ringing and hung up and redialed each time it went to Voice Mail. The sound was coming from the desert area next to the park. He followed the sound with his flashlight when he suddenly spotted something. He heart was in his throat as he picked up his pace towards what he now knew was a body laying next to some bushes.

He came to a running stop a few feet from his body. He knew it was Greg. He was spread out on his back. Now that he was close he saw the drug paraphernalia next to his arm, which was out to his side.

Just looking at him, he knew he was too late this time but he still went up to him and checked for a pulse. His hand shook as he reached down and felt his cool neck. He searched for a pulse but felt none. He looked for breathing but detected none.

He moved his hand to touch his face, which was also not warm anymore. Tears started flowing non-stop as he looked down at the face of the man that he loved. The color was gone but he looked as if he was almost smiling. He looked him over and saw the newest needle marks were not clean. He saw about three empty small plastic bags. He shook his head in disbelief. He didn't know how he could have got the drugs so fast.

He sat there for a while, thinking he was living in some nightmare. Greg's cell phone was just out of reach of his hand. Greg must have turned it on just before he passed out, wanting Nick to eventually find him. He picked up the phone and noticed the video screen had last been used. It looked like Greg had recorded something before he took his life.

Nick pushed the play button. Greg's face came onto the screen. He definitely filmed it right there. He looked a little sleepy in the video before he started speaking.

"Nick, if you are watching this now, I first want to say I am sorry. I've been playing you this whole time, ever since I was in the hospital. I never had any intention of getting better or moving past this. I've been wanting to die for a while now. I told you to stop saving me but you couldn't. I had to trick you to have a chance to get away so I could finally find my peace. And if you are wondering how I got the drugs so fast, well I knew it was meant to be when I found the heroin I had gotten from Shane before my…my nightmare still in my car's glove compartment. I just happened to open it when you went into Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions and there it was. It was a sign that this was how I was mean to go out. I shoved it in my pockets, you never had a clue. I had the weapon, I just needed the time. And you gave it to me. You gave me that $50 which helped me get to a better location. I would have originally gone to a seedy motel but I actually didn't want you to find me in that sort of place again. I knew I could go to some place further with the money you gave me. I wanted to find a place where I could be in peace when I found my peace.

"At this point I already have taken one dose. I'm going to keep pumping it into my veins until I can't anymore, until I pass out and know I won't return." He had paused a moment in the video and dropped his head, seeming to finally give into his emotions. When he lifted his head back up, his face look agonized and his eyes were brimming with tears. "I can't take this pain anymore. What he did to me, it finally broke me completely. I can't take being carved like this. I can't take the constant mantra that creeps into my subconscious, reminding me that of which Frankie told me 'Once a whore, always a whore; the cop's whore, your whore. I can't…I've fought so hard to get to this point. Knowing I had this goal for myself, to put myself out of this misery has been the only thing to keep me from cracking and needing to be locked up in a mental institution again. I wouldn't be able to bear that either. This is truly the only answer, as painful as it is for you to realize. II for some reason am not successful in this, I don't think you'll ever really have me back. I know I will crack completely. I personally think that would make you suffer even more, seeing me lost in my own mind because that is what I will become. I kissed you goodbye because I do love you and I am so, so sorry to do this but if you really love me, you know this is what I had to do to find peace."

"Please find peace with my decision. And please move on, find love again, you so deserve it. I only wish I had not messed up my life so badly that I would never really recover. I loved you Nick. Now, I'm going to turn this off and finish it. You don't need to see that. Goodbye Nick." With that, the video stopped. Nick was curled up, just holding the cell phone, as his body shook from the agonizing cries he made. He moved and laid his head on Greg's chest, wishing he would hear his heartbeat but knew he was long gone now. He hoped his had found his peace. Perhaps that is why he looked like he was smiling, he had finally found it.

X x xx x xx

It was a week later. Nick had eventually called Jack that fateful evening and Jack came out to him to him, to support him. He knew Nick would be in bad shape for a while. Now it was a week later and Jack was standing with Nick in a graveyard in California.

Nick had decided Greg need to be buried with his parents. They had always had a spot for him there. He knew it was best for Greg to be at rest with them and close to his other love, Matthew. He also knew it might be easier to move on if Greg's grave was not so easy to visit. Besides he didn't need to be near Greg's resting place to mourn him. He still had all his belongings sitting in their house. Jack had already started to help him pack his stuff up to take either to Goodwill or the dumpster. Greg didn't have many belongings anyway, since his return to Las Vegas.

There was no ceremony for Greg's burial. Nick had now realized that he was really the only person Greg had in his life that truly was there for him. Sara would have been there but she was out of the country with Grissom and could not make it back in time. Greg's Aunt and Uncle had been notified but they only sent Nick their condolences. They were not even there for him in his death. Perhaps they held Greg accountable for his parent's deaths, like Greg had.

Jack noticed Nick just staring down at the gravestone, which had Greg's name, dates of birth and death and Nick had a phrase added, _May Peace Be With You_. Jack walked away so Nick could have a moment alone.

Nick knelt down and placed a small bouquet of flowers on the gravestone. He ran his fingers over Greg's name carved in the stone.

"This has not been easy for me, Greg. I've been angry with you for doing this to me, but now that I am here I'm not angry with you anymore. I'm just sad, so sad that you couldn't escape the emotional pain you lived with. I guess deep down I knew that you weren't going to be around forever. I think I knew I would lose you some way, somehow again. I guess I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I thought we might at least have a few more months, hoped years together. But deep down I knew I knew you were hiding your pain from me. There was always some emptiness in your eyes since I found you in that motel room after what that horrific man did to you. I still think of that distant look you had shortly after you first woke up and you started repeating his words to you over and over again. Right then I knew you would never be the same but somehow you managed to get past that enough. I guess your goal of finding eternal peace was stronger than his words and that in a strange way makes me happy. Even if it meant losing you, at least it was in your way, in your hands." He paused, gathering his emotions and wiping at his tears.

"I miss you, I miss you so much. I just wish I had one more time to hold you, I mean really hold you and tell you how much you meant to me. I guess I am thankful you at least gave me that last kiss. I had a feeling something was off when you kissed me like that, but you also made me happy in that moment. I guess that was the last image you wanted to see of me, happy. I'm just really hoping you are able to finally be at peace now. I am sure your parents and Matthew will look after you. You were never a bad person; you just made some bad mistakes with your life."

"I don't know if I will find love again. I'd like to think so, but as I did before, they will always be second fiddle to you. But I'm going to try, because that's what you wanted. And because I love you, I am willing to let go of you and eventually move on with my life. But you will always, always be in my heart and my mind. I love you." He kissed his fingertips and placed them on the gravestone. He stared at it a few more seconds before wiping his eyes again and standing up. He took a deep breath and then turned his back to the grave, to keep going on with his life without Greg.

 _The End!_

 _Yes, I finally ended this. If you have read any of my other fics, I'll have you know there were many times I wanted to kill off Greg but this one I thought was the most appropriate one to do it with. Leave reviews if you want. Thank you to those who have read my stories. I am not sure if I will write anymore for Greg/CSI, but never say never._


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